Posts

The peace-bringing power of breasts (safe for work)

            Listen to some sects of society and people like me might be considered a “perve” because I happen to make a point of NOT missing a chance to appreciate a nice pair of boobies.  Well, I happen to think that fact makes me a “connoisseur,” and not a pervert.  My brother and a couple of good friends agree with that sentiment.  Well, today, I am adding “humanitarian” to my list of duties.             Today, I present a solution to the problem that is violence throughout the nation these days, and I call it “titties for peace.” No, stay with me, here. Have you EVER met a (straight) man and a lot of women too who could stay on their chosen topic when he happened to encounter some “surprise” titties?  See, using that nugget of information we would be able to reasonably stop crime right at their respective sources.  Hell,  this SHOULD be wildly effective, since titties come in all sizes and shapes, and so abundant that there is literally a pair fitting to EVERY man’s ta

Where has he been?

            Wow, looks like a ghost town around these parts, huh? I saw the tumbleweed and heard the eerie music too, not to mention it seems that Blogger has changed things quite a bit in the dashboard as well. I haven’t left the two of you and my intentions have not been to let you down. but… I’ve been BUSY!!! One full-time job (the one that pays my mortgage) One semi-part time job (beer doesn’t pay for itself) Got married back in June A 1 year-old (a SECOND full-time in itself) Working on TWO books at the same damned time (tired of sitting on my dream) Sometimes posting on two other higher-profile sites; rippdemup.com and thetonygrands.com We won’t even MENTION Tumblr (well, not again after that) Yeah, suffice it to say that my hands have been VERY full of late, to the tune of an average of less than a post per month this year. Unfortunately, other than what I have mentioned above, nothing of particular interest has happened to me this year.  Beyond

What a difference a year (+ 4 weeks) makes

June 15, 2003… I stared death in the eye and duly told it to eat a dick and decided to continue living my life. Many people know this story and most of its elements but what people usually don't know is that on the 21 st  of that same month - the following weekend, I intended to be in attendance at a job fair in Atlanta. Coinciding with that job fair, I would have been in school 2 more weeks in a technical school then completing some testing, then relocating for the job I'd hoped to be securing. Needless to say, 16 days short of my 24 th  birthday, I was on the road to fixing the credit I had so happily messed up and finally making my granddaddy proud. Well, with a hospital room full of people I (and my mother, apparently) didn’t quite know loved me as well as they showed up to display, my plans had been severely derailed. With that in mind, I spent SEVERAL years angry with myself over what the accident had apparently done to my plans. Then 2008 happened... My job allo

In the kitchen with Phlip -- Black People Love Chicken

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Not gonna keep you long, tonight... Step 1 - thaw and rub down chicken with vegetable (or olive) oil Step 2 - dry rub: (quantities are inexact, I just toss em in on a gamble, no measure) ground ginger, ground mustard, garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, sage, parsley, Jamaican curry and saigon cinnamon. rub it down liberally as seen, cover and place in fridge for AT LEAST 1, up to about 24 hours. I opted for 24 hours. Next day... Step 3 - bake (covered) at 275º for 2 hours, remove from oven: Step 4 - crank the oven to 425º, place chicken BACK in the oven uncovered for 15-20 minutes. This will create a crispy skin on it, like so: Allow to cool long enough to handle comfortably and enjoy! To those looking to attempt this at home, you can use pretty much any piece of the chicken, methinks wings would be GLORIOUS in this rub, but I was out. Now for the cooking part (applicable to the legs you see, times would naturally be shorter for wings) to

Michael Bay Must Die -- a rant

Okay, so I gave him a pass when it was said that he would be handling the Transformers franchise of movies. Sure, he had laid the unwatchable rotten eggs that were Pearl Harbor , Mystery Men and Armageddon , but had also given us the Bad Boys films as well. Coyote Ugly wasn’t very good either, but the T&A aspect was apparently the saving grace in my then 21-year-old mind. Bastardization of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre , Friday the 13 th and Nightmare on Elm St franchises have shown audiences that Michael Bay is obsessed with 3 things, apparently. Explody/blowuppy slow-motion scenes Titties Aliens Left to my own devices, I have no problem with ANY of that. As kids, we were fine with the Transformers as robots from a land that we did not understand, but did not need to have a reason for their existence as long as we got good cartoons and bomb-ass toys out of it. To make a movie out of them, though, Michael Bay had to make them into “alien life forms.” Fair enough, h

