You, HEY YOU!!! Yes, I'm talking to you!

What the fuck is it with you people and the word "swagger"?

I am pretty sure that the word was about something else -- Sherman Helmsley's walk on "The Jeffersons" comes to mind immediately -- but somehow it has become some shit about dudes peacocking around in hopes of being "hated on" by other dudes. Let us not forget that is also a name shared with a terrible smelling deodorant by Old Spice, a company that normally does better than that shit.

Of course, in the same vein, we are bludgeoned into thoughts of "Swagga Like Us," where the supposed best rapper on the track is outdone by everyone else on it not including the 'non rapper' of the quintet (5 people if you count the M.I.A. sample, the clear star of the show). What's worse is that one of them did it with AutoTune, but why go there?
You know what else? This "swag" shit is the tie that binds the rappers that actually (or "purportedly," dependent upon who you listen to tell it) to Soulja Boy, who feels the need to inform you how much "swag" he has by reminding you that he apparently has a switch next to his bed with which he turns his on whenever he hops out of the bed and says "whassup" like:

(I am to understand that Soulja Boy also enjoys camping trips to Brokeback Mountain)

Have I turned you off of this shit yet? Is "swag" not the zestiest word in hip hop these days? I mean, I could go in further...

Yes, when I am in a car other than my own, I am often captive audience to commercial radio and songs that I NEVER have heard from my own stereo...
Example: "Swag Surfin" by some young confrused brown children calling themselves Fast Life Yungstaz. They need to explain to us in this song how they're drunk, high, wear Polo, carry a Versace bag (zesty much?) and in such have so much of this "swag" that they surf on it. Scratching further beneath the surface, and as mentioned once or twice in this song, one or all of these individuals refers to himself as "Mr. Lenox," the song features Young Dro (who, by the way speaks with an inexplicable lisp). Anyone who is from, lives in or has lived in Atlanta in the last, say, 5-10 years knows a dark secret about Lenox Square, and that is of "shift change," where sometime in the late afternoon to mid evening, zestiphobia should drive one to immediately exit the premises, because that is when the tight jeans/sheer shirt and sashaying fashion show is scheduled to begin.

Hey, remember back when I was talking about that song at the beginning of this post? Yeah, the guy who said his "swagga was on a hundred thousand trillion" as a lame attempt to fill out a line to rhyme with the word "building"?

Yeah, apparently the zesty practices of having this "swagger" was not missed on him and his friends. He even helped his cause by releasing an utterly horrible album that would have better been named "EMO Abortions and Autotune" than "808's and Heartbreak," but that is my opinion.
I hear the guy likes fishsticks too.

Exhibit number next would be the Yung L.A. song "Futuristic Love," featuring Ricco Barrino (who?) who sings on the chorus some shit about "stupid fruity swag," which CAN'T be anything good if taken at face value.
... no further explanation needed.

Not only, as described above, can "swagger" be a liability when looking at societal norms and acceptable behaviors, but it can be a liability in the real world.
Remember when Soulja Boy used to do those "I got money and you don't" vids in his living room, only to be followed home, robbed, humiliated and possibly buttfucked, then the robbers posting THEIR vids on YouTube?
Yeah, well remember when one of T.I.'s homeboys got shot after a fight at a club?
Yeah, well remember when that rapper Briscoe (who?) got robbed, humiliated and allegedly pistol whipped/raped in a barbershop last week? Or something like that, I don't keep up with these things in full detail and I don't get haircuts, so I don't hang around barber shops.
Yeah, well remember back when NBA player Paul Pierce was claiming affiliations with the Bloods Street Gang, and was all up in the skrip club in Boston? Yep, he got stabbed 11 fucking times and rushed to a hospital. Let us not fail mention that I am to understand that there is footage of him yelling along to New Kids on the Block's "Hangin' Tough," either.

Now tell me this "swag" shit ain't a liability.

For reasons none other than our own collective zestiphobia, or at the VERY least the fear for your safety, we should boycott the word "swagger." Never mind that the word in (over)use, perceived meaning and application is pretty much abused to the point of just being fucking lame. It seems that these days that "swagger" is appended to people who think they can rap but can't and usually have on tight jeans. "Zesty" has apparently become the new "hardcore," and that is surely not a good look.
Join me in the boycott if you want, or don't.


Kousen Tora said…
I will become the second to join The Cause and I will forever boycott the word.

No I will not speak that word here and replace it with zesty.

And this should be posted EVERYWHERE!!
Wayne Edwards said…
I saw a picture of soulja boy lifting his shirt and a hard penis in some shorts, and a picture of the muppets guest starring kanye west and neglected to read anything in between before getting ready to hit the back button before I crossed the limit into gay land lol.
Phlip said…
That should be all the fuel you need to NOT use the word "swagger," Wayne.
Tony Grands said…
[PAUSE] to that GD'd Soulja Boy pic. I saw it on MTO, & a) was ashamed of myself & b) died a little inside. When it came up on the screen, that same rush of adult embarassment returned, & my reading pace intensified as I told myself I didn't see it.


Nah, swag is a wack word, indeed, but sometimes it has to be used. Those moments when it fits so perfect, & in haste one just juts it out there, without even thinking. It's happened to me, but now, I warn folks first with a snarky *ahem* or sarcastic "ummm".

Like, swag-pellant.

Good times yet again, friendo.

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