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Showing posts with the label relationships

True Story... Throwback Thursday

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     I am not “popular” but a lot of people seem to know who I am.  It is rare that I go out anywhere within an hour or so from my city that I don’t bump into SOMEONE I know.  Bear in mind for those of you who didn’t learn in elementary school that North and South Carolina are two different states, we do have paved roads and indoor plumbing here in NC and I live in the 68 th -largest city in the US.      Anyway… Back in November, Dollar General had Hot Wheels buy one get one free and I made a point of trying the stock in each of the 5 within five miles of my house.  On a random Friday morning I happened to have off burning up some time, I stopped into one of them and bumped into this girl I had some dealings with when I was 16 doing some before-school shopping with her apparently high school-age son.  I guess you could call it “puppy love,” but in 1995, she was a 'girlfriend' in my 16 year-old mind, at least for a little while.  More on that in a bit though.  I saw her

True Story©... Suicide is Painless

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     How the shit do these people find me? [ Phlip note : I know my email, FB, Twitter, Paypal and website handle are all the same…  it was a rhetorical question] Minding my own damn business on a seasonably warm November afternoon.  Looking busy working on a project, waiting on SOMETHING to stem the tide of a series of bad newses. I get an email… References: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] I was kind of concerned about how I could carry this one for her.  I had some questions that might help me to my decision…      Does this house have a garage? Yes      Does this guy have a car? Yes      Do you still at least hang out outside the house from time to time? Yes      Do you drink? No      Does HE drink? Yes      Would it be a far stretch for you to go out and he get drunk and you drive his car back home? No, happens often I had all I needed to know.  With those details, I arranged for her to meet me in person as I

True Story©... Horrible Advice, continued

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I am beginning to think that True Story© is beginning to ruin my fucking life… Chilling at work on Monday, minding my own business, I gets an email: Fuck My Existence Well I guess it stands to reason that I have BAKED this damn cake, so it is totally on me to frost the sumbitch. We shot some back-and-forth around and he was clear that he was not willing to approach ANY of the holidays with this woman, that he had taken Wednesday off and that would be when he wanted to complete this whole thing.      Well shit on me, I guess I got no time for setup. After work Tuesday, I sat down at the computer and planned and plotted and daydreamed just how I could bail this man out of a VERY shitty situation. At least the kid was not hers and would not have a lot invested in them breaking up.  I mean, it only makes sense that a kid – especially a boy child – is not going to be there for someone disrespecting his father when that father is actually present , no?  

True Story©... Get Back on the Getback

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     I don’t forget shit… Let me rephrase that, I do forget a great many things, but I don’t forget things that matter a great deal to me.      In August, I told y’all about a job I had taken on helping a dude finally decide whether or not he should go through with marrying his girlfriend.  The work in said story was foiled by one of my mans named Marlon who basically, figuratively and literally fucked my money. [ Link , catch up and come back, you will need it if you do not remember]      Anyway, I am not as mad at Marl as I probably should be for how it went down because – as he so succinctly put it – her ass was absolutely stunning.  Besides, we been friends since middle school and I guess I should have known that he would probably fuck the girl first chance he got. Anyway…      Three weeks ago, Marlon calls me with a quandary… Marlon: “Phlip!” Me: “Whatup Marls?” Marlon: “Shit man…  You good?” Me: “All things considered, still mad about that check

True Story©... A Million First Dates

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     There are always times that people can be tested.  Apparently being a people watcher and all-around curmudgeon all of these years has made me pretty good at testing people for their commitment to what is important to me. Sure, there was the one time I messed that up, but we all slip here and there and it is best that we simply learn from it and get on with our lives. Anyway…      You know what is worse than a first date in general?  A BAD first date?  For every first date that ends in surprise sex that you didn’t have to ASK her for will be the one who has printed a list of terroristic demands that she has come up with with the assistance of her miserable friends who want to make sure she stays miserable with them. For every lunch date that turns into 3 hours chilling in the park, there is the one who complains about the restaurant and every other little thing she can come up to in her short-sighted-ass conversation. These are the ones you can’t WAIT to end. But wh

