Showing posts from April, 2023

True Story©… The Ticket

  Man, it has been a wild couple of weeks here… Month before last, I bought a lottery ticket and it has been sitting under my keyboard unchecked since the day I took it out of my wallet. Week before last, I was cleaning my desk of extraneous receipts and old mail items and happened upon it.   “Lemme scan this shit” I thought as I opened the lottery app on my phone to do so. So… I called in sick for only the third time in 16 years working here.   One time Ava was sick and the second time I had been rushed to the hospital FROM MY DESK the previous day. I have retained a lawyer and an accountant for the tasks of protecting myself and making sure these ladies in my life are taken care of (trusts for the girls, etc…). Next Friday is my last day employed, like ever.   I worked a notice because I actually like my manager and she deserves at least my professionalism. I have begun arrangements to purchase the land of the home we will be living in, while also beginning the process o

True Story©… The Legend of Moe

       The past was a wild time…   There were people called town criers who would go to the city square and scream the news to everyone who would listen because without child labor laws, it was perfectly normal for people to not know how to read or write. Things being full circle as they are, nowadays people glue themselves to social media and while perhaps they CAN read or write, they choose instead some asshole yelling at a screen on TikTok or Youtube.   The person who won’t read is no better off in this aspect than the person who can’t read.      Anyway, the town crier… Wait!   Y’know, as I have discussed before, I get a LOT of off time at work.   Due to some to-be-sorted health issues I have mostly been playing my off time close to the vest, limiting my Mental Health™ days and instead using that time for date-to-be-determined doctor’s visits and such.   There comes a time, however, that I will have to use the time or lose it so I have to play this delicate game of saving as

True Story©… Church of the Modern Day Goon Hand

       This is not a story about a church. This is not even a story about anything remotely religious.      Today, we will discuss the dangers of not minding one’s own business to the point of bringing violence upon one’s self.      Everyone has a breaking point, this is a fact that cannot be disputed.   There are, naturally, differences in how people react when they have been driven to that point of course.   Some people shell up and go silent, some people go to their safe space and cry their eyes out and others still will put hands on a motherfucker.   Today, we’re here to talk about that last one.      First, we need to discuss a moment from my early childhood…   The year is 1986…   Or perhaps 87…   Fuck, I don’t remember which.   I just know it was summer during my elementary years.   My pops was a brick mason and would sometimes travel with his boss for jobs.   This particular time it was to Virginia Beach and because it was summer, he took my brother and I with him. Rathe

True Story©... Don't Stop Bereavin'

       So we’re sitting in the living room eating dinner and watching Jeopardy when the alarm panel and both of our phones chime with the doorbell.  I get up expecting to tell the kids across the street that my daughter is with her mother this week.  It is a white man… “Are you lost?  How can I help you?” I ask through the slightly parted screen door. He hands me a manila envelope and says “you’ve been served” before walking down off of my front porch as I stood aghast.      Wife person looking on asks me what is going on.  I sit back down on the loveseat and open the folder. Me: “We’re being sued…” Wife Person™: “What!?”   Me: “Not you.” Wife Person™: “What the hell are you talking about?”   Me: “Me and Moe.”   …  well I’mma explain this shit to y’all now, same as I am to my wife…      Of late, I have been trying to reform Moe Phillips’ public image.  After spending time with my therapist and learning better coping mechanisms than to drink myself to sleep, I re

Writing About Writing Vol. 17

      Before I get started, I will say that I absolutely stuck with the established-for-the-topic image on this post… Okay, let’s boogie.      For the past several years, I have led True Story©… off with an image loosely related to the story, usually related to the very topic of the tale itself but sometimes to the punchline of the story when I was feeling particularly funny.      For the month of March – well, for the three out of five stories in March I made after this was presented to me – I started to employ AI image generators to make those images.  For the YEARS prior, I would simply Google search terms somehow related to the story, then I would scroll and sift through the image search results and simply steal and use whichever one humorously partnered with my story of that week. … and I prayed that the rightful owners of the images never said anything.  Thus far they have not.      The topic today is “stick and move,” as I have now had several weeks of ingress as it r