Tim Tebow the Timeshare Salesman

I don’t even feel bad when I criticize Tim Tebow anymore… My criticism is still middle-ground, as he doesn’t strike me as anything less than genuine in what he believes, if only a bit misguided in how to apply it. No more is this oddly against-itself assessment shown than in this link . I will discuss both sides. If anything, my opinion of the kid is back-and-forth at best. On one hand, he does the thing where he finds and plays ambassador to people at EVERY game, and that is a great thing, some real shit to people he has no obligation to do ANYTHING for and I respect that. On the other hand, he has legions of fans who hold him and his ON field accomplishments as a professional player in a MUCH higher regards than necessary or earned simply because of his dealings OFF the field. I guess I happen to belong to a set of opinions that would like for religion and sports – just like politics – to exist in VERY separate lanes. One other thing in that link that irks me is this pa

The Asian "Crush" in American Sports

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Urban Dictionary defines "Yellow Fever" as... Yeah, someone will surely view this as clearly one of the most racist blogs I have ever written, but… The major American sports all seem to have developed a form of Yellow fever in which EVERY player to come through their organization of Asian descent, they’re lifted and treated like the crown savior of that sport. Don’t believe me? Hideo Nomo came in with the baffling stretch-and-twist delivery that was soon caught onto by batters in MLB and despite the "ZOMG, HE'S ASIAN!!!" hype machine that carried him, he was traded once and released 4 or 5 times within his first 5 years. 12 MLB seasons, TWO post-season appearances, both losses, $35ish million earned on the strength of being Asian, it seems. Tiger Woods you know what? I can't be all the way mad at this one, he was by far the most successful on this list, speaking purely in terms of accomplishing what was ahead of him to do as his job. I can fully understand

Fire your Congressman!

As Seen on The Intersection of Madness and Reality ... While some might be quick to cite the failures to right the ship that is America as all the more reasoning to get that ni-- ... uh, let’s not go there today... “Marxist” out of office this coming November, I happen to prescribe to a different line of thinking personally… Me? I am more of the opinion that a president is only as effective or as shitty as his Congress. If Congress stands behind and promotes his bad ideas into failure, or allow party lines to cause them to bristle at and hamstring the good ones, then Congress is JUST as much on the hook as is the president. I’m sure the question is being asked, then, where am I going with this? It’s really quite simple (and thank you for asking, by the way)... the “revolution” we need is not tied to any anarchist “chant down Babylon” or overthrow the government measures. Warren Buffett is quoted as saying "I could end the deficit in 5 minutes. You just pass a law that

"New Year, New Me"... I will help you prove it

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Maybe I am a victim of the effectively lowered expectations as it relates to the every-January-ever influx of peoples’ sure-to-be-abandoned New Years Resolutions. Rather than entertain anyone’s promises of a better life for themselves, their health or their kids (jeeze, what kind of animal lies to their kids like that?!) I prefer to lend a cynical ear to their statements. “New year, new me!” on January 1 is categorically met with “funny, you still look like the same ignant ass from yesterday.” The en-masse pilgrimage to gyms the world over is generally followed by an equally epic exodus of them less than 100 days following… churches too! As with anything, I discussed this aesthetic with a good friend of mine this morning and the idea was tossed in to start a motivational company in which we publicly call out people on their resolution du jour ON THEIR FACEBOOK WALLS for all their friends to see, say every evening about 5ish. · “… read any of that bible

Parodies of news happenings

With pop culture being what it is, parody of a pop culture piece is usually a safe vehicle for the continuation of your “brand.” With recent developments surrounding the 2012 Republican candidates-to-be, most specifically one Herman Cain, I am of the opinion that RIGHT NOW is the time for one of those in famous “… an XXX parody”. As ever, and in the same vein as “Whose Nailin’ Palin” from a couple of years back, the title should be cheesy and especially groan-worthy, and this one is no different. “Spermin’ Cane” The allegations as presented publicly thus far give us 3 scenes, which I will go into now. Scene 1 The “harassment” allegations stem from what was said to have taken place at office parties. In the hospitality industry, this naturally usually includes alcohol. So we have our lead, an older black gentleman, drunkenly hitting on his younger white subordinates with every brand of inappropriateness one can imagine. Naturally, for casting