Showing posts from May, 2021

True Story©… A Jester’s Ransom

       I love dogs…   To be completely honest, I enjoy doggies more than I do most people.   When out and about in the world, if I encounter someone with a dog I ask the owner if I can pet it, unless of course the dog decides to get close to me and be buddies. It drives my wife nuts when I do this, but she knows I live to make new four-legged friends.   Our own dogs here at the house are spoiled rotten because of it.      This isn’t (directly) about that though. This honestly starts about six weeks ago in early April.   The guy we’ve been paying to handle our lawn has been going through some things and had not yet gotten with us to start in on the yard and was already three weeks late, in addition to not having done the winter maintenance on the yard.   Wife person looks to me and asks “you think we should get a lawn mower again?” to which I excitedly exclaimed “fuuuck yeah!” See, in 2018 I had a big little heart health scare that sat me in the hospital for a week and a half, co

True Story©… Context

       There is a special level of shenanigous dipshittery to be gleaned from a proper lack of context in an all-of-a-sudden non sequitur element that was not non sequitur until you got involved. That was big (or big-in-nature) words…   Relax, it will all come up on the final test.      So I have been working from home since March 19, 2020 and the number of miles I have put on one car and the number of wrench time I have put on the one that hasn’t moved further than three feet in seven years serves it that I don’t even WANT to go back to the office. But I am bored. Apart from spending a week at a time cooking up 1k-3k words a week to grip five people in my mania here, I find myself looking for ways to entertain myself in my daily motions, even when those “motions” don’t involve venturing further than the driveway.      Although vaccines are slowly opening outside, we’re still healthily scared of the stupidity of people because we’ve been paying attention to America since someone w

True Story©… Radio Violence

       My brain is like a training exercise in just how much infinitely useless bullshit can fit into a tiny, tiny space.   I say that to say that I know a LOT about a LOT of things that do nothing in the interest in paying my bills. [ Phlip note : Speaking of bills…   Website renewal fees are next week Wednesday.   Anyone wanna pitch in?   The best nation is donation.   Please and thank you ! ]      Anyway…   I know a lot about a lot but one thing I cannot seem to avoid is unsolicited phone calls and, not those of the “extended car warranty” sort. As ever, this week’s tale begins with a phone call.   This time it was from an international number…   This should be fun. Me: “New phone, who dis?” Caller: “Good afternoon, sir.   Long time no hear from.” Me: “D-do I know you?” Caller: “You ask this every time you speak with one of us.” Me: “’one of us’ as in who the fuck?” Caller: “Well, sir…   I am the director of the International Supervillain’s Convention, and--…” Me