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Hotep Wednesdays... Life Imitates Art

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     It’s kind of like they sit around and think to themselves “just what bullshit can we put forth and then claim plausible deniability of?” and then proceed to insult our intelligence.      We’ve seen this happen with the physical representation of Jesus, every single individual in the book of Exodus in every cinematic presentation ever, Cleopatra, Laurence Olivier as Othello…  I could go on but I think you get it. Let me stop for a moment… Egypt is here: (and in case you went to public school, Africa is actually MUCH larger than that in real life)      Anyway…  In case you looked at the lightskinnded woman above and said “Harpo, who dis woman?” it is Today’s pseudo representation of what a reconstructed Nefertiti should have looked like. What we know is that her daughter, Ankhesenpaaten would go on to be the queen of Tutankamun, one of the most recognizable kings of the 18 th Dynasty from 1300something BC.  What we can surmise is that human migration was

Hotep Heroes... Black Lightning

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     I’ll be honest…  Until last Monday, I had never even HEARD of Black Lightning. As a part-time comic book nerd who has found himself in a dearth of time for it for most of my adult life – who, by the way, was never much for DC Comics anyway – it was just completely under my radar.      Episode 1 was about to come when my lady mentioned it to me.  “Hell, I’ll watch,” I said after a perfunctory Google search of the premise of the show.      On the whole, I was impressed with the show.  The presentation of Black life in America, a man willing to do what he must for his own kids and in the protection of those in his responsibility and a well-written story were all wins.  This is The CW we’re talking about here, so I was fully expecting low-value production bordering campy or even comical. In the latter, they did not disappoint.  This would be made ESPECIALLY obvious when our hero finally donned his costume.  Cheesy superhero quotes ensued, even through attempts by the w

Hotep Politics... Run Oprah Run!!!

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     Look, we didn’t watch the Golden Globes, but we have also been looking in on the news in its wake.  Apparently my third wife in waiting Oprah Winfrey gave a moving speech in which she took Hollyweird to task for its misgivings in unauthorized diddling. Read it here .      The speech was seen as one of those moments that touches off an apparent run toward the presidency and in an Amerikkka where it is no longer necessary to BE a politician to become a politician, the internets has gone nutso.      And we support this, full heartedly.  No, seriously, we are ALL the way here for this.  We’ll offer up a few reasons why… 1 – Her net worth is higher than 45 can readily prove his is…      She could offer not to take a salary as president and actually tangibly follow through with it. 2 – She started that school for girls in Afrika…      Shows she is about the cause for brown people, more than any president prior to her.  If self-proclaimed Hotepest Hotep Gawdt Supreme

Hotep Heroes -- The Joseph Walter Jackson Memorial Black Father of the Year Award

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(wait…  Joe Jackson isn’t dead yet?  Well damn, is he like a little bit sick or something?  Oh well, carrying on!)      I think you see where I am going with this one.  Previous winners would include the likes of Earl Woods and Richard Williams. While the days of whooping your kids asses in order for you to live off of their success are gone, there still exists a world where you can push them to continue to do something they may or may not actually want to do to the point of extreme success, for which you will yourself be rewarded with a share of.      F’rinstance, no one exactly knows whether or not a young Eldrick Woods actually wanted to play golf, but his father – an old-school Black man raised through Jim Crow – pushed his son to be good at what was and still kind of is a white man’s game.  It worked to the point where he was the best to do it for a very long time.      On that same token, no one exactly knows whether Venus and Serena Williams themselves wanted

Hotep Heroes - Prince Henry of Wales

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Prince Harry might low-key be the absolute most wokest person in the whole-ass world… Stay with me here. While his father shook up the game by challenging norms in marrying in the first place – and subsequently divorcing – his mother, it can be said that Charles set the blueprint for the bucking of norms that Harry has now taken to another level. Not only is he NOT slated to marry a woman of royal British lineage, he is marrying one who is not even British. On top of that, he is marrying a woman born in America. He is marrying a divorced woman born in America. And now for the coup de grâce… She is a Black woman. You read that right, the man who is 5th in line to the throne is planning to take himself a woman from a middle class, albeit well-to-do family in America and turn her into a prominent Black princess. Bearing his place in the pecking order of his family, she is five heartbeats (not to be confused with Duck Matthews and them) from being a prominent Black Que

Hotepsgiving...

