Showing posts from 2010

As the year winds down...

As the year winds down, there are a great many of you who are scribing out your new years’ resolutions. Statistics have shown that 91.8738% (<- the arbitrariness of that number shows that I do my research on these… Trust me, I’m a doctor!) of those resolutions will fail. I am not one to make resolutions at the beginning of the year, I fly through life by the seat of my pants and make irrational decisions to keep shit interesting. However! As a well-established connoisseur (yes, I spelled that right first time without spellcheck) of mistake-making, I am here today to explain and work with you on how to properly fashion your resolutions. First of all, lose the Kanye line “aim for the stars, so even if you fail you land on a cloud” line of thinking. Aiming too high is where people set themselves for failure right out of the gate. Anyone who would PLAN for failure likely has more deeply underlying issues that need to be addressed, and unfortunately I am not THAT type of doctor.

Spike Lee movies for 2010 well, '11 by this time (pt. 3)

Time for closure... I am convinced that while Spike Lee Flicks, adapted for the current market, would be a critical success, in that most movie reviewers are – pretend to be – at least DECENTLY objective when looking into these things. If Spike Lee’s name would be good enough to get the movie onto enough screens nation/worldwide, he would make enough money to cover production and make profit enough to continue doing him, but they would SURELY not be landslide success-level blockbusters. “why,” you ask? Black audiences these days tend to run away from being told about themselves. It seems that they would more often rather be told how to feel, be it feeling sorry for themselves, to hate their own or just when and how to cry. White audiences often don’t understand “black” issues, even if they feed you the ‘I have tons of black friends’ line ad-infinitum. The days of PAYING to be taught some shit died in college to a great many people of all races. You wanna teach me some shit, you need

Spike Lee movies for 2010 well, '11 by this time (pt. 2)

picking up where we left off, now we will discuss the next of the mentioned Spike Lee Flicks... Do the Right Thing (1989) This movie deals directly with the multiple plights of the residents of a Brooklyn neighborhood on what happens to be the hottest day of the year. The major theme dealt with in the movie happens to be race relations, centering around a pizza parlor and the treatment of black patrons, real or perceived... Irony comes from the titling of this movie, as it seems that NOBODY is doing the right thing in the entire movie. [ Phlip note - except Radio Raheem, he could DO no wrong] We have EVERYTHING one could desire in a movie; Public Enemy music serving as damn near the ENTIRE score, Rosie Perez, Rosie Perez' titties, racism, class-based discrimination, hatred of immigrants, disregard for the elderly/mentally challenged, and (best of all) Samuel Leroy 'motherfuckin' Jackson . Besides, who CAN'T love a movie that includes li

Spike Lee movies for 2010 well, '11 by this time (pt. 1)

While fatly pigging the fuck out eating out with The Katie last Friday night, I had an epiphany. Oddly, I would find that an “epiphany” is not an item on the buffet at Golden Corral… Never mind that though. The burst of thought led to a tweet/FaceBook status update. “What if Spike Lee remade his movies for 2010? What if he made school daze and do the right thing now but not then?” No need to address the couple of responses I got, since this was not a question of the day, except for the one from the homie Simon, who retweeted it as well, which included “ You need to blog this .” Never one to turn down the requests of my two loyal readers (or any of the others I might have scared off by means of not coddling their fragile little egos), here we are… Anyway… I will direct my focus in these posts on the two of Shelton Jackson Lee's movies specifically named, Do the Right Thing and School Daze, and I will take them on one at a time, doing so in the order

You don't care? PROVE IT!

I will never understand why people feel the need to join a conversation just to inform everyone involved that they don’t care about the topic at hand. Maybe it’s just me, but ‘I don’t care’ should be a station you go through in action and not statement. If someone is talking about something you do not care about, for one to go out of their way to have to SAY they don’t care is a very out-front suggestion that the topic at hand took up enough real estate in their minds for them to say something about it. In application, this makes untrue the ‘I don’t care’ statement. Perhaps better employed would be ‘I don’t care as much as you do,’ but fact remains that even THAT would have one coming off as a bit of a dick as well, what with the suggestion that ‘what you care about is beneath me’ and all. As ever, argument of sorts will ensue and then people get feelings hurt. And to think how less-than-necessary this would be if people could refer back to the art of shutting up. [ Phlip note – as

In dealing with the self-involved...

