The musings of a madman...

  I am no longer allowed to enter the hardware store nearest my house… “Why?” you ask? Well it has a great deal to do with the fact that my idle hands are often, in fact, the devil’s playground.  We will make that sentence make sense in a little while, but first we gotta explain that I get A LOT of time off of work every year and I have to use it or lose it.  We’ve discussed this and what I often do with that time before.  What is only apparent to people who are connected to me either very personally or on FaceBook is that every summer I take what I have come to call “birthcation,” wherein I do not work my full time job at all on the week of my birthday. July 1rd was my 45st birthday ($callmephlip if you’re still feeling residually gifty, I celebrate all month) and I was naturally scheduled off of work-work the whole week.  Rather than spend big money GOING anywhere, I used the time to relax and work on some household projects in between my random acts o...

       Ever told a joke so good that they wanted you to come down to HR and tell it?      Have I ever told y’all how much I hate smalltalk?      Is ANYONE wondering where the hell I have been for the last two weeks? No, Stephanie did not follow me home and accost me on my front lawn and cause me to assault her or otherwise not be able to leave the house.      The answer is actually a bit more entertaining.   With everything else happening in my life these days (more on that later – WAY later) , I’ve not spent my normal time out having adventures like I normally do.   At least not the kind that cost me much money. I did , however, indulge myself in my normal paid time off for the most of two weeks as I always do in the summer.   Rather than go off and spend money I will need later, I did that thing I mentioned some months ago where I get a job I don’t intend to keep.   ...

       Thursday of last week was my birthday… I say that to say that I was off celebrating.      Next week is my daughter’s birthday.   For the first time in her whole life, she will not be with me on her birthday.   She will be with my ex wife a woman I had a wedding with once.   I say that to say that we are celebrating this week/end instead.      Wife person came up with the idea that we jump over to Sweet Valley Ranch in Fayetteville for the dinosaur thing today, I can report back on my findings when we’ve done it.      The point of this story is yesterday though… We had to clear the front room of the house before we left to prepare it for some contractors to come through and do their thing on our floors, then take the dogs to the sitter’s place, then grab one more niece and hit the road.   Only a 90ish minute trip to the destination and there we are. This is where the...

(yes, y'all have seen this image before)      Don’t call me.   Don’t call me unless someone is dead or fucking bleeding on the way to the upper room. My first several years of reasonably-compensated non-retail employment involved being tethered to a phone and I have learned to hate that shit now, even when that phone is my wireless for most other communication than texts.      June 18 th , day 23 of furlough, my phone rings.   I ignore it from across the room while I play GRID on the PlayStation. …   it rings again.   I holler to my wife in her office in the back “what the FUCK, are you calling me!?”   She is either asleep or ignores me. … it. rings. again.   What the HELL?!!?   I say as I pause the game and head over to the desk to take it off the charger.   It is a weird number, I Google and learn that it is from one of those weird Eastern European countries, like Moldova or Romania or Slavobi...