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Showing posts with the label robbery

Sometimes you just gotta rob Santa Claus

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     This will be a summary… For the past twelve months, I have chronicled my exploits after having attempted to rob Santa Claus for the world’s presents.   What is left out to those who have not been watching since Christmas time 2016 is why . Well here I am to explain it. 1 – Rudolph is a dope fiend [ link ] 2 – Santa is Rudolph’s Dealer [ link ] 3 – BECAUSE Santa is Rudolph’s dealer, he should be robbed [ link ] 4 – Alright…  I am in this situation and now I need to figure out how to make something of it. [ link ] 5 – Shit is now going south, but I am turning it into money right? [ link ] 6 – My greed is getting complicated, but shit is still moving [ link ] 7 – Too. Damn. Good. To. Be. True [ link ] 8 – I’ve been robbed! [ link ] 9 – Fuck robbed, I been kidnapped ! [ link ] 10 – I want OUT of this situation now… [ link ] 11 – … but DAMN this money is good! [ link ] 12 – I’m forever to be a victim of my own desires, [ link ] 13 – The liberal m

True Story©... The Heist

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     It is finally beginning to come together, it makes total sense now! First, we learned that Rudolph was a dope fiend.  Then we learned that Santa is a kingpin 364 days of the year and that Rudolph is basically a slave to his own damned dealer. But this shit gets deeper.        In addition to stewing for the past year on the revelation that Santa is an asshole scumbag dopeman, I also live with the fact that writing still COSTS me more than it makes me, I wake up every day and go work with people who do not share my drive and that often frustrates me. I was watching The Wire, and I had myself an idea.  Omar Little was kind of like the Robin Hood of the whole thing.  He was so against the dope dealers that he sustained himself ROBBING them.  That way, he padded his own pockets while preventing them from moving filth in the hood for profit. [ Phlip note : He also didn’t curse, but I possess no such fucking hangups]      Anyway…  Santa is the dope man and has be

True Story© - At Gunpoint

True story ... I'm walking to my car from Wal Mart and a dude jumps out of a maroon GMC Safari and puts a 12gauge to my head... "Where the f*ck you think you going, n**ga?!!?" "c'mon, man, I am just trying to get home to my little girl" "Daughter? So I guess you got a woman somewhere around too, huh?" "What?" "BITCH n***ga, I axed [sic] you a question!" "Yeah!" "you love her?" "of course!" "call her on the phone right now and say 'I love you bae' right now!" "dude" *cocks shotgun* "d-d-did I stutter, motherf*cker?!" "but 'bae' seriously my dude?" "you heard me, unless you wanna die out here in front of all of these people!" ... forced with the prospect of my funeral and using the word "bae," I am here to inform you all that my funeral will be on Monday. My mom has been left with instructions to pay off the ho