True Story©… I’ve Been Located!

 

Somehow I knew this day would come…

     After years of supervillainous behavior, the tortures, the driving people literally insane, the competitions…  I fuckin’ KNEW this day was coming.

     The picture you see above is from my front porch.  It was there when I got home from the gym yesterday morning.  For those who had been unaware of what one actually looks like, that is the shell of a cicada.
For those of you have been paying attention through the last little while, you know I am a fan of using cicadas for my own personal gain.
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Look, I have watched enough crime/espionage shows to spot a tail and make sure I am not being followed or tracked, but I am concerned right now that someone has smoked me out and learned my identity and used the cicada shell to indirectly let me know they’re onto me.

     This really is my own fault.  I didn’t spend enough time sharpening my M.O. before employing the cicadas.  I am sure I have allowed myself to be photographed and/or videoed while carrying out the whole thing.  With photographic/video evidence, someone has used the internet or government facial recognition gleaned from the Covid-19 vaccine tracking chip to find my home and let me know they see me.

     WAIT!!!
What if it is someone I know who sold me out?  I can’t imagine my shenanigous behavior through the years will have gone well with those around me through the years.  I can only imagine the stress of knowing a real-life supervillain personally, but having to remain quiet about what you know the whole time.  Maybe someone with the pictures or video of me reached out and leaned on someone who I thought was close to me.  Now I need to scrutinize my inner circle and may even have to execute someone I thought I loved.

     People might try to tell me “you live in NC and it is cicada season, the shell probably blew onto your porch from the woods across the street, chill out.” and I would respond “THAT is what someone would say if they knew someone was trying to threaten me!” and we might both be right.
I can’t take any chances though.  From now on, I am FULLY scrutinizing those I thought were closest to me.  I can’t take any chances on being outed and perhaps even taken to some dark site in an unpronounceable eastern European country…

     …  or I could chill the fuck out.

     …  naaaah.  Y’all are ALL on notice from now on!