The musings of a madman...

     Two things I have noticed about TLC of late… 1 – These folks are fucking obsessed with fat people. and… 2 – I can’t seem to look the hell away as they do it.      Last year, one of my wives my lady tricked me into watching an episode of My 600-Lb life and despite being initially repulsed by the concept of a human being weighing a quarter of the weight of my smaller car and not instantly exploding, I watched.  I noticed, then, their response to the popularity of the show was to add more “fat people” programming.  I know this is nothing new, not with prior shows like Honey Boo Boo and the whole My Big Fat Fabulous […] series.  For good measure, they threw in Big and Little , a show about fat midgets overweight little people. “Phillip, how have you paid so much attention to even KNOW all of this?” you ask. I remind you to have a look at #2 above.      So anyway.  Caught up in the “c...

Low-Carb living… Sometimes you will come to things you’re used to having but can’t due to the vessel normally contained.  Egg rolls would be one of those things.  This doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t take advantage of everything that normally goes on the inside, just that now you need to be prepared to eat with a fork instead. Start with sautéing the fresh-grated ginger and garlic in the sesame oil: In with the bag of coleslaw: Once that is properly tender, you come in with the chicken: Now is also time to construct a bit of a sauce: Everyone in the pool, mix it all together and cook together, shredding the chicken in with everything else: Garnish with some green onions, sesame seeds and more sriracha because Phillip likes his food HOT, and serve:      Sometimes I feel we’re totally oversimplifying these things when we do them, but this is one of those things that i...

     Sometimes the best things come up in the last seconds of a planning session. It was Sunday, we had a post to make for Tuesday and we hadn’t even been to the damn grocery store yet.  This may or may not be because someone was couponing instead.   While in Sam’s getting our haul for the two weeks, the couponer in chief Mimi suggested a jambalaya, a comfort food we’ve all come to know and love just in time for the cooling weather outside.      Cool, something we all like, something DEAD simple to make.  Basically mixing everything in the pot and letting the flavors marry nicely. Wait…  I don’t eat pork.  She CAN’T eat shrimp.  We aren’t eating rice.  How in the blue hell are we going to pull this off?  Quite easily, actually.  Let’s get into it. 1 cup each green onion, green bell pepper 1 can, rotel 2 cups diced onions Meat from a rotisserie chicken, or about a pound of shredded chicken...

Guess who got to play with the stove without adult supervision this week?      This week, taking a break from taking a break on the diet thing for the holidays, we wanted chicken fried rice.  We wanted chicken fried rice, but not with actual rice because, you know, low-carb living… Enter (again): riced cauliflower.  Make it yourself by grating a cauliflower or buy a bag frozen at Aldi for $1.69.      Honestly, this dish will include only three main ingredients: 1 12oz bag riced cauliflower 1-1.5lb boneless/skinless chicken 1cup green onion The cooking part is really simple too.  Start with the chicken, sautéing in the pan, add some ground ginger and salt/pepper to season, all to taste. Once the chicken is done, set it aside and the cauliflower can go into the pan. Cook until the liquid is mostly cooked out and add the onlions. Cook until THOSE are wilted and add soy sauce to desi...

Get it? See, because it is a pot pie!  And 2Pac had that song that and album that--…  Never mind. This was INITIALLY supposed to be a dessert post, but the logistics of a dessert escaped us because someone has started back couponing and the other is preparing for Mattel to release the new Hot Wheels lines this week.  Crap, I am off topic again. Anyway. Mimi came up with this one TOTALLY on the fly without my input.  It isn’t terribly difficult to make either. Start with 2tbsp butter, 1 cup each of onions and carrots, 1/2 tbsp each salt/pepper, 1tbsp thyme and 1tbsp minced garlic: (note: carrots are NOT considered low-carb, but for as little as this really is, you'll be fine) Sauté the veggies and then add cooked chicken.  Out of convenience, we went with a rotisserie chicken, as we were both out of the house and Mimi was working at the last minute:      Heat the chicken through and stir in ...

     Tupac quotes notwithstanding, this recipe came from a straight-up “damn, I miss […]” place. Substituting vegetable items in the place of starches like rice and potatoes is all cool and all until you make something very nearly DEMANDING that item.      Enter: riced cauliflower.  You can make it yourself with a fresh cauliflower and a coarse grater or you can buy it at your local grocer frozen for a premium on convenience.  If you have an Aldi where you live, which pretty much most of us do these days, BUY IT THERE for half the price of the big stores.  No, it is not rice, but it fills the spot like we needed it to.      Enough of the introductions, let’s get down to fooding. For this otherwise pretty easy dish, you will need: 1 cup each, onion/pepper mix and mushrooms (it's under there, trust me) 1 bag riced cauliflower 1 bag, frozen spinach 1 small package of boneless skinless chicken, diced a...