Showing posts from July, 2009

Phlip, the Conspiracy Theorist...

You know what? What if these damned nutjobs are actually right? What if, by some already (and often) disputed and refuted chance, Obama was actually NOT a citizen? No, stay with me here... Jamal and I were talking a couple weeks ago and thought of some situations that MIGHT make this wholly possible that he is not a natural born citizen... Yep, that's EXACTLY right.... Because his poor mom and dad of terrorist descent both knew that in 50 years time, he would be president. So they conspired with the Hawaii state government to smuggle baby Obama in from Kenya and forge several documents stating he was born there, including two Hawaiian newspapers. This goes not to mention that this ALL went down before Hawaii was even a state, so he is automatically disqualified, which furthers the ruse in that that it means that Obama is probably at least 10 years older than the 48 that he claims to be. That's right, folks this would also make him a draft dodger. Damn him, that unamerican, up

Would you like to try your hand at death?

No worries about me... The elevated cow and/or pig contents in these concoctions will make for abso-fucking-lute certain that I will not come anywhere close enough to consume or cook either one of them, but far be it from me to not at least share this death with the both of you... I present to you... The Bacon-Weave Cheese Wrap: The Bacon and Cheese-Stuffed Pizza Burger: So there you have it, folks... Go out into the world, spend a couple bucks on supplies and jump into the kitchen, making sure that you impress all your fat friends and set yourself up for your next quadruple bypass. No worries, if president Obama gets his non-specific way, then you can expect to not have to worry too hard about whether or not you'll be covered.


Originally posted a version of this on MySpace back in December 06 (I think), edited it for current-day applicability and now will share. There seems to be a bit of an odd conflict within the "me" that a lot of you know, at times the way I do one thing seems to be directly in the face of how I intend to, or WANT to do some things. Not to the point of hypocrisy, but definitely to the point of extreme paradox, I would call it. I don't do things the way I do as a vehicle to being at internal conflict with myself or external conflict with others, but that just seems to be the way shit goes down sometimes. I have decided to compile some of the things that have come to mind and, as things usually are with me, this list is in no particular order of occurrence or importance: - I don't often use the N-word on a regular basis unless in jest with friends, or talking ABOUT the word. … but I can say the word "coon" with reckless lack of attention to who is in earshot. -

Why grown men should not be equipped with camera phones...

... at least perverted asshole grown men like myself. Killing time between lunch and the movie with The Katie yesterday, we kinda strolled the mall, for lack of anything better to really do. Wandered into Spencer's and their "irresponsible fratboy" t-shirts were especially funny to me for some reason. What was funny about this is that I am laughing at and photographing these with my girlfriend standing next to me, laughing with me, or at something unrelated but equally irresponsible. I knew I was keeping her around for something.

Wile E Coyote is a dumb motherfucker

Originally posted to MySpace September 2007 Know that my normal set of rules apply, if it LOOKS like a link, then it is, it will not open in a new window/tab (browser dependent) unless you tell it to, right-click and make it do that so you don't lose your place... Now let us get down to business... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wile E. Coyote is a STUPID motherfucker, possessing apparently more money than common sense... Yeah, this seems off-base for what I am normally willing to take ahold of, but I think of odd things while I am in the shower, since the water pressure, compared to the size of the hot water heater in this house, does not allow me time to jerk off while in the shower like a similarly distracted mind might. Oh well, I have been more random, so why not let me have a little bit of fun, here. Wile E. (Etherbert, if you were unaware) Coyote JUST might be the dumbest motherfucker on planet universe.

"The Magic Johnson Theory" a Myspace Reblog

... originally posted to my MySpace December 2007... Everyone knows that there is usually this odd little banter between Roger and I whenever we should so happen to be in the same place at the same time for any period of time... This past Saturday, we had some shit to do, and stopped to murder someone's breakfast buffet somewhere in the middle of it and as we rode around to the "doing nothing" part of the day, happened upon a few more of our inappropriate jokes, which are usually only funny to us. To those on the outside looking in, how we usually find ourselves laughing is funnier than the actual subject matter, but that is the caveat of having a morbid sense of humor. I mean, we MIGHT have talked about how Jessica Alba is allegedly pregnant, and how she allegedly is in need of a prescription for Valtrex . For those too lazy to click a link and learn themselves up, or don't already know, I invite you to think of the commercials where people are smiling all the

In the kitchen with Phlip... "Phlip wings" -- a MySpace Repost

I posted this one on MySpace back on Superbowl Sunday, then got drunk and missed 4/5 of the damned game... Okay, I had mentioned the glory of my wings over the weeks leading up to today, SuperBowl Sunday. I decided to bring the cam into the kitchen with me and chronicle the process... One would think it to be decently straightforward, but people have tried and failed to replicate, and wound up buying chicken and bringing it to me to cook and paying me for my time. I am going to lay it all out here for you. I'll tell you what you will need and how to make it do what it do. Ready? Fuck you, I don't care, let's get down to it. (note, this is fucking HILARIOUS if you imagine Billy Mays screaming these instructions) You will need... 19 pounds of chicken wings: (well, maybe not 19, but you get it. Seasoning mix: (seasoning mix contains ground ginger, Old Bay, lemon pepper, onion powder, garlic pepper, cayenne pepper, hot Jamaican curry, and black pepper, you may alter this as you

German automotive pr0ns -- BMW M6

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