Okay, Let’s face it… All of us know at least 4-5 people who are so terribly self-involved that everything done or talked about MUST be turned into a conversation about them. If not directly, eventually… Today, I will deal with two of those individuals. Given this fact, we’re all well aware what a drain it can be to be FORCED to deal with such folks, so I thought to myself “self… we should devise a system in which these people are to be handled as deserved” [ Phlip note – yes I do talk to myself, and you do too, fuckers…] Make note of the word “deserved” in that sentence, as it is not to be understood as “how they feel they deserve,” rather “what in the fuck they have earned. Scene 1… You: “my birthday’s coming up in a couple weeks… We’re gonna have a big party at so-and-so’s house, you should try to come” Them: “oh wow, is it your birthday again already? That means it’s only a few months left til mine.” You: “Yeah, you want the address to the party, you comin’?” Them: “hmm

Ashton Kutcher Music

Yes, this is directly a play on the title of Rick Ross' song Aston Martin Music . Allow me first to apologize... A couple of different "car trouble moments," one of them conspiring towards me meeting my maker but deftly avoided, have had me in position to listen to something other than Sean Price in my own car on the way to and from wherever I should so happen to be headed. That said, I am noticing a pattern (which has likely been in play on “urban” radio for years, but damned if I would know it)… Every third song must include one (or any combination) of either Trey Songz, Drake, Nikki Minaj and/or Rick Ross. Lil Wayne used to employ one of these spots, but a stretch in the pokey downgraded him to once in 5 songs. The constant, here, though is that I STILL feel like we’re being punk’d. [ Phlip note – see, when have I EVER gotten to my point that fast?] I can’t find it in myself to believe a damned word

Leaders vs. Followers

People, we have been trained by a vague understanding of what exactly defines a leader vs. a follower... In the shower, I got to thinking, and a couple of metaphors came to mind… [Phlip note – “in the shower/car/office/torture chamber" is how a great many of these might find themselves beginning] Why is it that we allow ourselves to let our heroes and their sidekicks define what we think of as a leader versus a follower? Stay with me here… As anyone who knows me knows, I am MADLY a basketball fanatic and while I can concede that the combination of Cheese Eyes’ on-court contribution and off-court influence combine to make him the best player we have yet seen, I am STILL of the opinion that he was as much a co-leader of that team than he could have EVER been the hands-down leader. Stick a pin in that, it will come up later in the post. Okay, with that said, I am sure that some of you are thinking “well what in the blue hell is he talking about? Think ab

If I could be like 'Nique... wait, what?

There seems to be very few questions on who some players in the NBA are compared to most times… Kobe is compared to Mike, whether Cheese Eyes himself or any of his minions will admit to the validity of it. [ Phlip note – we can leave it to the nice folks of to explain their argument for the validity of comparison] Carmelo Anthony has a lot of George Gervin in him, in the sheer number of ways he can find (and make) his shot. Kevin Durant is Larry Bird; not a freak athlete like his peers, but more than makes due with effort and the use of the skillset he does have. I could go on and on, but I would rather get to the point. LeBaron James… [ Phlip note – yes, I know it feels like I am picking on the guy… well I am] I am inclined to compare him to Dominique Wilkins more than I am the first person that people try to compare him to; Magic Johnson. Perhaps it has a great deal to do with the fact that I am a Lakers fan since my Granddaddy was and Magic is a legend in Laker

"You me, and Wii... What's it gonna be, baby?"

The more I hear about some peoples’ relationshits, the better and better I feel about my own… As a great many of the two of you may have been informed via text message – or notice from wall postings on FaceBook – I was given my Christmas present early this year when The Katie bought me a PlayStation 3 two weeks ago. The first night I got it, a Monday, my brother and I hooked it to the Vizio, set up PSN accounts and profiles and all that goodness, but I did not play the damned thing until Wednesday after work… I took notice, though, some mention of the short-sighted of the world questioning the wisdom of her decision to give it to me. The question was of the gift in general, not of the time frame of the giving of it. I would go on to hear stories that were always of one of two extremes… Male: man, it got to the point where I only play after she goes to bed or I am home alone, she complains about me playing any time I LOOK at it. Female: I don’t know WHY she gave you that thing, you go

"Guilty Pleasures"... a conversation

Thought of this one in the shower a few days back, then forgot to post it for 2 days at least… Just thought to do it from the phone just now. Curiosity fully piqued, I figured that I would ask the people… “Question of the day… What is/are your guilty pleasure/pleasures?” Yeah, this one should be EXTRA fun, provided the people actually play along. First respondent was former coworker/longtime friend-of-a-friend Lynette, with… "Cheeseburgers...smh..." The next response was from the homie/forum member Mel , with… "The Twilight Series and Vampire Diaries." Next respondent asked to remain anonymous, and came with… “You know what? If it is truly a pleasure then I am not guilty about it. I correct people on the most minor of things. I wait for people to show an opinion on something, then disagree vehemently even if I do so while claiming to have no real opinion. If anyone is enjoying anything that I happen not to, I must tell them how stupid they are for it, even if I si

Making a case against the necessity of literacy...

