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Showing posts with the label pets

True Story©... Monkey Shines (still)

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Y’all remember my monkey, Ian? [link] What about now?      Well anyway…  When we left you in the discussion of Ian, he was at once a purchase that seemed like a good idea in theory but wound up being GODawful in application and came dangerously close to ruining my life to boot. Unable to recoup any of what he cost me, I angrily left him in the pet shop I got him from so he could AT LEAST be rehomed or some shit. About 9 months after the fact, still randomly thinking back to and stewing on the moments I blew buying a fucking monkey as a pet and not a Cane Corso like I wanted, my phone rings… Me: “Hello?” Caller: “What up, though.” Me: “Marlon, you ain’t from Detroit.” Marlon: “How you know that?” Me: “Because I have met your country-ass mama.  Y’all from south Virginia.  What’s the deal.” Marlon: “Shit, chillin man.  What you got going on this weekend?” The sound in his background was familiar, but there is always some random shit happening in his house

True Story©... Hermit Life

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     Ian was my littlest buddy of all time… He was a 10-pound Grivet Monkey I convinced an exotics shop that shouldn’t have sold him to sell him to me. …  and he tried like hell to ruin my life.      Funny thing about monkeys, even little ones.  They are territorial little shits, even the little ones! I was basically not allowed to have company in my house when Ian’s cage was in a common area, or he would raise all grains of holy fucking hell until he was the center of attention.  Covering his cage didn’t help, and ignoring him with an exposed cage would serve it that he would ASSUREDLY fling shit in your direction.      I should have tried to train the little bastard to pitch for the Pirates, he had quite the arm!      Anyway…  As long as Ian was being played with and the center of attention, even outside of his cage, then he was all good.  One night I had a female supplicant to visit me.  Immediately upon walking in the house, she noticed Ian’s cage hanging in th