The musings of a madman...

       Frequently, I find myself waiting on the other shoe to fall. This is not, like, an ACTIVE thing in the very least but for someone with my kind of history it is just kind of understood that bullshit begets bullshit. I'd say "trust me," but I'm comfortable that most of you are not new here and even if you are there are hundreds of thousands of published words to make the case.      So it's late summer now. The rains of the early/mid summer started winding down a few weeks ago and were replaced with a welcome cooldown in temps. This series of elements saw to it that when I caught up with my lawns that I offered to move all my clients off of scheduled lawn work to "as needed" so as to not be a greedy person for their money. ... I say that to say I was bored...      To combat the malaise, I decided to open up the Moe Phillips email and see what I could make shake. I started back at the end of August. The first one I acknowledged, ...

"I'm worried that I cannot trust my wife..." Oh shit, this gon be good! Lemme keep reading... "We met in high school, and I actually lost my virginity to her..." SHIT!!! We all gas and no brakes here. Aight, aight, I'mma chill and just read now. "The circumstances of even that are kind of wild, though. While I lost my virginity to her, I was not her first. In fact, I'm kind of embarrassed to say that I was not even her first on that very night..." Fucking WHAT?!!? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm trying, y'all! "One of the homies from high school had convinced her into meeting at a house party and letting him and four homies run a train on her. I drew third go before we left for the party, so naturally I waited outside the room door for my turn. I went into the room when it was my go, put on a rubber and did the thing. Sometime during, I decided that she didn't need to be in this situation and that I could be the one to get he...

  I've been doing this all wrong...      It has occurred to me that everyone who has come to me -- be it as Phillip, Moe or Phlip -- for advice over the last few years has received whatever nonsense I could come up with on the spot. No thought was given to resolutions or even task-based problem solving, just "how can I make this person's situation as entertaining as possible for me?" The results have been documented in the pages of this very website if you've been around a while. Needless to say, a time was had.      But again I've been carrying this all wrong. Perhaps, perhaps maybe I've been seeding my own bad karma in seeking my own enjoyment in the situations of others and some of my outcomes have shown this. But what do I do about it?      I decided a few weeks ago that it was time for a change... But hold up a second... I have invested literally SO MUCH time into developing my thought processes to offer up anything rese...

  "Moe,      I'm a single guy... Wait, let me back up a second. I'm 27, college educated with a decent job in my major, work out four times a week, 6'1" and I'd like to think I'm a good looking guy. All that said, I'm still single. It hasn't been for lack of trying, of course. I've done the dating apps, I've shot my shot on social media, I've tried my hand at singles events, I've played the bars and as much as I might WANT to I have avoided creeping up my gym. I mean, I would like to think my desires are reasonable; a black woman with no kids (I want mine and hers to be out respective first), match my commitment to fitness and willingness to work into my financial goals for the future as a teammate. I don't know that if this is exactly your wheelhouse but I'm running out of ideas. Please help."      Well shit, we just all gas and no brakes this week, huh? Homie left me his phone number in the signature line of his...

       I've been away from y'all, but y'all have not been off my mind or out of my inbox. Just for the record, y'know... So at the beginning of March, I get an email in the Moe Phillips box with a request that kind of made my pressure go up a bit... "Moe,     My name is Belvin and I come to you with a quandary... I have two female friends from college, my wife knows them well and they're both involved with their own guys. They're planning a trip to a cabin the first weekend of spring and have asked me along. I naturally declined, as we have small children in my house and I didn't want to be a fifth wheel. Their explanation was that they wanted to spend the whole trip without having to exit the cabin except on foot, but none of them can cook well enough to make this work and that is where I come in, even offering to let me bring another friend from school to occupy me if the 'fifth wheel' thing was a concern. They FURTHER explained that I wou...

     I don’t forget shit… Let me rephrase that, I do forget a great many things, but I don’t forget things that matter a great deal to me.      In August, I told y’all about a job I had taken on helping a dude finally decide whether or not he should go through with marrying his girlfriend.  The work in said story was foiled by one of my mans named Marlon who basically, figuratively and literally fucked my money. [ Link , catch up and come back, you will need it if you do not remember]      Anyway, I am not as mad at Marl as I probably should be for how it went down because – as he so succinctly put it – her ass was absolutely stunning.  Besides, we been friends since middle school and I guess I should have known that he would probably fuck the girl first chance he got. Anyway…      Three weeks ago, Marlon calls me with a quandary… Marlon: “Phlip!” Me: “Whatup Marls?” Marl...

The year was 1994, you were in high school... Your HS crush was someone you saw every day, spoke to every time you saw her, held doors and did cutesy little things for.  You thought nothing of it, but you did it.  When you secured transportation arrangements, she hit you with the “I’ll think about it,” or the “I don’t know, I be busy” or worst yet, the “well I have a boyfriend that goes to [another school]” fib… That’s right, she curved you. It is now February of 2017… She had a baby by that ‘boyfriend that goes to [another school]’ soon after high school and life has been WILD difficult, like so difficult that she gave that loser and two more after him a chance.  Now Valentime’s is approaching and she is single.  Attractive, but single and miserable for it.  By some stroke of luck, you happen to be between relationships at the moment as well and had no real plans for the 14 th and take up the task of responding to her lamentations on social...