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Showing posts with the label escape plan

True Story©… The Big (little) Getback

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       Y’know?   Sometimes I have the toughest of times getting out of my own damned way.   I should say, I guess, that my own way finds a way of staying in front of me.   Every time I think I have dispatched of a former situation, something directly related to it finds its way back into my life.      As the two of you may recall, I once tried to make a movie and the whole thing literally and figuratively went up in flames.   I escaped the situation – again literally and figuratively – unburned until I was revisited by it a couple of years down the road. My handling of it all seemed to me that I had rid myself of it to the point where I could go on with my life.   New house, new puppy, new outlook and all.   Everything is good right? RIGHT?!!? Wrong™!      [ Phlip note : unless you received a DM from me on Instagram at/about 4pm on November 12 rd , please click the link below before continuing ] [ link ]      Now just why in the great blue hell would I be yammering on ab

True Story©... The (Mis-)Adventures of Yachty McYachtFace

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  “Aye, whatchu got going on next weekend?” That is probably one of the most dangerously vague questions one can ask an individual like me.   The answer will depend PURELY on the remainder of information I am yet to have been provided. I’mma play along, though… “Nothin’ much…   Pinching pennies since we’re a single-and-a-quarter income household during the summer months when Wife Person™ doesn’t do summer school.”      There…   That should tell the person asking me that if they expect anything social to be taking place, that it had better dammit be free or they expect to pay for it.   Makes sense, right? “Well check, you think you can get away for a minute?   I am being invited to this lil timeshare presentation.   They gon’ put me up and feed me while there and say I can bring one guest with me.   I figured you might wanna get away for a weekend if shit is all paid for.   She can ask my wife, SHE can’t come with because her aunt is in town.” [ Phlip note : something told me

True Story©… Gullible’s Travels

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       Thursday of last week was my birthday… I say that to say that I was off celebrating.      Next week is my daughter’s birthday.   For the first time in her whole life, she will not be with me on her birthday.   She will be with my ex wife a woman I had a wedding with once.   I say that to say that we are celebrating this week/end instead.      Wife person came up with the idea that we jump over to Sweet Valley Ranch in Fayetteville for the dinosaur thing today, I can report back on my findings when we’ve done it.      The point of this story is yesterday though… We had to clear the front room of the house before we left to prepare it for some contractors to come through and do their thing on our floors, then take the dogs to the sitter’s place, then grab one more niece and hit the road.   Only a 90ish minute trip to the destination and there we are. This is where the shit gets crazy.      We arrive to the hotel and I am unloading the back of the wagon and the kids wh

True Story©… Initiate Plan B

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       I tend to make notoriously horrible financial decisions… It is a small miracle that I have been in this house for almost 12 years without my mortgage company coming to kick my door in as just rewards for my own stupidity.      As y’all may recall, I famously sank all of our liquid cash into a risky crypto bet just a couple of weeks ago.   As it stands, I have still made some money on that, but not enough to quit my job like some nerds on the internet said I would be able to.   I am pretty sure my wife hasn’t checked the joint account balance recently, but I sweat profusely every time she pulls her phone out and I cannot see her screen.      I need to make a comeup real soon… With some luck, I had sank money I (we) already had into to the Meme Crypto market, and my stimmy check HAPPENED to show up a couple of days later so I was not exactly “broke.”   Not yet at least. When, despite the egging along of the likes of Elon Musk, Snoop Doge and even a mention from Mark Cub

True Story©… Hiking Hitches

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       For someone who really doesn’t like human beings very much, I sure do know a whole damn lot of people.   Or people know what I look like, I should say…      Respondent to my company’s generous leave time allowances and given the time none of us were able to take off last year, they also extended the rollover policy to allow us to not lose hours this year.   The problem behind that is now I have another year with the Rona to try and figure out how to burn like 39 paid days off working instead of 31 while still not really leaving the house.   This while also navigating 50/50 custody of my child and absolutely needing to be in this house while school is in session. Needless to say, I don’t get out much.   But I do take a lot of Mondays and/or Fridays off in order to enjoy three-day weekends and engage in my good ol shenanigous dipshittery.      One such instance, I decided among myselves that I would test a theory and see if hitchhiking was still a thing in 2021, especially d

True Story©… The Neverending Little Big Ordeal

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       For someone whose lifestyle is prone to misadventures that the two of you come here every Thursday to enjoy, it only stands to reason that I live in a constant existential fear that some small-at-the-time bullshit that I did months – YEARS – ago will one day come back and bite me on the ass. Wait… Y’all remember the time I tried to make a movie? What about now ? Welcome back.      So last week Tuesday or Wednesday, I am pretty sure it was Tuesday. I was walking Thunder on my lunch break during a commercial break while Judge Jerry was on.  A car comfortably comes to a stop in front of my house, in stark contrast to the screeching halt I normally witness when I am about to be accosted.  A midget little person climbs down and toddles over to me.  I stop him as he gets inside of about leash distance but still not close enough to touch my dog, “I’m isolating from close contact with SIX people who tested positive last week, might want to stop there.” and his approached stopped