"Did anyone ever tell you..."

"... that you look like..."

That is the start of a line of conversation that I have come to fucking DETEST. I have come to hate it so much that I usually begin the teeth-gritting at about the point where they get to "did anyone..." because I KNOW what comes next. What's funnier is that it is usually people of the pink persuasion who make such statements... It wouldn't be so bad, though, if they were EVER fucking right about it.

Every damned day -- today included -- the statement goes "he kinda looks like you" or something of the sort. Today in particular, for example... I was leaving the office for a moment to go make water when one of my coworkers looks up from the paper, the front page of which sitting on his desk and displaying an image of a recently-arrested individual here in the county in which I work:

(story here, images copyrighted and cannot be shared for some reason)

"Dude, he looks nothing like me..."
"Well sure he does, put some glasses on him and [yaddayaddayadda]..."

I invested nothing more in this conversation, I went ahead on my path to go piss, but while I was in the bathroom, it hit me just how frequently someone comes at me with some bass-ackwards "OMG, I saw this guy who looked like you on TV/the internets/the grocery store/robbing an old lady... I mean, not really JUST like you, but he was a black guy and I think he kinda like had dreadlocks, but he TOTALLY looked like you!" kind of statement.
I have a twin brother... We look NOTHING alike, yet all our life, we have had to listen to people opining or creating elements that somehow make us similar. The fact remains and always has remained that we do not and will not look alike and any attempts to make it anything other is both stupid and in vain. Strangely, though, we DO have an older sister, who I do favor somewhat, see:

... but you couldn't pay these silly motherfuckers to see that.

Apparently all black males look alike and that is why we all fit the descriptions of someone of interest in some random case, which is probable cause to stop any one of us whenever we're behind the wheel.
It becomes quite simple when the subject is a darkish-light complexion with shortish-long hair and is between 4'9" and 7'4" in height.
I was talking to Preston a couple months ago and we were talking about being witnesses to a crime and having to describe someone to the police composite sketch person... We reached a conclusion...

Sure, it's some ol bullshit that every motherfucker has to approach me with an "dude, you TOTALLY look like ..." comment, but I can't honestly say that I could describe another black dude in a manner that wouldn't get the whole east side of Greensboro arrested.


Wayne Edwards said…
dude you totally look like a black guy, no kidding.

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