True Story©... Thirst Becomes Him

 

    I've had a slow week, mostly…
I mean, life has been busy kicking my ass, but that is for another time. I've had time to work, clean house and cut the yards I'm paid to cut, but my in-between time has been entertaining myself scrolling on YouTube and Bookface.

    One source of ENDLESS entertainment on Teh Book of Faces is the local groups and the absolute fuck shit that transpires there. The other day was no different, see below...

... when I see a post like this, I go and view the person's profile before even entertaining the best part about the post -- the COMMENTS section. Once on the profile, I noticed it had recently been updated to "in a relationship" but with no mention of who with, so NOW I went back to the post and the comments.

    Internet sleuths were not about to let this man eat the way he thought he would and called him out on it. Men ridiculed him for having to buy his way to a throuple, women ridiculed him for his poorly veiled hail Mary in buying his way into a throuple and an all around good time was had. His only response, of course, was to call everyone "broke ass haters" and to claim they don't understand and should remain quiet if they don't have anything good to say.

    Me? I didn't comment... Instead, I went back and undeleted the profile I'd stolen for The Treasure Hunt and re-edited it to appear to be an attractive lady, then I commented and DM'd him that "she" was with it.
He was immediately receptive to the only affirmative response to his fool proof offer, responding "see y'all done missed out on something good" before carrying the conversation private.

    Getting an address out of him was TOO simple, I will never understand how someone can so easily trust strangers on the internet with the location to their home before even exchanging phone numbers.

[Phlip note: not that he WOULDN'T have gotten the Moe Phillips burner phone forwarding network number]

    I never planned to actually GO to this man's house. Instead, I went over to the hood to speak with some old less-than-savory neighbors and put them on a business opportunity.

Homie: "look, last time we only got to keep $600 and you went with two stacks"

He was talking about the diner robbery.

Me: "that two stacks was MY money I paid into that endeavor, I needed that back so my Wife Person™ wouldn't kill me and bury me under a single wide trailer behind a middle school"

Homie: "n**ga WHAT!?"

Me: "nevermind that, this one is all yours. I don't even want a finders fee"

    I went on to explain to him what the lick was and how I would SUGGEST carrying it out. I made it abundantly clear is that I was simply a deliverer of intelligence here and that it was all on him to do with said information what he will. In other words, if Detective Ramsbottom shows up at my place, I don't fuckin know you.

Homie: "say less, we got this"

    And "got this" they certainly did. One could say that he clearly understood the assignment. With three of his cousins, he waited til just around sunset, when one might expect that people in a home are eating dinner or perhaps even expecting DoorDash to be bringing it. He has one of them approach the door and signal if there was more than just a Ring camera visible. That person rings the bell, the obstructs the view of the camera. When our thirstful victim gets to the door, the rest of the crew has bull rushed the door and he has a Glock to his head before he can realize he is also being tied up.

    The mark's original girlfriend comes down to the commotion and is duly included in the party. They both get tied to chairs and the homies then ransack the house for whatever they desire to make off with.

    When they leave, they leave the victims tied up so as to deter being identified, but as a calling card, they left The Wonderpets playing on the TV on the way out.

Homie: "why the fuck THAT stupid-ass show?"

Me: "just a little inside thing I like to do"

While this is all transpiring, I was hard at work deleting comments on his post and RE-deactivated my catfishing profile.

    It seems that as soon as he DID get untied, he was right back to the comments section about "haters setting me up" and vowing to find them.
I truly hope that this guy finds his real polyamorous dream of a second lover one day, but on this day all I got to offer was a tough lesson in taking up thirst traps.