2012 Election, The Aftermath pt III

     We resume with the same cast of characters sitting at the meeting room table.  Romney still seated at the head of the table and Chris Christie, Donald Trump, Allen West, and Todd Akin flanking him.  Paul Ryan is still in the hallway with Ron Paul and does not appear to have left for the day.  Karl Rove is nowhere to be found and no one has bothered checking the basement to see if he stayed there or simply left on his own.

Trump:  “Paul, if you promise to shut up until addressed, you may rejoin the group.”

Paul Ryan:  “Thank you”

And with that, he rejoined the conversation.

Mitt:  “Okay… our problem here is that the American people are beginning to see a divide between ourselves and the other party.  They have apparently tired of being kicked and insulted.  The numbers of the gays, women and minorities are matching those of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant males in numbers well enough to dictate that we appear to stop pandering to the richest among us.”

Christie:  “Appear?”

Mitt:  “Yes, appear, jackass… Everyone knows that we are the job creators!”

Christie: *rolls eyes and looks away*

West:  “Well what about the frauds and illegal immigrants voting?  My state had a 141% voter turnout, something HAS to be awry.”

Trump:  “First thing’s first, do we have ANYTHING to prove that claim?”

West:  “Well, no, but--…”

Trump:  “Shit, then we have to stick to the normal approach of repeating it over and over again to MAKE people believe it, or at least behave as if they do.  No biggie, it almost worked for Mitt on the Chrysler thing, before they spoke out and called him a liar in the Lamestream Media.”

Mitt:  “Can we, like, NOT talk about this year’s election cycle?  My wife and I just spent the whole day crying after the promise I made her yesterday morning.”

West:  “Okay, so changing gears then, 2016… Christie, really?”

Trump and Christie:  “Why not?”

West:  “I mean, I am just not sure he is one of us.”

Christie:  “What the hell do YOU mean ‘one of us’?”

West:  “What the hell do you mean ‘what do YOU mean,’ what am I not supposed to know anything about anything because I’m the only black guy in here or something?”

Ryan:  “Ooh, RACE CARD!!!”

Trump:  “Shut up, Paul!”

Christie:  “Now that the race card is on the table, it is thusly shown who is in it for what.  I am about conservatism, and you all know that.  The compassion shown for my constituents and willingness to work with that--… *looks at Allen West* … with the president during an election year shows that compassion.  You all know that I am a hard-liner when it comes to issues important to the party.  If maintaining the appearance that we’re bipartisan long enough to gain control and get back to what matters is what it takes, then I guess I am on board.”

Todd Akin:  “Can I ask a couple questions?”

Romney and Trump:  “WHAT?!!?”

Akin:  “Well, Mitt and Donald… One of you just lost the election and the other is a non-politician who potentially COST him the election in some ways.  Why are you two at the head of the table and lead decision-making positions, respectively?”

Trump:  “Todd, you’re--…”

Romney:  “Wait, Donald.  I got this.  Todd… If my wife was an unwilling participant in last night’s diddle with the president and her brain convinced her of such, and he insisted that he was allergic to latex, what studies and doctor’s citations can you quote to PROMISE me that I will not spend the next 18 years paying for JaQuavious Tyrone Hussein Obama-Romney?”

Akin:  “Uhh… um…”

Romney:  “Riiiight…  See, it was your brand of nutjobs played just as much a role in costing me this election as did Mr. Reality TV over here.  At least he has SUPER rich friends who kicked in on the proceedings.  I strongly suggest you sit your five-dollar ass down before I make change.  Hey, let’s not forget here, asshole… who at this table bought 300 acres to build an estate for Jesus in Independence Missouri over the summer?.”

Akin:  “Sorry sirs, continue on.”

Romney:  “Thanks for your cooperation, one more of those and you will join Karl Rove in the basement.  Now, Chris… You have the attention and good graces of the other side, so we NEED you.  See, I tried to make them think I was on their side, but since no one had any good reason to believe me I was picked apart.  I don’t know if any of you knew this before last night – I surely didn’t – but if you default to ‘tell ‘em what they wanna hear’ and they don’t trust you, they CHECK to make sure you’re telling the truth!”

West:  “The nerve of those idiots, like they know what’s best for them as much as WE do!”

The conversation continued on into the wee hours of the morning, containing a similarly disjointed back-and-forth, no one noticing Chris Christie’s non-verbals, which suggested that he might not be all the way in on the plan as presented.  To him, the fact that he COULD be bipartisan leading into the election and the bump that it provided in his own approval numbers suggested that he may be able to ride this thing to more than simply keeping his own job.  Perhaps, he would be able to ride on to the “Christie 2016” nomination without NEEDING to involve himself with the nutjobs who had damned the public’s opinion of Bush, then cost McCain and Romney their bids for the presidency.

As this all danced around in his head, the conversation had continued around him without his noticing.  Well, without his noticing until…

Trump:  “Well, what do you think, Chris?”

Christie:  *swallows* “About…?”

Romney:  “We were talking strategy.  We need to get that 47% back on our side.  Being angry and white doesn’t get it anymore.”

Christie:  “Seriously, Willard?  You want me to come up with a way to get that half of the country that you PERSONALLY insulted back on our team?  Then what?  Do we go right back to not giving a damn about them once we got ‘em?”

Romney:  “You’re talking like a Liberal right now!”

Christie:  “Natural response, I see?  So now that we have UN-alienate that ‘47%,’ then what?  Why can we not come up with some policies that will benefit the whole of those we govern and hold up to simple mathematics the morning after we claim it?”

Trump:  “But--…”

Christie:  “I will not run on a bait-and-switch campaign, and I will NOT play both sides of the fence for you people.  Limbaugh can ignore his mirror every morning and call ME a fat idiot until his eventual overdose.  Besides, I do NOT have time to be thinking about a 4-years-from-now proposition of running for president.  I still have Sandy cleanup and power to restore in my state.  If you gentlemen will excuse me, I need to--…”

Trump:  “Hey Chris, you a Springsteen fan?”

Christie:  “Damn right I am!  We’re both Jersey boys!”

Trump:  “You know he’s a Liberal, right?”

Christie:  “Yeah, that is why I have NEVER met him.  I tried, but he doesn’t play nice with our type.”

Trump:  “If you play nice, I can MAKE sure you not only meet him, but offer you the chance to make good friends with the guy.  That will bring some Liberals along to our side as well.”

Christie:  “Seems kinda disingenuous, but I could be president AND meet Springsteen?  I’m listening!”

The last hour or so of the meeting was spent outlining a VERY crude plan to play up to the media and public opinion that had been completely ruined in the party compared to just 6 years ago.  Paying lip service to “Liberal” issues would be necessary, but there would be no need to go to the level of “pandering,” so much as simply not being so vehemently “no, no, no!” on everything that actually matters to 80% or more of the population.  Reluctantly, Chris Christie is looking past personal hang-ups that any reasonable human being with at least half a conscience would have and considering playing along.

… to be continued.