Ashton Kutcher Music

Yes, this is directly a play on the title of Rick Ross' song Aston Martin Music.

Allow me first to apologize... A couple of different "car trouble moments," one of them conspiring towards me meeting my maker but deftly avoided, have had me in position to listen to something other than Sean Price in my own car on the way to and from wherever I should so happen to be headed.
That said, I am noticing a pattern (which has likely been in play on “urban” radio for years, but damned if I would know it)… Every third song must include one (or any combination) of either Trey Songz, Drake, Nikki Minaj and/or Rick Ross. Lil Wayne used to employ one of these spots, but a stretch in the pokey downgraded him to once in 5 songs.
The constant, here, though is that I STILL feel like we’re being punk’d.

[Phlip note – see, when have I EVER gotten to my point that fast?]

I can’t find it in myself to believe a damned word that ANY of these motherfuckers utters. Ross taught us that he was a liar once and instead of copping to it, lied harder. Drake… Ugh, never damned mind... I just won't be sold that a dude with an acting career on a teen soap opera drama as the "next big thing" in rap, or that he is NEAR what he pretends to be. Motherfucker goes home and has hot buttered scones with warm Earl Grey tea and wouldn't dream of getting NEAR a groupie, that "I like my chicks in twos" and moscato talk is for the cameras...
And Nikki? If I am to believe her, her mannerisms and her vocal inflections, she is a fucking retard.
I cannot help but concede that she actually CAN rhyme her ass off – whether or not she is actually writing her own work. No shots, but we all know what we know about female rappers and their often dependence on their male counterparts for assistance with things that don’t involve sucking dack and making babies. Hell, sometimes even only the “making babies” part of even that.

[Phlip note – shots fucking fired, sue me]

A part of me dies on the inside whenever I hear this shit, I SERIOUSLY find myself thinking “damn, are you serious?” when hearing this nonsense. There was a time where I knew that there were people who were making better music than this shit, but nowadays I am convinced that they just don’t damned exist.
No, not when an otherwise talented pedophile R. Kelly can put on a performance of an otherwise annoyingly dumb song of his own. Then I wind up having to delete half of the active females I have as friends on Facebook who can only use the performance as a statement that he is better than Trey Songz – again, not that such a thing isn’t obvious. Also, that ain’t saying much either.

So here I find myself, all the while, PRAYING that one day the music stops abruptly and someone yells “you’ve been punked!” and this nightmare comes to an end.

I’m not holding my breath.


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