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     Sometimes it just isn’t worth it to continually shit in someone’s cornflakes. Rather than take the wind out of the sails that is the conquerors’ favorite holidays, we will take just a few minutes of your time to say what WE are thankful for. -    We’re thankful that white people have not managed to fuck up Chadwick Boseman . -    We’re thankful for President Barack Obama… … no, stay with us here.  The saying is that a presidency isn’t a presidency until the elected individual has ONE legislative victory.  And in playing by those rules, the last previous president who DID have any remains president.  -    We’re thankful for our wives… and our other wives … …  and our OTHER wives -    We’re thankful for Robert Sylvester Kelly -    We’re thankful for then enlightenment that will allow Hollyweird to burn to the fuckingground . -    We’re thankful for Colin Kaepernick… … we’re still cautiously wary of his lightskinndedness, though See?  How hard was

Hotep Hollywood... Burn, Hollyweird, Burn

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     …  and it couldn’t be happening to a better group of people. We’ve reached a juncture where Karma is showing up to the door and is fully prepared to collect her dues.  The motion picture industry has never been a friend of brown people and has actively sought to use its pull to keep brown people under its thumb.  Look no further than our Hotep Hollywood label for a running count of their fuckery.      I don’t think I need to chronicle every name that has been embroiled in a scandal surrounding things ranging from unwanted sexual advances through more egregious sexual harassment all the way up to and including – sometimes at the same time (!!!) – sexual assault and pedophilia.      Well the chickens are coming to roost.  You can’t do EVERYONE wrong all the time and expect that shit to just get swept under the rug.  Not terribly dissimilar to what has happened to the most of professional sports wherein brown people are seeing themselves better represented in respo

Hotep Hollywood, "The White Savior" ft. 'Welcome Back, Kotter'

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("one of these things, is not like the other things") And yes, “White Savior” is a thing.  Not that it should be a thing but when has that ever put the proper brakes on such foolywang.  Click here and check up on it sometime. Done reading?  Welcome back! [ Phlip note : pun TOTALLY intended]      Welcome Back, Kotter was a sitcom that aired from 1975-1979 and in various forms of syndication for those like myself born in 1979 or after.  In it, we have a wise-ass teacher returning to his Alma Mater to take on the task of whipping a remedial class into shape.  Some good ol’ Stand and Deliver -type shit, right? Wait…  Stand and Deliver came out in 88, strike that from the record.  Anyway, we have failed baseball player and mediocre comedian Gabe Kaplan in his showrunner and acting debut, revising the history of his apparent real life, except this time he gets to come in and help The Sweathogs with comedy and hilarity.      Still pretty safe, no? WRONG!!!

Hotep Hollywood... "Black Friend™" vs. "Friend who is Black"

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     “There is no way I could be racist, some of my best friends are black!” is what they say when some greasy shit has been said or they’ve been caught agreeing with 45 about kneeling for the anthem.      Cruel fact: that “… some of my best friends” black friend is not even a friend at all.  He/she is some brown person – who might actually not even be black! – that the person who has found themselves cornered in conversation used to work with, or went to school with, or whose sister he tried to fuck in college.  That “friend” has never been to their house, eaten their food, met their family or played spades with them. There is nothing honorable about being the “black friend,” it is a token position for which there is no real benefit… -    Will the cops not shoot you first if y’all get into some shit out in the world? -    Would their great-grandfather not kick someone out of the family if you dated their sister? -    Have they ever ACTUALLY attempted to properly pronoun

In the Hotep Army...

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(okay, so maybe not quite like that)      Look, the man doesn’t know how to pronounce “Niger” anyway, and that is why he isn’t talking about it. That and he knows he is dead ass wrong.  He knows he is discussing a deceased Black soldier who died on some bullshit caused by some executive branch fuckery and now the executive branch is searching hard for a scapegoat, as they are often wont to do. And since the favorite scapegoat wasn’t the one who banned travel from Chad to the US, causing Chad to pull assistance from the fight with the jihadists, Obama cannot be blamed for the four dead American soldiers. Funny how that works out, no?      What is weird, though, is that a great many of us STILL don’t know the names of the three other dead soldiers, or what they look like.  I shouldn’t have had to Google to find a post with all the contained information , itself only posted less than a day before I typed this sentence. What we don’t have, however, are coverage of B

Hotep Hollywood -- WE MUST PROTECT CHADWICK BOSEMAN!!!

