Showing posts from March, 2024

True Story©... Dead Man Walking

  As the two of you well know, my dumb ass thought I was told I had 24 hours to live one time last month. As you may or not have observed in these here pages over the past several years, I took this information and made a simple misunderstanding into an absofuckinglute PROBLEM for a bunch of people.  The vessel of the worst of those problems, naturally, being myself. It stands to reason that NOT having only a day to live is actually a pretty good thing, y’all.  I can thank my now-21-month commitment to my health and fitness.  My doctors are actually kind of wowed at my laser focus and refusal to chill out on my regimen.  Needless to say, I **should** have more than 24 hours left on this spinning rock. …  but there is some fallout from my actions and that is an absolute problem, because I have ABSOLUTELY burned some bridges here in a city that I cannot afford to leave. One thing I never do is sit around wondering where my exes are living or what they are up to.  What I do know is

True Story©... The Treasure Hunt Pt. III

   [Pt. I can be reached  here ] [Pt. II can be reached  here ]      A bait car… After ALL the shit I lined up to excite these people into participating in my little game, a matriarch-fornicating BAIT CAR?!!?      When I left you, a complete creative brain fart caused me to latch onto the first thing to grab and hold my attention in a manner that I felt could be effectively used.  So frantic was I to get some shit in action that I didn’t consider the fact that I was in the damned ‘hood and that cops might be looking for whatever opportunity they could find – or, as it were, CREATE – to “protect and serve” the community.      First thing’s first…  My perpetual thumb-on-the-scale approach to making sure my chosen few make it to the finale worked like a charm.  They were not the first there. In fact they were fourth, fifth and sixth if I am to believe the order in which I received their responses.   Strangely enough, the back-to-back receipt of their responses would lead anyone paying at

True Story©... Get Out Of Jail Free!

  Life is pretty boring lately… I say that to say that there is plenty going on but most of it is pretty mundane “adulting” shit.  I guess one could see how that might mean things are pretty okay but knowing/observing how my brain works, one could ALSO see the need for some excitement.  I mean, I know spring is right around the corner and will bring with it constant yard work and sundresses (and the cleavage that comes with those) , but right now is right now. As I reached the end of my chain, my phone rings – my PERSONAL phone – and I kind of have to answer that when it rings for reasons I don’t need to get into right here and now. Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Phillip, it’s me…” Me: “Sir, there are like eight billion people on this planet.” Caller: “Detective Woodpe–… fuck–…  SHIT!!!  Detective Woodcock.” Me: “Naughty, naughty there, detective Woodpenis, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Woodpenis: “My mother is deceased.” Me: “And you’re sitting around kissing on her instead of bur