True Story©... Cracking the Code

    I have an odd relationship with TV. We own six and there are shows I enjoy a lot, but the one in the garage exist more as a PC monitor than television, and I still somehow manage to fall asleep on the couch even while watching the shows I DO enjoy.

    Despite this, two things remain true...
1 - since I have rediscovered my writing as an adult, I've wanted to write for a television show.
and 2 - I've always wanted to be on a game show. I've taken the jeopardy quiz twice but that shit is CONSIDERABLY harder than barking answers at the television every night at 7:30pm Eastern Standard Time.

    In a semi-response to #1 above, I shared the contact information of a production executive in the industry back in 2020 when I was furloughed from work for six weeks. I was inexplicably allowed access to throw my ideas at him without being hung up upon, blocked or sent a cease and desist. One might say down through the years that I am entertaining him.
Well last week I had another one of those ideas! It was time to make a phone call...

Exec: "Good afternoon, Phillip"

[Phlip note: our interactions started BEFORE I started using Moe Phillips as my public persona... This man has my real phone number and email]

Me: "I got an idea!"

Exec: "it better not be about selling crack again"

Me: "no, not this time"

Exec: "thank heavens, because--..."

Me: "but it *is* a game show again"

Exec: "Oh shit."

Me: "Don't worry, no one has to break the law this time"

Exec: "let's hear it"

Me: "How familiar are you with sex doll--... err, companion doll technology?"

Exec: "I've been married since 2014"

Me: "Congratulations, but I will take that as a 'not much' then?"

Exec: "Correct"

Me "Fine, me either... Well the point of this is a hidden-camera game show, right. It is staffed with AI-powered humanoid robots programmed to complete the task of taking and filling restaurant orders."

Exec: "I thought you said game show"

Me: "Let me finish. All of these robots will be the best of the best, human features to the highest standard of quality and beauty. Contestants will come in expecting a meal and they'll get it, but they will also NATURALLY be compelled to hit on the wait staff, a-la Hooters or Twin Peaks."

Exec: "Mmhmm"

Me: "And this is where the AI comes in."

Exec: "Huh?"

Me: "Firmware on the robots will require a constant internet connection. Using Al Gore's Rhythm--..."

Exec: "Al Gore's Rhythm?"

Me: "Stick with me here... Using Al Gore's Rhythm, the robots will be constantly learning with language models to rebuff the patrons' advances with a SUPREMELY high level of effectiveness, in ANY language no less!"

Exec: "Heh. A rigged game."

Me: "Well... yeah, but we can't have it being too easy. It'll create a week to week 'will someone get through?' element to keep people tuning in.  As with every rigged game, some hapless bastard will eventually figure it out."

Exec: "So what's the prize?"

Me: "You know how much them damn robots COST!?"

Exec: "Per your first question and my response; no I do not."

Me: "Well a premium one with easily cleaned orifices is about 8 grand. I'd bet that one with AI and learning capabilities to the level of sentience is about the cost of a Mercedes."

Exec: "Again, what is the prize"

Me: "I'm just concerned with what happens if shit goes sideways, like the movie M3gan or that one episode of The Blacklist and they just start yeeting the patrons and shit.  I still haven't forgiven Megan for what she did to that dog Dewey."

Exec: "THE PRIZE!!!"

Me: "Oh, if ever a patron defeats the algorithm and talks his way into that robot's drawz, then she is his to keep.

Exec: "Wow!"

Me: "Wow indeed! There'd be bells and sirens and air horns and shit. No one on the show would KNOW they were on a game show until someone won."

Exec: "Can I ask you something?"

Me: "Sure!"

Exec: "How's your sobriety? Like, I know you used to partake heavily in the past, but where are you these days?"

Me: "Sober as a judge for over two years; my physical, mental and financial health are depending upon it. Why do you ask?"

Exec: "Because what the fuck is wrong with you? Who comes up with this kind of shit?"

Me: "So that's a 'no' I presume?"

Exec: "It's a hell no. But these conversations are fun, keep em coming."

[Phlip note: I KNEW IT!!!]

    Ehh well... Back to the ol drawing board. I swear I'mma get on TV one day, and dammit it WON'T be Tubi!