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     I am not joking, I mean this shit. This man has played Jackie Robinson in 2013’s 42 .  He played James Brown in 2014’s Get on Up .  Fuck, he was one of seven Black people who got real camera time in 2016’s Gods of Egypt and just might be the only one who was actually allowed to play an actual god! Further, we have seen him make more Black people care about comic book movies with his portrayal as T’Challa/Black Panther in 2016’s Captain America: Civil War and in the upcoming eponymous Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War movies.      I thought of this post on Saturday when one of my wives my lady took me to see Marshall in the movies.  The trailer for Black Panther played before the movie and this naturally made it more obvious (to me, at least) that with the above-listed movies an even MORESO after watching and LOVING Marshall (for real, y’all go pay money to see this) , Chadwick Boseman is fast entering Hotep Hero status and is worthy of the best protecti

Hotep Football

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Not that such sensibilities mean much to The Ankh-Right, but it has come to our attention that apparently some Black folks are refusing to watch football this season due to the downplaying of Black Social Issues at the hands of the white owners and fans, despite the fact that 70% of the league’s players being brown? Not to say things like “I told you so,” but who the fuck is surprised that these white billionaires and legions of uneducated “45” voters who would rather watch football than NASCAR on Sundays? Anyway… We ain’t with the boycott.  At least not for the reasons these other coons are…  Want to talk about it?  Here we go. -    The man who started this all is a damn lightskinnded.   The same brand of which that we get to see come in and save the day in EVERY Tyler Perry movie.  If the brotha who kicked this all off – intentional pun totally not intended – had been darker, then perhaps we would think that this was in earnest, but this reeks of “white savior,” a con

Hotep Proposals

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     We’ve gone on about the need for the strong Black family unit capitalizing on the fact that potential queens outnumber available kings by a wide margin.  No need to present any figures on that one, just believe it. Or research it yourself and come back here when you’re ready.      Heck, we even wrote a beautiful  poem  about it one time. But the question seems to remain for some reason, “how?” We’ve decided that today will be the day we focus on the answer to that question.      First thing’s first… You have to find the first one and work from there.  Meet her wherever you meet women.  The mall,  Wal Mart  Target, HBCU Homecomings, churches, WHEREVER. That’s the easy part.  The hard part, now is getting her on board with your vision.  You’re going to have to sell her some dreams.  “Dreams,” as things so happen to be, are pretty much standard.  The house and kids things are a good place to start. Once she is in the fold, the task of getting more qu

Hotep Hollywood... Good Times

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     “Good Times” What ‘good time’ there to be had when you literally can NOT escape the projects under any circumstances?      Hollyweird.  Hates.  Us. Is that becoming a constant around here?  It should be, since it seems to always a proven point.      In one of a few instances where a Black family is shown with both parents present as a constant, they seemed to find themselves mired in far-fetched bullshit to show off that they couldn’t catch a break.  Of 133 episodes of Good Times through the years, the Evans family (no relation) – as an ongoing plot focus – made several attempts to get OUT of what is implied to be Cabrini-Green. I won’t even bother with why they were even IN Chicago when the show was spun off of Maude, which was set in NY. Anyway…      A black family making due with no substance abuse, extramarital children, no babies having babies an artistic older son, a daughter on her way to school and a young son who is interested in the issues.  Sh

Hotep Pussy... Revisited

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     Y’all remember before I met Mimi and had it stuck in my head to get at a Hotep chick and she wound up slowly ruining my life? Sure you do. Lemme remind you. Caught up now?  Let me continue… So I am chilling at work a couple of weeks ago.  I gets a text message from a number I had apparently not saved or had since deleted.  If you read the link above before continuing here, then you know I deleted it instead of simply not saving. Texter: “Peace Yakub ” Me: “Huh?  Who dis?” Texter: “So you just gon act like you don’t remember me?” Me: “Well, I got a new phone/carrier in October.” Texter: “Oh, okay…  It’s [redacted].” Me: “OHHH!!!  But, um…  Yakub?” Texter: “Oh, I forgot, you was faking shit.  Normal coon-types say ‘hey bighead.’” Me: “Watch that coon shit, I can block you just as easily.  You were the one who had me in crocheted pants and shit.” Texter: “Chill.  I was just checking in on you.  Hadn’t heard from you in a while.  What you been up to

Hotep Movie Moment -- Lean On Me

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     Y’all know one of the Hotep-est movies ever made was based on a real-life event, right? In the 1989 classic film Lean On Me , Joe Clark (above right), portrayed by the voice of everyone’s conscience Morgan Freeman (left) is tasked with the tall order of being the cleaner of beleaguered East Side High in Paterson NJ.      Hollyweird norms would serve it that he would fail MISERABLY in this task and eventually need to be saved by someone whose skin is much paler than his own, but be-damned-lieve it or not, he succeeded! He went up in that school and he yelled at people, he bullied the crackheads, he threatened the dealers and risked his own freedom to keep those kids safe and get those damn test scores up! Hoo-fuckin’-ray Hollyweird!  One time in the then-76 years of motion pictures featuring sound, they let a Black man come into a shit situation and make it a NOT shit situation without first involving a White Savior™. AND this shit was based on a real true story? S