The musings of a madman...

A repost of mammarial proportions ... (yes, I know that "mammarial" is not a word, or was not until now) I'd originally posted this blog in October 2007, and as the date draws near again my mind has not changed one little bit, nor has the importance of the subject at hand, so here goes... Do you know what this week is? According to NYC Cancer Prevention , the 3rd Friday in every October is "National Mammography Day." I know what you're thinking, "But Phillip, you don't have titties," and the jokes of my man-boobs are damn near moot, as they are just about gone now. I DO have a sense of humor about myself and I know that I am still not a small person by any stretch of the imagination, but I digress... I have taken on the vigil, as a member of the S traight M ale P ride F oundation (AKA the "anti-zesty coalition," PKA the "take off them fuckin' skinny jeans frontline"), p

Part of me wants to feel bad for thinking it the actions of a reasonably-thinking human being to scribe something like this with a small child recently having moved into my house… The other side of me says “stop being a little bitch and keep typing, fa**got…” As things often go between the angel on one and devil on the other shoulder, here I am at the keyboard about to scribe some fantastically irresponsible shit. Today, we will be rationalizing the reasons that I feel that Santa Claus is actually a government agent. We can use the most popular work about the man’s dealings – “Santa Claus is coming to town” – to tie these things together. You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town! He's making a list, He's checking it twice, He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town! He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you'

Title not to be confused with movies about baseball As it begins to look more and more like I will not be granted an NBA season this year, I was thinking of what I would do with myself. Then the Knicks’ Amar’e Stoudemire made an asinine statement about “ we should start our own league ,” which I INITIALLY responded to with “shut the ham-fat up, you fucking idiot” and then I sat a day and thought about it for a little while. For the sake of the exercise we are to assume that the teams will be self-coached, and that regular event planners and the players’ agents will hash out the monetary details beyond what we will discuss shortly. What we know: · There are currently 30 NBA teams that each suit 10-12 players for action every night. · Some of those players already have or will sign with foreign teams to continue to earn a paycheck play ball while the lockout goes on. · Some of those players still have either made enough or properl

This is going to be a LONG fall/winter for me without NBA basketball… Yes, I know I will have NCAA ball from November through the beginning of April, but that is just not the same to me… Know who ELSE is going to miss those millionaires running up and down the court? TNT/TBS, ESPN/ABC and NBATV are all going to be HURT for the missing content. I thought to myself about what WOULD they put in the slots that are at this moment still allotted for the televising of NBA games this coming season if there happens to be no (or a shortened) season? This weekend, NBATV showed some “Hardwood Classics” games from years past, and the younger generation may have gotten to see a time where teams like Phoenix, Indiana, Portland and the New York Knicks all pretended to be credible threats to win an NBA championship. Yes, it was all pretending because of that Michael Jordan guy, and Hakeem Olajuwon while MJ went to pretend to be a baseball player to avoid suspension over gambling

As ever, the course of conversations come to me thinking of means to be an ass in the face of what people usually enjoy, even if this entails the adding of elements that they HATE about things they love... 4am reruns of 80s sitcoms Comedy central Pr0ns Those are things that people generally enjoy, no? Well during those 4am rerun sessions and on Comedy Central at ANY time of the day, you WILL be subjected to the tearjerker “send us some money” commercials with Sarah McLachlan and a half-mutilated domesticated animal set to the tune of music that could make a Georgia prosecutor cry. Many of us love pr0ns too, and what’s not to love about it? I will TELL you what’s not to love about it is that 15 minutes of advertising at the beginning of the DVD that NO DVD player is equipped to skip without 10 minutes of button pushing. While I am convinced that the hassle that these ads were a large part of what drove millions of perves from DVD to the internet, I am sure tha

As an “extroverted introvert,” life relegated to being trapped in the house without it being an option I exercised to be there is not my thing. Sometimes, being “out” is not much more than being in the car and burning of ten bucks worth of gas while I ride around with the bambino and take pictures and such. At times, my travels take us – that is Katie and I – with the baby to our normally necessary locales like Wal Mart, the grocery store and/or to the malls/shopping centers… and to the task at hand... Today, on lunch, I went to a grocery store on my lunch break for a salad, and there was a woman who I would presume was a single mother because part of my introverted extroversion involves being a judgmental asshole. She had 3 sons, none older than 4 by my first guess (because this is a school day and it was only 11:40am) and ALL poorly behaved. When I say that, I am being nice when I say “poorly behaved,” because I really wanted to shake the shit out of all