Maybe I am different or something?

The number of people I contact on the daily from different regions of the country/world is enormous. What kills me, though, is the rules to this language we speak that seem to be lost even on people who have grown up speaking/typing/writing it.
It really is sad.

Say it with me, people.

"Conversate" is NOT a word... ANY time you feel so inclined as to use it when speaking, STOP without including that "-ate" suffix and no one in the room worth their salt will look at you like a retard.

"Irregardless," is ALSO not a word... Omit the "-ir" prefix and you've successfully avoided the use or a word that renders itself a double negative.

"Then" - this word is to indicate that something took place at a particular place in time, either to describe something that has happened ("back then") or immediately/soon following ("she swung on me, and then I punched her ass out").

"Than" - "as opposed to," or however you would like to define that. "instead of," "in lieu of." The possibilities are endless. Another variation, though, is to use as "in relation/comparison to."

... in no way in the hell should the previous two words be used as interchangeable.

"Pacific" is a body of water. Hell, it happens to be the largest such on the planet. What it is NOT is the adjective you would select to present when trying to describe the singular applicability of anything you're talking about... For that, see "SPECIFIC."

"Apostrophes" (these guys: ') are to denote possession and nothing more. In most cases, these would be followed by a lower case "s," with the exception being if appended to a word ending in the SOUND of that s (or z), at which point our little buddy the apostrophe will be okay hanging out all on his lonesome.
Acceptable uses include when one is to denote omissions, be it in a number (1995 would become '95) or depiction of spoken slang ('Round About Midnight).
Also, there are FEW times where use of an apostrophe to pluralize is necessary or terribly allowed... For instance, when needing to pluralize a SINGLE letter ("how many A's were on your report card?") and -- while not NECESSARY -- pluralizing numbers ("The 1990's").
Our pal the Apostrophe is making big waves in the names of children born to 16 year-old ghetto-assed mothers too, but that is not what this blog is about.
I would go in on other punctuation, but I think I will save that for another blog later, as that would run quite long and no one on the internet has an attention span anymore.

"Jewelry" is a 3 syllable word ("joo-uhl-ree"), and I can understand if regional differences in rate of speech cause one to lose ONE of those syllables, but that is ONLY acceptable if that "L" remains intact.

"February" does not have a silent "R" in it. Never has, never will. In fact, it is a word that is spelled phonetically, which means you can simply sound the sumbitch out and you'd be fine ("feb-ru-airy").

"Library" is where I still owe for a book I checked out when it was still on Greene St. downtown. Don't listen to the uncouth of the world and their speak of the "lie-berry," since that place does not exist.

I could frankly do this all day, but I am largely sure that it would be missed on the majority of those who might come across it. Seriously, though, forming clear and properly-formed thoughts in print and in speech are how MANY people we come across on the daily glean their first impressions of us. We all know you never get a second chance, so why NOT make a concerted effort to make sure that said impression is not "damn, this motherfucker is retarded."?

After all, I'm just saying!

See you folks on the other side.


Wayne Edwards said…
but what if I want to be a little ghetto, can I then use conversate. As it's just slang that makes my seem real intelligible to simpletons who cannot fathom it's not a word. And boo on you for not advising what an interchangable word is? lol
Phlip said…
You mean the part where I say:

"ANY time you feel so inclined as to use it when speaking, STOP without including that "-ate" suffix and no one in the room worth their salt will look at you like a retard."

In other words, "converse" is the word you're looking for.
Wayne Edwards said…
yeah like the shoes, but conversate is funny. I like when people look at me like a retard.
Tony Grands said…

Get 'em!

(Pun intended)

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