[ preemptive Phlip note - I know the title of this blog is made ironic by its very location and medium... I got a chuckle out of it] Not that 31 is “old,” but I know I had more time to read when I was younger… Strange thing, that, seeing as how up to about 25 years old, I easily doubled the number of hours “worked” (counting being in class from 8am-1:40pm, then working 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week and 4-5 hours two others – overtime is a BEAST) compared to right now. Another thing I had more time and money for at the time was music, so much that the two hobbies’ time spent would more often than not intersect. No worries about many other things, considering the internets still sucked at the time as it were. All we HAD was music, Playstation and books. I moved into my house last August and closed on it in October (see previous blog for details on how that worked out), but I had not moved all my stuff in until damn near April of this year. Even now, one year and almost 2 weeks afte

Double Parkin'

So, I am pulling into the lot on lunch just a few minutes ago… It is Monday so the lot is full of course. This will mean I have to park in the back. Once there, I notice a peculiarity… Well, we all know I don’t like peculiarities, so I had to adjust where I had positioned my car as a result. I would hate for this guy's 'Vette to get all lonely in the corner of the parking lot. Hey, at least I parked MINE in one space, a real space at that. If I wake up one day afraid to be a dick to those who deserve it, I will be terribly disappointed in what I’d become.

New Technique...

Yeah, I been seeing those credit repair/"fix your credit thingies" in different flavors around town for a LONG time, and I actually gave a little thought to using one of them last year, the vagueness of them worried me out of blowing my cash. Here’s the thing, though… Like a great many colored folks, I was once young/dumb and in such kinda loose with my credit. All I knew is that I was given some payment devices and I would go on to use them without thinking about who would pay them and when. I have learned the error of my way. I set about the task of fixing the problem and making proper decisions and building proper habits. It was also an effective deterrent that I was made deathly afraid of credit by my prior fuckups. As a great many of the two of you know, this approach – with some luck and an assist from a credit card company that has since closed their doors – led to my repairing that magic number that too few understand properly well enough to score a deed to some prop

Lowered expectations

I have been made to spend more time than I might fancy listening to things that I just can’t make myself like, damning any attempts to or against it as of late… For the past 5ish weeks, I been back at one of my old places of employment, this time on a part-time/seasonal basis, slinging negro clothing goods in varying levels of bad taste and egregious cost. That is not what this post is about… Anyway, I am working with, save for the manager of the store, people who are 5-12 years younger than me, so suffice it to say that our tastes in music greatly vary. Three times over the course of these weeks have I heard something played from the stack of CDs in the store that I would listen to at home with one being a J. Cole mixtape that I downloaded when I did get home. With that in mind, I brought in another one I’d found and brought it into the store and would never hear it again except for in my home or my car. What, then, are we made to listen to? Never mind, now, that 10 ye

Photo Phun -- Why Phlip dislikes brown folks

Subtitle to this blog should be "just because you CAN doesn't mean that you SHOULD" When I leave my house, I have a camera with me. Even if that camera is attached to the phone. If I am photographing you, it is not always a good thing. Hell, it is RARELY a good thing to be totally honest. Yes, someone is SLEEPING in that mattress in the mall parking lot. What's funny is that these beyond-means-living fuckers more often than not drive these automotive abominations home to their apartments (or their mama's house in some cases) and somehow this is OKAY to them. Phlip hates brown people, neverminding that he happens to be black himself.

First 2010-11 NBA Season post

Let’s talk basketball, peoples. The season begins this coming Tuesday and I couldn't be a bit happier. I do not claim to be some clairvoyant individual able to predict the future, but I do lay claims to being several things. Among them… An asshole A Laker fan A connoisseur of all fine things related to titties and professional basketball, one of these things will be expounded upon in this post. Articulate enough to talk/write about it. That said, what happens here are not necessarily predictions, rather just my opinion of how things will play out. You know what? I am getting my boldest statement out of the way right at the outset… The Los Angeles Clippers will make the playoffs this season. There, I said it… Card-carrying lifelong Lakers fan just told the both of you that the first round of the Western Conference Playoffs will NOT leave the Staples Center this year. It felt weird typing it, but I really mean it. With a presumed-to-be-healthy Blake Griffin, no Elton Brand on board,