The musings of a madman...

   [Pt. I can be reached  here ] [Pt. II can be reached  here ] [Pt. III can be reached here ] Kenneth: “Bro, I know you from somewhere?” Joseph: “I’on think so, but you look real familiar, like I seen you before.” Kenneth: “Maybe we used to work together or somethin’?” Joseph: “Nah, I always worked in my pops family business.” Kenneth: “I just know I have seen you somewhere or another, I just can’t put my finger on it.” Joseph: “Yeah, this is wild, bro.” Kenneth: “Wait, here comes somebody else.” From the walkway through the trees comes a third individual and this weird “are you my daddy?” exchange continues. Joseph: “Well damn, this dude looks familiar too.” Kenneth: “Weird.” Joseph (to the newcomer): “What’s good, bruh?” Chucky: “What’s up? I saw you before, up on MLK at the–…” Joseph: “... THE SCAVENGER HUNT! That’s it!” Kenneth: “That’s it! He was leaving when you got to the–… uhh… the car and–…” Joseph: “I was leaving when you got there, got it!” Kenneth: “So we’ve now esta

       I tried to make a pr0no once… No, not acting, but producing. I mean, I’mma be frank, I don’t even think that women I HAVE had sex with before are trying to see me fuckin’ even if I HAVE lost 104 pounds since the last time I sexed anyone other than then-pre- Wife Person™ Wife Person™ and that is just me being honest with myself. Anywho, you can read about that epic-assed failure here if you missed it last year and return to me when you’re done.      The funniest thing happened after that… Wife Person™ REFUSED to speak to or hear tell of the daily humorous conversations I have with Mr. Ssippi for almost FOUR MONTHS after that ordeal, until he came to town and took us out to eat for my birthday in the summer. They actually got along quite well and she especially loved Giant Nephew™ and he loved her, so any previous strife was all on me and not on Ssip.      No worries or surprises, of course, are there when I get a call or an especially long text about that weekend in Atl

  (look ma, new AI generator!)      Early last year, I came up with the harebrained scheme to travel back to pre-Rhodesia southern Africa – around present-day Zimbabwe – and slit Cecil Rhodes’ throat before he got a chance to ruin the continent… Read about it above if you don’t recall how that went over (surprise - NOT well!)      Anyway… Y’all know if you read last January or just now that I took EXTRA special care to not put myself in position to get anyone pregnant while I was there. This will matter more shortly. It’s spring, y’all! That means I get to go outside-outside and exercise instead of spending countless hours on my exercise bike. Furthermore, I get to take the dogs with me sometimes. So there it is, last weekend while my mom was out of town, I was tasked with caring for her dog. As a boxer, this dog has a BARREL full of energy that needs to be gotten out. In so much, I geared up for a walk and went to take Luna for a stroll through the parks around my mother’s n

  As the two of you well know, my dumb ass thought I was told I had 24 hours to live one time last month. As you may or not have observed in these here pages over the past several years, I took this information and made a simple misunderstanding into an absofuckinglute PROBLEM for a bunch of people.  The vessel of the worst of those problems, naturally, being myself. It stands to reason that NOT having only a day to live is actually a pretty good thing, y’all.  I can thank my now-21-month commitment to my health and fitness.  My doctors are actually kind of wowed at my laser focus and refusal to chill out on my regimen.  Needless to say, I **should** have more than 24 hours left on this spinning rock. …  but there is some fallout from my actions and that is an absolute problem, because I have ABSOLUTELY burned some bridges here in a city that I cannot afford to leave. One thing I never do is sit around wondering where my exes are living or what they are up to.  What I do know is

   [Pt. I can be reached  here ] [Pt. II can be reached  here ]      A bait car… After ALL the shit I lined up to excite these people into participating in my little game, a matriarch-fornicating BAIT CAR?!!?      When I left you, a complete creative brain fart caused me to latch onto the first thing to grab and hold my attention in a manner that I felt could be effectively used.  So frantic was I to get some shit in action that I didn’t consider the fact that I was in the damned ‘hood and that cops might be looking for whatever opportunity they could find – or, as it were, CREATE – to “protect and serve” the community.      First thing’s first…  My perpetual thumb-on-the-scale approach to making sure my chosen few make it to the finale worked like a charm.  They were not the first there. In fact they were fourth, fifth and sixth if I am to believe the order in which I received their responses.   Strangely enough, the back-to-back receipt of their responses would lead anyone paying at

  Life is pretty boring lately… I say that to say that there is plenty going on but most of it is pretty mundane “adulting” shit.  I guess one could see how that might mean things are pretty okay but knowing/observing how my brain works, one could ALSO see the need for some excitement.  I mean, I know spring is right around the corner and will bring with it constant yard work and sundresses (and the cleavage that comes with those) , but right now is right now. As I reached the end of my chain, my phone rings – my PERSONAL phone – and I kind of have to answer that when it rings for reasons I don’t need to get into right here and now. Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Phillip, it’s me…” Me: “Sir, there are like eight billion people on this planet.” Caller: “Detective Woodpe–… fuck–…  SHIT!!!  Detective Woodcock.” Me: “Naughty, naughty there, detective Woodpenis, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Woodpenis: “My mother is deceased.” Me: “And you’re sitting around kissing on her instead of bur