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Showing posts with the label feral pigs

The Three Little (Feral) Pigs

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  It is time we confront the fact that “they" have been lying to us our entire lives… For the one among us who can actually stomach the stream-of-jackshit that is my Twitter feed saw this unfolding live in my brain this morning: I would say “don’t ask me why I am thinking about the Three Little Pigs at 11am on a Sunday morning, but I will voluntarily offer that I went to a children’s play of Little Red Riding Hood on Saturday and the idea of the pigs kinda sat in my brain from about 3pm on. It really is the curse of a creative mind. Anyway, I continued to stew on this even as I did my normal Saturday evening routine of “not much” and came to the above conclusion knowing what we know about pigs and wolves. I say “we” because I know it and now you’re about to as well… Let us begin with some simple facts, here Pigs are genetically superior to wolves… Their outcome in the wild bears this out.  We tend to think of pigs as the clumsy and cutesy little fat guys y’all (not me; I

True Story© I Nearly Ended the Feral Pig Apocalypse Once

I HATE talking on the phone. If you ever so feel inclined to call me on the phone, contain everything you need to say into 180 or fewer seconds, and try to make it include an arrangement to meet in person and have a conversation if one needs to be had.  Otherwise, text me.                 I really don’t answer my phone except for from a very few people, and even those people will try not to try and call me unless just necessary. I knew the day the call came from a private number that I was setting myself up for some bullshit… *Phone rings* Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Evans!” Me: “Who is this?” Agent: “You didn’t save the number last time?” Me: “Private number, I don’t know your voice…  Identify yourself.” Agent: “Master control calling, we have a big proje--…” Me: “Wait, the same motherfuckers that dispatched me to Vietnam?” Agent: “Can I please at least explain why it is that I’m--…” Me: “The same assholes that sent agents to take me to Guantanamo?” Agent