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Showing posts with the label the krampus

True Story©... The Heist

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     It is finally beginning to come together, it makes total sense now! First, we learned that Rudolph was a dope fiend.  Then we learned that Santa is a kingpin 364 days of the year and that Rudolph is basically a slave to his own damned dealer. But this shit gets deeper.        In addition to stewing for the past year on the revelation that Santa is an asshole scumbag dopeman, I also live with the fact that writing still COSTS me more than it makes me, I wake up every day and go work with people who do not share my drive and that often frustrates me. I was watching The Wire, and I had myself an idea.  Omar Little was kind of like the Robin Hood of the whole thing.  He was so against the dope dealers that he sustained himself ROBBING them.  That way, he padded his own pockets while preventing them from moving filth in the hood for profit. [ Phlip note : He also didn’t curse, but I possess no such fucking hangups]      Anyway…  Santa is the dope man and has be

True Story©... Santa's Day Job

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     Let’s be honest here, it’s 2017… Santa’s business model is about as feasible and sustainable as congress would have us to believe that trickle-down economics is.  That is to say, a fucking fairy tale.      Perhaps there was a time in history where “give all the kids in the world presents” was all fine and cool.  As Japan and China gadgetized the whole world, though, the cost of development and manufacturing became quite a weight on the fat man’s shoulders.  Bear in mind that he had to continue to pay for the sustenance of his elves and reindeer – not to mention  Rudolph’s rehab fees  – it only made sense that he would need to take on a day job of some sort for the other 364 days of the year if this is to work at all.      Back in the 4 th  century, the original Saint Nicholas would give gifts to the poor – especially poor girls so they could have something as a dowry and remain worthy of marrying by not becoming prostitutes for money – as one might expect a Bishop wh