The musings of a madman...

  It is time we confront the fact that “they" have been lying to us our entire lives… For the one among us who can actually stomach the stream-of-jackshit that is my Twitter feed saw this unfolding live in my brain this morning: I would say “don’t ask me why I am thinking about the Three Little Pigs at 11am on a Sunday morning, but I will voluntarily offer that I went to a children’s play of Little Red Riding Hood on Saturday and the idea of the pigs kinda sat in my brain from about 3pm on. It really is the curse of a creative mind. Anyway, I continued to stew on this even as I did my normal Saturday evening routine of “not much” and came to the above conclusion knowing what we know about pigs and wolves. I say “we” because I know it and now you’re about to as well… Let us begin with some simple facts, here Pigs are genetically superior to wolves… Their outcome in the wild bears this out.  We tend to think of pigs as the clumsy and cutesy little fat guys y’all (not me; I

  Okay, so Christmas is in a couple of days here… WHILE we’re bawls deep in Christmas season and selectively filled with Christmas spirit in our second pandemic Christmas, life has to continue moving along as well. In the course of “life moving along,” I find myself in Wal Mart more than any sane human being should ever comfortably be tasked with going to.   One of the benefits of my move is that I am no longer three blocks from a Neighborhood Market and now live less than a mile from a Supercenter. So Monday afternoon on my lunch break, I ran down to grab a few things.   My trip, as far as my own items, was largely uneventful, but as I was leaving self-checkout on the way to the truck, I heard some kind of ruckus coming from the Customer Service Desk and decided to be nosey. Lady Customer: “What do you mean you don’t know!?” CSR: “I mean, I can’t check the stock from up here, you’ll have to ask in Electronics.” Lady Customer: “Well can’t you, like, CALL them for me?” CSR:

       Imagine being a creative being who spends an exorbitant amount of time in your own way while trying to create…      For those keeping score at home, back in 2017 I attempted to make a movie.   I was wrong as shit, using little people labor and never explaining to them what it was I was up to in the moment.   In my own bit of karmic comeuppance, I saw the whole thing literally go up in smoke and almost cost me my whole damned shirt in the process… …   almost… Small (pun totally intended) details in the background saved my ass legally and civilly.      But in the real-real world, I was still found.   Three years ago next week, I was located by one of the involved little parties and accosted for ideas for an “out.”   Just my fucking luck, I know. I cooked up a quick scheme to get him out of his (and my) own way and all is well, right? RIGHT?!!?      Wrong™!        I.ve often joked about the FBI agent across the street from my house in the woods.   I no longer live a

       Welcome back…   We present all new from a new address that a couple of you have visited and gotten fitshaced drunk with me.   The other 5 weeks of my residence have been spent re-learning this as “home” and working to pay the bills in this place.      We closed on 10/20 and 10/22 (dateS plural, you know only if you’re connected to both me and wife person on the BookFace) . In the weeks since, I have been painting, heavy lifting, shutting the fuck up working hard at being the best daddy I can be to Ava in spite of the efforts of my ex wife a woman I had a wedding with one time.      What also transpired in these intervening weeks was our anniversary (11/09) and the now-biannual Thanksgiving beach trip,   I might explain that the Biannual trip used to not have a prefix, but I didn’t have a married-into family who was alive and active until I married an actual wife in 2018.      For the past few years, we lived in a house I’d bought in 2009…   It was the only home that my d

  used with permission ( link 1 ) ( link 2 ) I ain’t e’em WANT to sell my house…      Four weeks before this was all in motion, we took the girls to the Tanglewood Festival of Lights.   If you don’t know, going there usually means you will be in your car for 3-5 hours, and this time was more on the five side of things.   With children in the car, my phone was not to be the one that sourced the music for the ride.   Instead, we listened to a Christmas album. I HATE Christmas albums, but this one was jazzy and the singer had--… this VOICE.   I asked the wife person “who is this?” at least 621 times.   She explained who and then how she knew/knew of her each time I asked, since we were in traffic with the car in park.   The jazzy sounds and buttery voice had me hooked.      In November, my last previous neighbors had moved and after prepping the house, the company that owned it opted to SELL instead of seeking a new tenant.   To the surprise of ALL involved parties, the house snared

       No need to remind me that I have been M.I.A. for over a month…   Trust me, I pay to be here and know when I let a week go by without having written anything.      Anyone connected to me on BookFace or close enough to me to receive a text about the progress knows that I recently sold my house and I am currently under contract to replace it.   With that said, I have been BUSY preparing the house for sale, responding to necessary shit contained in the inspection/appraisal, THEN packing shit up to go and making arrangements for it all.   This is ALL while simultaneously playing the role of the buyer on the other house.   Needless to say, this shit is exhausting.      Well at this point, I am two weeks post-move and 13 days post-close.   I got a big check, y’all! That check is not the point here though.   Currently, we’re in a temporary spot, a short-term rental, where we are living (and I am remotely working) in wait for our closing date.   Apart from being CLEAR on the other e

       It’s that time of year again…   Y’all know, the one where I am dragged into a classroom to assemble and move shit despite not particularly wanting to have to do it. To be honest, I am thankful to the Wuhan Bat Flu for closing schools at the beginning of last year and limiting ANY visitors when they finally did open in the last quarter, thereby saving me from breaking a sweat.      This story is not (necessarily) about that. Saturday before last, while I was on the above-mentioned unpaid hauling/cleaning mission(s), I noticed the message flash across the television in my wife’s classroom about football tryouts.   Well sheeeeeit…   When I was in middle and high school, I wasn’t able to do such things due to reasons. Me: “I’mma go out for football.” Wife Person: “What!?” Me: “It says football tryouts are Thursday immediately after school.   I’m coming to live out my dreams!” Wife Person: “Whatever…   Do what you want.” See?   She don’t even be LISTENING to me.   The d

  Somehow I knew this day would come…      After years of supervillainous behavior, the tortures, the driving people literally insane, the competitions…   I fuckin’ KNEW this day was coming.      The picture you see above is from my front porch.   It was there when I got home from the gym yesterday morning.   For those who had been unaware of what one actually looks like, that is the shell of a cicada. For those of you have been paying attention through the last little while, you know I am a fan of using cicadas for my own personal gain. [ link ] [ link ] [ link ] Look, I have watched enough crime/espionage shows to spot a tail and make sure I am not being followed or tracked, but I am concerned right now that someone has smoked me out and learned my identity and used the cicada shell to indirectly let me know they’re onto me.      This really is my own fault.   I didn’t spend enough time sharpening my M.O. before employing the cicadas.   I am sure I have allowed myself to be