Showing posts from August, 2021

True Story©… I’ve Been Located!

  Somehow I knew this day would come…      After years of supervillainous behavior, the tortures, the driving people literally insane, the competitions…   I fuckin’ KNEW this day was coming.      The picture you see above is from my front porch.   It was there when I got home from the gym yesterday morning.   For those who had been unaware of what one actually looks like, that is the shell of a cicada. For those of you have been paying attention through the last little while, you know I am a fan of using cicadas for my own personal gain. [ link ] [ link ] [ link ] Look, I have watched enough crime/espionage shows to spot a tail and make sure I am not being followed or tracked, but I am concerned right now that someone has smoked me out and learned my identity and used the cicada shell to indirectly let me know they’re onto me.      This really is my own fault.   I didn’t spend enough time sharpening my M.O. before employing the cicadas.   I am sure I have allowed myself to be

True Story©… Tokyo 2020

       Another Thursday morning, another instance of me explaining where the hell I have been for the previous couple of weeks. The short answer, here, is “in Japan.”      The long answer is the one you’re getting though, and it perfectly aligns with the “menagerie of shit that could only happen to me” that you’ve become accustomed to. This all started back in late April with a phone call… Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Hi, this is [redacted] from the USOC, and--…” Me: “United…   States…   Olympic…   Commission?” Caller: “Correct, sir and we’re calling in reference to--…” Me: “And you’re aware that the last time I participated in any organized sport was 80 pounds ago, right?” Caller: “Well we’ve been recently advised of your RECENT prowess, and this is in an event that doesn’t necessarily require athletic acumen.” Me: “This should be good.   Which event?” Caller: “Skeet shooting.” Me: “HA!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!” Caller: “Did I say something wrong?” Me: “I don’t thi