Posts

True Story©… A Jester’s Ransom

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       I love dogs…   To be completely honest, I enjoy doggies more than I do most people.   When out and about in the world, if I encounter someone with a dog I ask the owner if I can pet it, unless of course the dog decides to get close to me and be buddies. It drives my wife nuts when I do this, but she knows I live to make new four-legged friends.   Our own dogs here at the house are spoiled rotten because of it.      This isn’t (directly) about that though. This honestly starts about six weeks ago in early April.   The guy we’ve been paying to handle our lawn has been going through some things and had not yet gotten with us to start in on the yard and was already three weeks late, in addition to not having done the winter maintenance on the yard.   Wife person looks to me and asks “you think we should get a lawn mower again?” to which I excitedly exclaimed “fuuuck yeah!” See, in 2018 I had a big little heart health scare that sat me in the hospital for a week and a half, co

True Story©… Context

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       There is a special level of shenanigous dipshittery to be gleaned from a proper lack of context in an all-of-a-sudden non sequitur element that was not non sequitur until you got involved. That was big (or big-in-nature) words…   Relax, it will all come up on the final test.      So I have been working from home since March 19, 2020 and the number of miles I have put on one car and the number of wrench time I have put on the one that hasn’t moved further than three feet in seven years serves it that I don’t even WANT to go back to the office. But I am bored. Apart from spending a week at a time cooking up 1k-3k words a week to grip five people in my mania here, I find myself looking for ways to entertain myself in my daily motions, even when those “motions” don’t involve venturing further than the driveway.      Although vaccines are slowly opening outside, we’re still healthily scared of the stupidity of people because we’ve been paying attention to America since someone w

True Story©… Radio Violence

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       My brain is like a training exercise in just how much infinitely useless bullshit can fit into a tiny, tiny space.   I say that to say that I know a LOT about a LOT of things that do nothing in the interest in paying my bills. [ Phlip note : Speaking of bills…   Website renewal fees are next week Wednesday.   Anyone wanna pitch in?   The best nation is donation.   Please and thank you ! ]      Anyway…   I know a lot about a lot but one thing I cannot seem to avoid is unsolicited phone calls and, not those of the “extended car warranty” sort. As ever, this week’s tale begins with a phone call.   This time it was from an international number…   This should be fun. Me: “New phone, who dis?” Caller: “Good afternoon, sir.   Long time no hear from.” Me: “D-do I know you?” Caller: “You ask this every time you speak with one of us.” Me: “’one of us’ as in who the fuck?” Caller: “Well, sir…   I am the director of the International Supervillain’s Convention, and--…” Me

True Story©… Viva Las… Dammit

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       Despite the utter 2020-ness of 2020 and the prayers of people who once SWORE they were on my side, I made it out of 2020 whole. Yes, I got a 6-week furlough that wound up being VERY productive in terms of what was done around the house and pushing me back to writing.   The bigger point of the “whole” assessment there is that there were no missed mortgage or car payments, nothing was in danger of being cut off or defaulting and we got a shaggy dog while I was home. I say all that to say that if I did so well on a summer vacation from Memorial to Independence days, I am hurting for nothing in the time since.      As some of you may recall, we went to Vegas before ‘Rona decided that the world need to chill the fuck down for 14 months (and counting because some assholes have no chill).   For those of you who DON’T, here is a reminder… [ link ]      Welcome back… As Nevada and Las Vegas come back open, hotels on and off the strip have been champing at the bit trying to ge

True Story©… Let Them Talk

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       People talk too damn much… I should say that I ALSO talk too much as well, but since no one listens to me anyway, my talk is of the “to myself” type, for the most part.      As much as I talk to myself , I listen better than some people might give me credit for.   I may not REACT well, but I am receiving what is being said while I am in earshot. Another funny thing is that people have observed that I also don’t REPEAT what was said while I was in earshot, so I am often loaded down with other people’s blathering about others.   I’m holding secrets for people I don’t even know that I will either die with or sit in my rocking recliner and babble to the dogs when I am seventy, no in between.      It could – no, SHOULD – be said that the most important person I am holding secrets for is myself.   I mean, I sit and listen to people talking about details of other peoples’ lives, why in the hell would I ever divulge factual information that would assuredly become the center of one

True Story©… StimmyVax Entertainment Inc.

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  “I finally got on the list and scheduled my Covid vaccine.   My appointment is later on this afternoon. Needles never bothered me, I take my shots like a big boy, but I really can’t help but be a LITTLE bit worried… Will they give me the 5G version of the vaccine? Will they give me the Bill Gates mind control version? Will they inject me with the gay gene? Will they give me a Black Eugenics shot disguised as a Covid Vaccine and then blame it on ‘side effects’ later on down the road? Will one of the yet-unknown side effects down the line be superpowers? Sheeeeit…   That would be kind of cool, now that I think about it.   What if I got x-ray vision and could use that to get into bank safes and peer through walls to steal peoples’ information to come back around and log into the bank systems and blank out everyone’s mortgage and student loans, then delete the backups as well? What if I got superhuman speed and strength?   I would set up an online streaming pit fighting ring

True Story©… The Mystery of Soapboxin’

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       Have shenanigans, will travel… It is spring break and since my daughter is with me and not the woman I had a wedding with once her mother, my wife and I make a point of doing things with her and my great niece, so I took the week off like they got so I am not the only asshole in the house telling everyone to pipe down because I am working and they are not.      Back when outside was open, a thing to do was go and park downtown and walk around.   While there one could eat good, people watch, score drinks and/or dessert.   I have even seen people find their forever mate and/or religion. Speaking of “religion,” you could count on the Hebrew Israelites standing in front of the Civil Rights Museum and SCREAMING at white people (and not-black-enough black people) as they walked by just trying to get a taco on the next block.   Before ‘Rona, Ava used to get her done hair across the street from this amazing spectacle, so sometimes I had to park RIGHT in front of it when picking he