The musings of a madman...

       So we’re sitting in the living room eating dinner and watching Jeopardy when the alarm panel and both of our phones chime with the doorbell.  I get up expecting to tell the kids across the street that my daughter is with her mother this week.  It is a white man… “Are you lost?  How can I help you?” I ask through the slightly parted screen door. He hands me a manila envelope and says “you’ve been served” before walking down off of my front porch as I stood aghast.      Wife person looking on asks me what is going on.  I sit back down on the loveseat and open the folder. Me: “We’re being sued…” Wife Person™: “What!?”   Me: “Not you.” Wife Person™: “What the hell are you talking about?”   Me: “Me and Moe.”   …  well I’mma explain this shit to y’all now, same as I am to my wife…      Of late, I have been trying to reform Moe Phillips’ public image.  After spending time with my therapist and learning better coping mechanisms than to drink myself to sleep, I re

  "If you got soft eyes, you can see the whole thing. If you got hard eyes - you staring at the same tree missing the forest." ~ Bunk Moreland “Soft eyes” is most simply defined as “attentive to detail.” Over my little hiatus I fell into the world of Podcasts, with my favorite genre being “historical humans behaving badly.”  I have some suggestions if you ask me, but we aren’t here for that kind of an aside today. A commonality of the above-mentioned “historical humans behaving badly” is how far the grift would NOT have gone if the scammER wasn’t banking on the scamEE not catching on to the fact that they were indeed being scammed with a simple question or two. “Well shiiiiit, this could WORK!” That’s right…  If you’ve learned nothing from the last several years of my writing, one could consider me a bit of a grifter myself. Lest you thought I bought a new (to us) house and just sat around working from home and paying bills and shit, you’re assuredly mistaken. I ha

       If I could use these powers for good, I am not all the way sure I ever actually would… Wait, put a pin in that.   It will come back up on the final exam.        My city has spent the last few years basically criminalizing homelessness.   The able cannot feed them of their own free will unless they have an organization or church allowed to do so.   They themselves cannot have signs specifically requesting money when standing on the corners and the most insidious is that they have to go downtown and get a PERMIT to stand on the corners with the signs! More recently, there have been signs going up on signs in medians that there is to be no standing there.   This was presented as a necessity to keep traffic safely and unobstructedly moving.      In that last point, I saw an opportunity… The “opportunity,” as it were, involved a newly minted lack of competition for eyeball equity on the corners where drivers become a captive audience. WHAT?!!? Thank you for asking.  

       I have been contiguously employed since a week after my 16 th birthday and can count on one hand the number of times I have called in sick. I lost a whole-ass week of work (and True Story©) last week due to a damned misunderstanding behind my apparent myriad of side hustles and get-money schemes. Wait…      Y’all remember a few months ago when I tried to collect manholes and get the money for recycling?   If not, go read and come back. [ link ] Welcome back…      Now that we have established that it is absolutely NOT beneath me to employ crackhead labor to save a few bucks and/or maintain my own convenience in a situation, we can talk about what I have been up to.   This all started back when my stimmy checks finally started to hit (I was late AF filing my taxes) .   Following a surprise two-week hospital stay three years ago this past Monday, I was not in physical shape to continue to maintain my own lawn.   Coinciding with the fact that my own mower had just died, i