"do you need or want me?"... a conversation.

This is one I been thinking about and talking over for a while now.
As I do, I presented the question to the vast Book of Faces on Sunday at 7:34pm.

"Question of the day... Would you rather be WANTED or NEEDED? Do not answer this unless you can provide an explanation of WHY with it."

And I would then sit back and wait on responses from those who I have befriended.
Remember that, as ever, responses are 99% unedited, with the ONLY exception being that I MUST make quotation marks right.

First respondent, as a thanked participant of MOST of these conversations, was former coworker, Tiffany, with...
"I have answered this somewhere before.....wanted. I prefer someone is CHOOSING to be with me, as opposed to them thinking they need me for some reason or another. I hope they made a choice in the matter, not stayed with me out of some kind of necessity. Anyway, needs can easily be met anywhere, and sadly enough....very willingly. "

Next was high school classmate, Marquita, with...
"Wanted-I say this because in my opinion, want- truly being wanted is genuine. It comes from the heart- at least when I want someone(on that level) it feels as though I have to have it, as though I won't be happy until I have it. Needed- you can pretend to want me with an alterior motive. But have your own interests at hand, well I guess depending on what you need me for. "

Next, came my manager from my first real full-time job, Kelcey, with...

Next was my southpaw New Englander friend, Joe, with...
"Good question Phlip-san. This is relatively hard to answer, because there are certain circumstances in which the line between the two are blurred.

However, I will say that I would rather be needed than wanted, because I feel as if that if someone only wants you, they'd be more prone to use you, whereas if you are needed, you would seemingly would have more of a purpose in the other person or group's life. Wanting could be taken in many ways, including in the form lust, which hey I'll admit I'm a fan of (its my favorite of the 7 sins) but I can't see many of them having too good of an outcome in the long run.

But then again needing could also be used in an addictive sense as well, but I still stand by my original answer. That, and if a hot chick (prefferably with tattoos) was addicted to me, that could be fun for awhile. I know, I'm horrible, but alas, I am only human."

Next, was my friend La'Donicca (who would kill me over her rap name if she could fight), with...
"I'd rather be wanted. I think that people who think they 'need' someone don't really entirely realize who they are or their own value (or maybe they realize their worth and are looking for someone who is perceived to be worth more?)...I think the idea of someone "needing" you stems from "desire" and often times people don't know the difference between that and necessity. Does that make sense? I feel like my words just got all jumbled up. lol"

Next came another former coworker, Toi, with...
"I would rather be wanted. If a person wants me then they put enough effort into seeking me out. They are actually interested in what it takes to make me happy. "

Good friend/SMPF member Simon Stone dropped off..
"I'd rather be praised honestly"

[Phlip note - my response was typed before I'd even put the shit on facebook, but now I need to edit it... Good job, El Presidente.

Next respondent was Maria, with...
"Wanted. Hands down. Wanting is a choice of love and enjoyment. Needing is basic and mandatory as in "I need a pencil, I need to go to the grocery store." No love, no emotion."

As for me?

The human mechanism to be "needed" comes with that breath you draw immediately following the doctor slapping you across the ass on minute zero, it doesn't even require a pulse. The desire to be wanted, however, comes in the number of elementary, middle and high school crushes. It comes in those ones you met in college but couldn't quite seal the deal with, or perhaps even bring yourself to even SPEAK to. It comes with that girl at work that you couldn't quite muster the moment to talk to, same for the girl in Target, Wal Mart or Foot Action.
She didn't need you, did she? If she had, you'd have known it for sure.
On the other side of that, though, is a life of those who WANTED you. I mean that to say those who, with the sentience granted to them by God (as they understand him) to make the decision as to what they will be bothered with.
"Need" is fundamental, "need" is math and science, so to speak. To further the metaphor, "want" is the corollary to "need," it is "arts," so to speak. It is a suggestion of sentient thought and a decision made to endure something. It is possibly being presented with reasoning to the contrary and still dredge forward in spite of.
To want to be someone who is needed, and pushing on with that is a suggestion that one is only out to get something. In my mind, that makes one a user.

As it were, The Katie and I would not be what we are if she NEEDED me as much as they are since she wants me in spite of other shit, and vice versa.

To that ends, to suggest that I am NEEDED is to suggest that I am being used to meet fundamental ends, whereas to suggest that I am WANTED suggests an effort to make me an attained achievement in spite of any hangups. That is where the "praise" that Stone mentioned comes in. To be wanted, even if not necessarily needed, is something to be proud of.

Is my answer obvious yet?
If not, here goes...

To be wanted is far greater than to be needed, simple as that...


Popular posts from this blog

March 17 -- Streetsweepers