The musings of a madman...

       This is not a story about a church. This is not even a story about anything remotely religious.      Today, we will discuss the dangers of not minding one’s own business to the point of bringing violence upon one’s self.      Everyone has a breaking point, this is a fact that cannot be disputed.   There are, naturally, differences in how people react when they have been driven to that point of course.   Some people shell up and go silent, some people go to their safe space and cry their eyes out and others still will put hands on a motherfucker.   Today, we’re here to talk about that last one.      First, we need to discuss a moment from my early childhood…   The year is 1986…   Or perhaps 87…   Fuck, I don’t remember which.   I just know it was summer during my elementary years.   My pops was a brick mason and would sometimes travel with his boss for jobs.   This particular time it was to Virginia Beach and because it was summer, he took my brother and I with him. Rathe

       So we’re sitting in the living room eating dinner and watching Jeopardy when the alarm panel and both of our phones chime with the doorbell.  I get up expecting to tell the kids across the street that my daughter is with her mother this week.  It is a white man… “Are you lost?  How can I help you?” I ask through the slightly parted screen door. He hands me a manila envelope and says “you’ve been served” before walking down off of my front porch as I stood aghast.      Wife person looking on asks me what is going on.  I sit back down on the loveseat and open the folder. Me: “We’re being sued…” Wife Person™: “What!?”   Me: “Not you.” Wife Person™: “What the hell are you talking about?”   Me: “Me and Moe.”   …  well I’mma explain this shit to y’all now, same as I am to my wife…      Of late, I have been trying to reform Moe Phillips’ public image.  After spending time with my therapist and learning better coping mechanisms than to drink myself to sleep, I re

      Before I get started, I will say that I absolutely stuck with the established-for-the-topic image on this post… Okay, let’s boogie.      For the past several years, I have led True Story©… off with an image loosely related to the story, usually related to the very topic of the tale itself but sometimes to the punchline of the story when I was feeling particularly funny.      For the month of March – well, for the three out of five stories in March I made after this was presented to me – I started to employ AI image generators to make those images.  For the YEARS prior, I would simply Google search terms somehow related to the story, then I would scroll and sift through the image search results and simply steal and use whichever one humorously partnered with my story of that week. … and I prayed that the rightful owners of the images never said anything.  Thus far they have not.      The topic today is “stick and move,” as I have now had several weeks of ingress as it r

       Complicit innocence…  Or innocent complicity. Whatever, it’ll all make sense in a few minutes.        One of the things that keeps my marriage successful is the understanding that I WILL do stupid shit while in character as Moe Phillips, but at no point will I ever actually run afoul of my vows.  Also, it will ALWAYS be entertaining and will sometimes even be funny, even if only to me.  Sometimes the schemes will even scare up a few coins for us to spend on new sneakers or vacation or something else we enjoy.        All that said, I signed up for some dating sites as Moe last month.  Heavily filtered and edited images of myself were used, I took off my glasses and removed my beard digitally.  In next to no time the right-swiping commenced and believe it or not, my DM box was slid into.  Surprising, women weren’t this forward 10 years ago. The whole time, Wife Person™ had access to the account so as to be absolutely sure that all the real-life dealings were on the up-an

       Sometimes all it takes to ruin a situation is the situation itself…      We have been in this house for almost 17 months now.  I am a decent neighbor; I KEEP the grass cut, my dogs don’t run loose in the neighborhood, I pull my trash cans up from the street as soon as they have been collected and I don’t shoot in the air on holidays. … but I don’t particularly like people, so the BEST neighborly thing I do is minding my own fucking business and leaving people alone.      My wife, on the other hand, is a peopler and has a gregariousness that would cause me to cower into my mancave and lock the door. Compromise: when she decides to entertain, I will make sure the house is clean while I agree to be at least cordial and attempt to refrain from cursing around children.  No promises on that last one.      In that we are now in a neighborhood of people around our age who have children around the age of the youngest member of our household, her social flag flies higher.  Her hap

       I have been aiming too high.   We might call it the curse of American instant gratification. I have been aiming DIRECTLY at Big TV and Hollywood with my writing ideas and the barriers to participation on those stages is higher than others. Perhaps I should have been aiming for lower-hanging fruit, so to speak…  Like, do I REALLY need Hollywood when everyone is carrying around a camera capable of 4K video in their bag or pocket at all times?      The bar for participation in the adult film industry is as simple as starting an OnlyFans or setting up a creator account on a certain popular Adult Content site that I will not name in this sentence so as to not get this story flagged.   Basically you create your content, you agree to some terms and conditions, you monetize your account, you post your content and profit!      As a fatman who is married and not interested in being seen mid-coitus by anyone, none of you need be worried about seeing me in such a position. “So how d

       I’ve reached a pretty good spot in my life… We got this house in 2021.  I am pleased in my place of employment.  Two-income household.  Two healthy kids, three cars, three dogs.  Y’know, the American damn dream.      But like any other American, I want MORE.  Given my age and position in the world, a quick comeup is not the move nor is it easy.  At least not legally.  In the motions of moving, my credit score GREATLY increased, like to the point of a conventional mortgage not being a problem to acquire with underwriting.      I decided to buy a second house for--…  um, “supplemental income” reasons. Rather than contact our normal real estate agent, who we LOVE, I decided I would rather not involve her in what was about to happen.  I rode around after dropping the mini off at school and photographed the signs in front of houses so I would have the agents’ contact information when I got back home. I contacted eight agents via voicemail and email, and I waited.      Two d

  (new shxt, AI imaging...  No more Google-and-steal!)      I don’t know who does or doesn’t know this, but in a past life I was pretty damn good at basketball.   My mom and uncle grew up with a neighborhood friend who went on to be an All-American at Virginia Tech and was drafted into the NBA.   With this connection, my brother and I spent a lot of our childhood summers in basketball camps. The fact now, to be honest, is that I still am but I am just a lot less mobile at 43 than I was at 23.   My jumpshot it still lethal though.   If not for this cursed 5’8”-ness, something could have come of it.      Nowadays, though, we are a bit too busy to get out on the court and break a sweat anymore.   We both have hoops in our driveways and we both spend time working with our littles on THEIR game(s). While my now-sixth-grade daughter only took interest in hooping between the summers of 2021 and 2022 before her interest moved on to art and, next, music; my 4 th -grader nephew has started p