Showing posts with the label quarantine shenanigans

True Story©… Tokyo 2020

       Another Thursday morning, another instance of me explaining where the hell I have been for the previous couple of weeks. The short answer, here, is “in Japan.”      The long answer is the one you’re getting though, and it perfectly aligns with the “menagerie of shit that could only happen to me” that you’ve become accustomed to. This all started back in late April with a phone call… Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Hi, this is [redacted] from the USOC, and--…” Me: “United…   States…   Olympic…   Commission?” Caller: “Correct, sir and we’re calling in reference to--…” Me: “And you’re aware that the last time I participated in any organized sport was 80 pounds ago, right?” Caller: “Well we’ve been recently advised of your RECENT prowess, and this is in an event that doesn’t necessarily require athletic acumen.” Me: “This should be good.   Which event?” Caller: “Skeet shooting.” Me: “HA!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!” Caller: “Did I say something wrong?” Me: “I don’t thi

True Story©… Context

       There is a special level of shenanigous dipshittery to be gleaned from a proper lack of context in an all-of-a-sudden non sequitur element that was not non sequitur until you got involved. That was big (or big-in-nature) words…   Relax, it will all come up on the final test.      So I have been working from home since March 19, 2020 and the number of miles I have put on one car and the number of wrench time I have put on the one that hasn’t moved further than three feet in seven years serves it that I don’t even WANT to go back to the office. But I am bored. Apart from spending a week at a time cooking up 1k-3k words a week to grip five people in my mania here, I find myself looking for ways to entertain myself in my daily motions, even when those “motions” don’t involve venturing further than the driveway.      Although vaccines are slowly opening outside, we’re still healthily scared of the stupidity of people because we’ve been paying attention to America since someone w

True Story©… Initiate Plan B

       I tend to make notoriously horrible financial decisions… It is a small miracle that I have been in this house for almost 12 years without my mortgage company coming to kick my door in as just rewards for my own stupidity.      As y’all may recall, I famously sank all of our liquid cash into a risky crypto bet just a couple of weeks ago.   As it stands, I have still made some money on that, but not enough to quit my job like some nerds on the internet said I would be able to.   I am pretty sure my wife hasn’t checked the joint account balance recently, but I sweat profusely every time she pulls her phone out and I cannot see her screen.      I need to make a comeup real soon… With some luck, I had sank money I (we) already had into to the Meme Crypto market, and my stimmy check HAPPENED to show up a couple of days later so I was not exactly “broke.”   Not yet at least. When, despite the egging along of the likes of Elon Musk, Snoop Doge and even a mention from Mark Cub

True Story©… Hiking Hitches

       For someone who really doesn’t like human beings very much, I sure do know a whole damn lot of people.   Or people know what I look like, I should say…      Respondent to my company’s generous leave time allowances and given the time none of us were able to take off last year, they also extended the rollover policy to allow us to not lose hours this year.   The problem behind that is now I have another year with the Rona to try and figure out how to burn like 39 paid days off working instead of 31 while still not really leaving the house.   This while also navigating 50/50 custody of my child and absolutely needing to be in this house while school is in session. Needless to say, I don’t get out much.   But I do take a lot of Mondays and/or Fridays off in order to enjoy three-day weekends and engage in my good ol shenanigous dipshittery.      One such instance, I decided among myselves that I would test a theory and see if hitchhiking was still a thing in 2021, especially d

True Story©… Surprise, Matriarch Fornicator!

       I was in Vietnam. No, seriously, I was IN Vietnam!   Read about it here and here , then come back and we will continue…        Welcome back.      The funniest of shit has happened since I have been home during this whole Rona situation… I sit and watch Maury every morning at 11 and then again every afternoon at 5, just to make sure people are still living more shittily than I am.      One day a couple of weeks ago, just as it was going off and my lunch break was beginning, my wife was away at a meeting at her school.   I threw on some shoes and set out to grab some Jamaican food for lunch, a Lyft stops in front of my house and blocks my departure. I hop out of the car prepared to throw hands in the street, and a guy jumps out of the car and yells “FATHER!!!”      Now, a perhaps few of you know that I spent some of my 20s doing some bald-head-hoe shit, so the fact that something like this has not happened by now lands somewhere between being a surprise and of validat