2012 Election, the Aftermath pt I

As a matter of fair warning; my imagination is apparently one of the most dangerous places on this planet.

This morning (well, the morning as of when I type this sentence – 7:39pm on Sunday November 11^th), while I was cutting my grass I had this strange idea related to the fact that we have not much heard from Mitt Romney or anyone in his camp in the days since his failure to make good on his ascension to the office that he apparently felt that he was entitled to.  I do not recall how long it was before we heard from Old Man River John McCain in 2008, and I didn’t care how long it was with Gore and Kerry in 2000 and 2004, respectively.

     This morning, my imagination intervened and created a situation that serves it that politicians and their ilk are these vast teams of supervillains, who sit around at large marble conference room tables and make conspiratorial plans to take off their rivals, and that each failed attempt – like last Tuesday’s embarrassment – represents a chance to get back to the drawing board and come up with a new scheme to foil those gosh-darned other guys.
About halfway through my lawn, right about the time that more of the leaves that I had made a point of chopping up started to fall, I daydreamed who might be sitting at that table as early as this past Wednesday morning.  By “Wednesday morning,” I am saying that it was about 3-4am and none of the involved had yet been allowed to sleep.  What ensued after I returned into the house was a series of humorous text messages between myself and the homie Tairi over at NCStandup Ent.  Naturally, that progressed to "you should probably WRITE this."
And here we are.

     At that table in an undisclosed location, we find major non-winners in Tuesday’s elections: Paul Ryan, Todd Akin, Allen West, Donald Trump, two empty seats and at the head of the table is seated Willard Romney.  Unknown to any outsider looking in is fact that Karl Rove is in the hallway and is not being allowed into this meeting, everyone in it is VERY angry with him for his ineffectiveness displayed in the outcomes of their day(s).

      The first order of business is where the plan to overthrow their arch nemesis went wrong and why they’re even in this meeting in the first place.

Mitt:  “before anyone says anything, how many people told their wife this morning that she would be sleeping with the President of the United States tonight?  I’m sure you all saw how much she cried when she found out she would have to SLEEP with this sonofabitch tonight, let alone probably having to fight his wife for the privilege to have to do so.”

Trump:  “well, Governor, it is safe to say that you have the floor”

Mitt:  “thank you, Donald… Now, we know that Paul will have to return to work tomorrow,as he actually kept his day job.  The rest of us will need to devise a plan on just what we can do about this--… uh… ‘situation’ that we have managed yet again to not rid ourselves of.”

West:  “Look, I told black people that he was taking us back to slavery, I told white people that he was taking THEM back to slavery and that we – OUR black people – were in better shape to help with a fix than they were.  What can we do now?”

Ryan:  “I washed the dishes”

Akin: “Paul, you just legitimately raped this conversation.”

Trump: “Shut up, Todd.  You and this rape talk are a lot of the problem.”

Mitt:  “We had congress on our side.  The plan was to sabotage his presidency and tank the economy a little bit, enough to where a great white warrior would ride in from the sunset and save them.  The great Prophet Joseph Smith said that I would do it.”

West: “Wait, what?”

Rommey: “What, what? What are you asking about?”

West: “That last part, repeat that?”

Romney: “nothing… never mind.”

Mitt goes on to explain how Republican congresspersons had a meeting in this same location immediately following the 2008 election and vowed that they would do their best to block EVERY move the new president tries to make in their best attempts to make him a one-term president.  The plan, though, was to do so as quietly as possible to avoid their being any egg on their own faces and thus damning their own livelihoods.  No need to go so far as to turn the whole of America against them, of course.  Well this time it is serious.

     Each member of the table passes around an idea they have as to the direction of the party.  None exactly mentions the arrogance and entitlement with which the recently-concluded administration was operated and it is more or less the 12 thousand pound bull elephant in the room (no, it was NOT Chris Christie).  No one mentions Todd Akin and those of his ilk and how Romney’s REFUSAL to distance himself from those nutjobs alienated voters he apparently needed.  No one mentions that Ron Paul had been pacing the hallway outside of this room since Sunday evening.  In fact, no one had even noticed it until the questioned why the coffee pot was short one cup.  This was not enough to get him invited into the meeting, but he was more than used to that treatment in the party.

Next comes that awkward point in the meeting where they feel the need to prematurely discuss the next coming election…

Trump: “okay, so who’s next?”

West: “me me me!!!”

Akin: “Shut the hell up, did you notice that the word ‘nigger’ is trending on Twitter right now?  If you can run between now and 2020 after what happened to Herman this year, you’ll be lucky!”

Mitt: “Well, you guys DO know that I am still alive, here and I would be willing to--…”

Everyone but Mitt: “NO!!!”

Trump:  “Look… Mitt, you’re damaged goods, go home and try to console your wife after that tryst with the president you sold her off to.  When the two of you stops crying, go on vacation for a few years.  Todd, you ruined this cycle with your buddies and your collective rape talk.  Paul, you got lucky that you still have a job so don’t chance blowing it again.  To be totally honest, we REALLY only have one real choice on who to let run in 2016 if we base it on what has happened over the past month or so.”

Ryan: “well spill it, Trump, who is it?”

*door opens*

Mitt: *turning to the door* “Look, Karl, we told you, you’re not invited into the meeting, and how did you even get IN--…  Ho-lee-hell, who let YOU in here?”

to be continued…