Showing posts from 2011

Parodies of news happenings

With pop culture being what it is, parody of a pop culture piece is usually a safe vehicle for the continuation of your “brand.” With recent developments surrounding the 2012 Republican candidates-to-be, most specifically one Herman Cain, I am of the opinion that RIGHT NOW is the time for one of those in famous “… an XXX parody”. As ever, and in the same vein as “Whose Nailin’ Palin” from a couple of years back, the title should be cheesy and especially groan-worthy, and this one is no different. “Spermin’ Cane” The allegations as presented publicly thus far give us 3 scenes, which I will go into now. Scene 1 The “harassment” allegations stem from what was said to have taken place at office parties. In the hospitality industry, this naturally usually includes alcohol. So we have our lead, an older black gentleman, drunkenly hitting on his younger white subordinates with every brand of inappropriateness one can imagine. Naturally, for casting

"Trickin' ain't easy" -- the Herman Cain story

Have I really allowed the news to get me involved in an election cycle THIS early in the game? With an incumbent, there is only one side of it until next year, and MAN has this side generated a lot of buzz. Nevermind Rick Perry’s Niggerhead Ranch , Newt Gingrich being a philanderer (and in such, hypocrite) and hothead, Mitt Romney being a flipflopper, Michelle Bachman being Michelle Bachman and Ron Payl being very old; ALL of that pales in comparison to Herman Cain’s apparent trying to use the election to become the next dude to get brained in the oval office. After Tiger Woods’ situation two years ago, it seems that this will be an every-other-Thanksgiving occurrence, and for the sake of keeping the evening news entertaining, I am cool with this arrangement. We found ourselves riveted to our screens as one after another (or their lawyers where confidentiality agreements prohibited) came out to discuss their situation with the man who had previously

By hook, or by hook, or by hook... Internet Spam rappers

Among other things, one of my day jobs/pastimes is as one of 5 Admins over a web forum that, as of when I type this, has 106,310 members. You can imagine the amount of traffic a forum of that stature does in a normal day, which makes it quite the valued resource to members and advertisers. Unfortunately this leaves it as a value to spammers as well, and lord knows the Bot Network is HARD at work, as we bust up your standard “unlocked cellphone,” “ED drugs,” “streaming content” and “replica clothes/jewels” posts on the daily. Suffice it to say that I KNOW what an annoyance it is to be sold something that I have not agreed to be sold. I mean, I watch sporting events fully understanding that there will be advertisements all over the arenas and commercials every 5-9 minutes. That said, when I go to FaceBook or Twitter from my desktop, the last thing I want is to be inundated with link after link after link after post about your music site, about your “best hip-hop blog o

Billy Bobb the Boss

Much has been said about BAWSE rapper Rick Ross and his choice for a rap name, considering that he chose to use the name of someone who was at the time serving a sentence for selling crack to turn and sell made-up stories about his own life while selling crack. There is no secret that Ross’ (the rapper, not the crack peddler) real name is William Roberts. In the scheme of things, and among the nicknaming convention, that would be shortened to “Billy Bob.” Ever the silly-ass, I thought to myself that perhaps he would be better served to have used the “Billy Bob” moniker to rap under. Now to why this is so silly… The natural first-to-mind when we think of “Billy Bob” is the dude who quite probably bumped uglies with Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball . However, if you grew up in what is now the 336 areas of North Carolina back when it was still the 910 (and then 919) area of North Carolina, and are at least 29 years of age by my estimation then you remember “Billy Bobb” as this

Third Friday in October

A repost of mammarial proportions ... (yes, I know that "mammarial" is not a word, or was not until now) I'd originally posted this blog in October 2007, and as the date draws near again my mind has not changed one little bit, nor has the importance of the subject at hand, so here goes... Do you know what this week is? According to NYC Cancer Prevention , the 3rd Friday in every October is "National Mammography Day." I know what you're thinking, "But Phillip, you don't have titties," and the jokes of my man-boobs are damn near moot, as they are just about gone now. I DO have a sense of humor about myself and I know that I am still not a small person by any stretch of the imagination, but I digress... I have taken on the vigil, as a member of the S traight M ale P ride F oundation (AKA the "anti-zesty coalition," PKA the "take off them fuckin' skinny jeans frontline"), p

Special Agent: Santa Claus

Part of me wants to feel bad for thinking it the actions of a reasonably-thinking human being to scribe something like this with a small child recently having moved into my house… The other side of me says “stop being a little bitch and keep typing, fa**got…” As things often go between the angel on one and devil on the other shoulder, here I am at the keyboard about to scribe some fantastically irresponsible shit. Today, we will be rationalizing the reasons that I feel that Santa Claus is actually a government agent. We can use the most popular work about the man’s dealings – “Santa Claus is coming to town” – to tie these things together. You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town! He's making a list, He's checking it twice, He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town! He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you'

A League of Their Own

Title not to be confused with movies about baseball As it begins to look more and more like I will not be granted an NBA season this year, I was thinking of what I would do with myself. Then the Knicks’ Amar’e Stoudemire made an asinine statement about “ we should start our own league ,” which I INITIALLY responded to with “shut the ham-fat up, you fucking idiot” and then I sat a day and thought about it for a little while. For the sake of the exercise we are to assume that the teams will be self-coached, and that regular event planners and the players’ agents will hash out the monetary details beyond what we will discuss shortly. What we know: · There are currently 30 NBA teams that each suit 10-12 players for action every night. · Some of those players already have or will sign with foreign teams to continue to earn a paycheck play ball while the lockout goes on. · Some of those players still have either made enough or properl

If the lockout persists...

This is going to be a LONG fall/winter for me without NBA basketball… Yes, I know I will have NCAA ball from November through the beginning of April, but that is just not the same to me… Know who ELSE is going to miss those millionaires running up and down the court? TNT/TBS, ESPN/ABC and NBATV are all going to be HURT for the missing content. I thought to myself about what WOULD they put in the slots that are at this moment still allotted for the televising of NBA games this coming season if there happens to be no (or a shortened) season? This weekend, NBATV showed some “Hardwood Classics” games from years past, and the younger generation may have gotten to see a time where teams like Phoenix, Indiana, Portland and the New York Knicks all pretended to be credible threats to win an NBA championship. Yes, it was all pretending because of that Michael Jordan guy, and Hakeem Olajuwon while MJ went to pretend to be a baseball player to avoid suspension over gambling

Why I should probably not run a pr0ns production company

As ever, the course of conversations come to me thinking of means to be an ass in the face of what people usually enjoy, even if this entails the adding of elements that they HATE about things they love... 4am reruns of 80s sitcoms Comedy central Pr0ns Those are things that people generally enjoy, no? Well during those 4am rerun sessions and on Comedy Central at ANY time of the day, you WILL be subjected to the tearjerker “send us some money” commercials with Sarah McLachlan and a half-mutilated domesticated animal set to the tune of music that could make a Georgia prosecutor cry. Many of us love pr0ns too, and what’s not to love about it? I will TELL you what’s not to love about it is that 15 minutes of advertising at the beginning of the DVD that NO DVD player is equipped to skip without 10 minutes of button pushing. While I am convinced that the hassle that these ads were a large part of what drove millions of perves from DVD to the internet, I am sure tha