Is it Trickin'? Lessons from our Elders

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     You ever listen to two old men bragging about being sugar daddies?  Like that is some shit to be PROUD of? I am getting gas on my way to my sister’s a couple Sundays ago.  The station I went to was one of those Asian-owned joints with the illegal video poker machines in the corner.  Stationed at two of the five machines were two old (65-70ish) men, each nursing a Miller Lite (before noon on a Sunday!) and chatting each other up the way boys tend to do when they’re drinking and playing.      I was grabbing a drink for myself in addition to gas, so I had to go right by the duo and their conversation was HILARIOUS to me.  My nosy ass slow-walked to the case and fiddled with my phone for a reason to listen to them trying to impress one another for women that weren't around anyway. #1: “Sheeeeeit, n**ga.  I got me a coupla dem young tenders right now.  Them young girls love me man!” #2: “I hear you” #1: “Just like I told my grandson a couple days ago, it don’t

Hotep Pussy... Revisited

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     Y’all remember before I met Mimi and had it stuck in my head to get at a Hotep chick and she wound up slowly ruining my life? Sure you do. Lemme remind you. Caught up now?  Let me continue… So I am chilling at work a couple of weeks ago.  I gets a text message from a number I had apparently not saved or had since deleted.  If you read the link above before continuing here, then you know I deleted it instead of simply not saving. Texter: “Peace Yakub ” Me: “Huh?  Who dis?” Texter: “So you just gon act like you don’t remember me?” Me: “Well, I got a new phone/carrier in October.” Texter: “Oh, okay…  It’s [redacted].” Me: “OHHH!!!  But, um…  Yakub?” Texter: “Oh, I forgot, you was faking shit.  Normal coon-types say ‘hey bighead.’” Me: “Watch that coon shit, I can block you just as easily.  You were the one who had me in crocheted pants and shit.” Texter: “Chill.  I was just checking in on you.  Hadn’t heard from you in a while.  What you been up to

True Story©... Flash Mob

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     My best ideas are most often poorly received and fall flat on their faces.  It is not a result of poor planning or ill intentions as much as it might be simple bad luck or planning shit with the wrong fucking people. Not gonna kick myself about it, though I do that from time to time unfairly to myself, but it is the nature of a mind like mine.      Anyway…  This is True Story©, not “shit on Phlip” time, so let me quit fucking around. As a great many of the two of you know, I was once (briefly) married and I am currently involved with a pretty fucking awesome lady.  What y’all don’t know though is that I proposed one time before either of these women existed in my life. It was late 2002.  I had finally shaken the funk of my previous ex moving away for law school and the fact that we couldn’t work through an indefinite long-distance relationship.  Shit happens.  I had met and fell for someone new and we were giving each other literally all of the time that a couple

True Story©... The "Work Spouse"

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     School is back in, which means the whole of the employed population are now carrying their asses back to where they earn their paychecks.  Some people sandbag the whole or most of their leave time to spend summer vacations with the kids.  Some are teachers themselves and will stay home during the summer instead of a part time job in the in-between. Either way; working, off work or on vacationing with the kids…  It is all over now.      So Monday afternoon on my lunch break, I stop to put gas in my car and the guy at the pump next to me sees a friend of his going into the store and they stop and have a quick conversation… Guy #1: “Yo!  Whatup man?” Guy #2: “Not shit…  Chillin’.” #1: “Sheeit, me too.  Ready to get these damn kids back in school.” #2: “Hell yeah man, these lil n**gas tryna eat me outta house and home.” #1: “Man, fuck the food.  I am lookin’ at that gat-damn light bill!” #2: “Yeah, that too!” #1: “How’s your wife doin’ man?” #2: “She good