True Story© I Nearly Ended the Feral Pig Apocalypse Once
I HATE talking on the phone. If you ever so feel inclined to call me on the phone, contain everything you need to say into 180 or fewer seconds, and try to make it include an arrangement to meet in person and have a conversation if one needs to be had. Otherwise, text me. I really don’t answer my phone except for from a very few people, and even those people will try not to try and call me unless just necessary. I knew the day the call came from a private number that I was setting myself up for some bullshit… *Phone rings* Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Evans!” Me: “Who is this?” Agent: “You didn’t save the number last time?” Me: “Private number, I don’t know your voice… Identify yourself.” Agent: “Master control calling, we have a big proje--…” Me: “Wait, the same motherfuckers that dispatched me to Vietnam?” Agent: “Can I please at least explain why it is that I’m--…” Me: “The same assholes that sent agents to take me to Guantanamo?” Agent