The musings of a madman...

       Complicit innocence…  Or innocent complicity. Whatever, it’ll all make sense in a few minutes.        One of the things that keeps my marriage successful is the understanding that I WILL do stupid shit while in character as Moe Phillips, but at no point will I ever actually run afoul of my vows.  Also, it will ALWAYS be entertaining and will sometimes even be funny, even if only to me.  Sometimes the schemes will even scare up a few coins for us to spend on new sneakers or vacation or something else we enjoy.        All that said, I signed up for some dating sites as Moe last month.  Heavily filtered and edited images of myself were used, I took off my glasses and removed my beard digitally.  In next to no time the right-swiping commenced and believe it or not, my DM box was slid into.  Surprising, women weren’t this forward 10 years ago. The whole time, Wife Person™ had access to the account so as to be absolutely sure that all the real-life dealings were on the up-an

       It’s rare that I just get to be “me” anymore.   My life is pretty mundane to be honest.   Work, clean, daddy/husband, sobriety…   Rinse/repeat.   I find myself in need of an outlet, sometimes to the point where I seek mischief to entertain myself.   Not unlike a puppy learning to test your limits.      Sometimes the “mischief” finds me.   Sometimes even still, the mischief finds me from prior shit.   We’ll call that the wheel of mischief .      Moe fuckin’ Phillips…   That guy will be the death of me one of these days. I’m minding my business on my couch on lunch three weeks ago and “Moe’s” burner phone rings… [ Phlip note : I dunno WHY the hell I keep that thing ] Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Is this Moe?” Me: “Indeed it is” Caller: “I got your number from a friend of mine who says you have given sage business advice--…” Me: “I wouldn’t call the advice ‘sage’ so much as ‘damn near criminal’ but continue?” Caller: “Well I’m in a bit of a pickle and need--….” Me: “L

       I have recently wasted some valuable time away from work in pursuit of creating a better way. Did y’all miss me?  Did anyone even notice I was gone?      Of late, and as some of you have read, I am having to maintain a promise to dial back the supervillainy a bit.   I can still do my get money shit, I just have to do so in a manner that does not inflict suffering upon people. I will miss the Cicadas thing. So what is the play now? Thanks for asking!      One show I know you have heard of involves a WW2 nurse traveling back in time and falling in love with an 18th-century Jacobite warrior.  I got WAY more into this show than I expected to when my wife sat me down and held my eyes open to make me watch. (live footage) The whole time,  though, I thought to myself “why is this bitch going back to the 1700s from the 1960s with the knowledge of most modern conveniences and ain’t inventing ALL that shit and setting her progeny up to be the world’s first trillionaire dynasty o

       I once said “I’on know who’s big mama need to hear this, but Ginger Ale is just soda.” I was immediately jumped by six nonagenarian grandmothers with canes.   I legit did not learn my lesson about THINKING such things, only about saying them aloud.      So I got to thinking…   How many more of those “remedies” they gave us in the 80s that didn’t actually cure shit, so much as made us just a little bit more comfortable until our honestly-pretty-damned-effective immune systems circled up the wagons and handled business as designed?   The Google search sent me down an internet rabbit hole which I found both intriguing and re-traumtizing, I will talk to my therapist about that part next week…      It also gave me an idea… Remember, back in Soft Eyes , when I explained just how much you could get away with just on the strength of the fact that people don’t pay attention to shit?   Well we’re back on that!      I had to put a plan in action and that plan clearly required some

       Despicable Me debuted in 2010… As I was still yet 361 days from being a father at the time, it was a children’s movie that I was not interested in at the time.   The follow-ups arriving during the maelstrom of elements between 2011 and 2015 that will forever serve as my own supervillain origin story allowed me to manage to miss the whole of the series as it was coming along.   I mean, I knew it existed and was aware of the minions and their gibberish but I was busy having my life ruined.      As I exited the more depressive of my situations as a fully realized superfuckingvillain, I lacked time to go back and do the homework on that wrinkle of the subject.   I thought I had it down.      Thought… With some time on my hands since the Thanksgiving weekend, I made way to watch the Despicable Me series.   In it, I learned that the Minions have existed since the beginning of time and have historically hitched their wagon to the biggest supervillain of any given time. And here

  "If you got soft eyes, you can see the whole thing. If you got hard eyes - you staring at the same tree missing the forest." ~ Bunk Moreland “Soft eyes” is most simply defined as “attentive to detail.” Over my little hiatus I fell into the world of Podcasts, with my favorite genre being “historical humans behaving badly.”  I have some suggestions if you ask me, but we aren’t here for that kind of an aside today. A commonality of the above-mentioned “historical humans behaving badly” is how far the grift would NOT have gone if the scammER wasn’t banking on the scamEE not catching on to the fact that they were indeed being scammed with a simple question or two. “Well shiiiiit, this could WORK!” That’s right…  If you’ve learned nothing from the last several years of my writing, one could consider me a bit of a grifter myself. Lest you thought I bought a new (to us) house and just sat around working from home and paying bills and shit, you’re assuredly mistaken. I ha