The musings of a madman...

       This summer, I pulled in side money with my lawn mower and arming myself with a collection of sob stories to sell up the source of my abilities. All told, the hustle made me a plenty of extra cash for sneakers and narcotics using my spare time while also serving as a several-hours-a-week supplement to my weekly exercise regimen.      It stands to reason that pictures posted to my socials of my own yard (below) and of a couple of the ones I am duly and fairly paid for (not pictured) serve as my “résumé” to any interested party, but the funny thing about human beings is that they want to know shit that might be none of their damned business.      When I moved into my house in 2021, I was left with nasty work in the way of needing to fix this yard.  Over the course of this, I noted what a godawful job my next door neighbor’s yard man was doing of keeping hers up, despite the fact that he lives FIVE houses down.  In conversation with her, she decided that perhaps she would rath

       So we’re sitting in the living room eating dinner and watching Jeopardy when the alarm panel and both of our phones chime with the doorbell.  I get up expecting to tell the kids across the street that my daughter is with her mother this week.  It is a white man… “Are you lost?  How can I help you?” I ask through the slightly parted screen door. He hands me a manila envelope and says “you’ve been served” before walking down off of my front porch as I stood aghast.      Wife person looking on asks me what is going on.  I sit back down on the loveseat and open the folder. Me: “We’re being sued…” Wife Person™: “What!?”   Me: “Not you.” Wife Person™: “What the hell are you talking about?”   Me: “Me and Moe.”   …  well I’mma explain this shit to y’all now, same as I am to my wife…      Of late, I have been trying to reform Moe Phillips’ public image.  After spending time with my therapist and learning better coping mechanisms than to drink myself to sleep, I re

       Lying is…   Difficult. Think about it, you have to fashion the falsehood or prevarication against the conversation that necessitated it and then you have to SUPPORT the shit by remembering what you said and not tripping up on it.   Most people’s memories – short or long term – just aren’t built to be remembering that kind of thing.   It is much easier to just tell the truth and deal with what may come of it when it is time to do so.      Unless you’re telling a stinker that you will never have to answer for… Then lying is not only easy, but actually kind of fun. And that is the kind of lie we are gonna deal with today!      Once upon a time, after my days with my ex wife a woman I had a wedding with once, I found myself to have quite a bit of time on my hands and no desire to “people” enough to seek anyone to do things with.   One thing I used to enjoy doing was to just hop in a car and ride around a while, taking in the scenery of the city and listening to amazing mus

       For someone who really doesn’t like human beings very much, I sure do know a whole damn lot of people.   Or people know what I look like, I should say…      Respondent to my company’s generous leave time allowances and given the time none of us were able to take off last year, they also extended the rollover policy to allow us to not lose hours this year.   The problem behind that is now I have another year with the Rona to try and figure out how to burn like 39 paid days off working instead of 31 while still not really leaving the house.   This while also navigating 50/50 custody of my child and absolutely needing to be in this house while school is in session. Needless to say, I don’t get out much.   But I do take a lot of Mondays and/or Fridays off in order to enjoy three-day weekends and engage in my good ol shenanigous dipshittery.      One such instance, I decided among myselves that I would test a theory and see if hitchhiking was still a thing in 2021, especially d

     Times these days are tougher than a $2 steak cooked well done. When “times” don’t allow me much time to go out into the world without my wife in tow, my misadventures become considerably more difficult.   The long and short is that I cannot include her in my little hustles unless she is a willing participant.  With school back in, I get enough free time when she has to go to the school for meetings and such. Some years ago I encountered a video where a dude used some plaster of paris and sand to make a small foundry in a bucket for smelting metal in your back yard for casting on a smaller level or, one might infer, scrap metal recycling.   Some metals can scare up to a couple of bucks a pound, whereas silver and gold can scare up a ton more than that.   The issue at hand is that recycling centers have upped the security bar and questions they ask of you approach with a ton of copper piping and don’t have a professional (and licensed) reason to have it in your posses

     Soon after separation, but before divorce, I was only about half-serious about dating.  To be honest, I gave about a fuck about dating to be honest and didn’t really want to be around people except to make sex, and then get on with my life. I was also TERRIBLY bored of it all and mildly annoyed with even THAT go of it, so I sometimes made a point of poisoning some situations just to see how far I could take it. Not with EVERY woman I met, mind you, just the ones I really saw nothing – not even a quick roll in the hay – with.  Enter Moe Phillips: Supervillain Esq…      I didn’t address every woman I encountered as Moe.  In fact, I generally maintained two profiles, one as Phillip [redacted] and one as Moe Phillips .  I didn’t catfish anyone; just know that I have looked like three different people in my adult life… -    Me with dreads and could be bothered to shave/trim every couple of days. -    Me, still with dreads and--…  Fuck that shaving shit. -    Me withou