Showing posts from October, 2020

True Story©… Surprise, Matriarch Fornicator!

       I was in Vietnam. No, seriously, I was IN Vietnam!   Read about it here and here , then come back and we will continue…        Welcome back.      The funniest of shit has happened since I have been home during this whole Rona situation… I sit and watch Maury every morning at 11 and then again every afternoon at 5, just to make sure people are still living more shittily than I am.      One day a couple of weeks ago, just as it was going off and my lunch break was beginning, my wife was away at a meeting at her school.   I threw on some shoes and set out to grab some Jamaican food for lunch, a Lyft stops in front of my house and blocks my departure. I hop out of the car prepared to throw hands in the street, and a guy jumps out of the car and yells “FATHER!!!”      Now, a perhaps few of you know that I spent some of my 20s doing some bald-head-hoe shit, so the fact that something like this has not happened by now lands somewhere between being a surprise and of validat

True Story©... Cheatfish

     Y’all remember back in the summer when I was desperate and fishing for anything that could make me some money while I was furloughed? [ link ] What about now?      Okay, so Tuesday I am in the house minding my own damn business on my lunch break, chilling on the couch watching Judge Jerry when I get a Google Duo call from the studio exec whose brain I thought I was picking, but only now realize was giving him a little free entertainment while killing some time of my own. Executive: “Hey buddy, how goes it?” Me: “I’m the one who calls people ‘buddy’ around here.” Executive: “Huh?” Me: “It’s my thing…   MY dogs are buddy,   my nephews are buddy, random kids in stores are buddy, OTHER peoples dogs are budd--…” Executive: “I gotcha.   How’s life?” Me: “As normal as can be expected.” Executive: “So you had some interesting ideas back in the spring, and I--…” Me: “You’re calling to make me a rich man and tell me I am done with this damn company?” Executive: “

True Story©… Dating Advice

       Not that anyone needed to know this, but I might have benefitted in my earlier days from some good dating advice.   One might say it was a small miracle that I escaped high school without my virginity. This story ain’t about that… Well, not directly.      See, I always have this thing where I am willing to expend a little effort to see people do well, even if that means they will do better than I am doing or have done.   With that in mind, I used the time I have had in the house over the past seven months helping men with the tools they might use to assist them in securing more and better women.      I hear you laughing, but these kids these days have it MADE.   They have the whole of the internet, cell phones – of which I did not have until age 21 – are standard now, and ON those phones cameras are unavoidable under nearly any stretch short of the kind you send a kid into a gas station counties away because you will be using it to sell crack.   They have dating sites whe

When you see her, thank her...

       I have stopped writing two times in the last ten years. The first time was when I split from my ex wife the woman I married once.   I was going down THROUGH it.   I felt like shit and nothing I enjoyed was actually enjoyable.   My beautiful lawn went to shit, my house was a mess and my life was more of one.   All things coming down around me, the LAST thing on my mind was putting these fingers to the keys. The next time was after I changed departments in 2018 and was no longer spending 8 hours a day on a second computer that my employer was not monitoring my activity on.   Sprinkle in a week and a half hospital stop 7 weeks later and shit got real, like too real to be worried about my creative output.      Of late, as in over the past three months, my wife (no modifiers, I am actually married to this one) , has been pushing me to sit down and get my ass back to creative work. “Why aren’t you writing?”   she would ask.   I had an answer in 2018 when I apparently narrowly e