The musings of a madman...

True story©… She has a bathroom full of natural hair care products. All kinds of olive oil and shea butter and other things that look like she pays a lot for them to be shipped to the house and aren’t available in stores. Well one night my stomach was misbehaving and my phone was dead, so the only thing I could do to pass the time was to look at and smell the various things on the little shelf in front of the throne (yes, boredom is THAT bad in the mind of a supervillain). Moisturizers, double moisturizers, super triple moisturizers, coil activators, curl activators, shampoos, conditioners, comb-through conditioners, leave in conditioners, EVERY damn thing you could imagine. My mind immediately went back to the ‘curl activator’ thing. Without tipping anyone to what I was up to, I decided to see if it would be ANYTHING like I imagined it would be so I waited until I got to work to test the theory that it would give me the LOOK of a late 80s/early 90s Los Angeles rapper with none of the

True story ... I'm walking to my car from Wal Mart and a dude jumps out of a maroon GMC Safari and puts a 12gauge to my head... "Where the f*ck you think you going, n**ga?!!?" "c'mon, man, I am just trying to get home to my little girl" "Daughter? So I guess you got a woman somewhere around too, huh?" "What?" "BITCH n***ga, I axed [sic] you a question!" "Yeah!" "you love her?" "of course!" "call her on the phone right now and say 'I love you bae' right now!" "dude" *cocks shotgun* "d-d-did I stutter, motherf*cker?!" "but 'bae' seriously my dude?" "you heard me, unless you wanna die out here in front of all of these people!" ... forced with the prospect of my funeral and using the word "bae," I am here to inform you all that my funeral will be on Monday. My mom has been left with instructions to pay off the ho

True story time... What some of you might know of me is that I have a sometimes obsessive-to-addictive personality. When I get into shit, I get ALL the way into it. What you may not know is that my first job was at a Winn Dixie on the way up to 11th grade in 1995 (more on why that matters in a minute). So I was in the 10th grade before I ever saw the movie Scarface, and I was immediately hooked. Talking like the characters, remembering whole lines and dialogs, copying mannerisms, etc... now that I think back on it, it was probably pretty damned annoying. One Tuesday after school early in the year, my sister took me to the store to pick up my check before going off to work herself. Lord knows WHERE my brother was and mama was at her second job until later in the evening. I walked to the Conoco on MLK and bought all the Goodies and BC powders they had (brand didn't even matter for what I was doing with it). I pulled the big chair from the living room to the kitchen table and opened A