"I have a headache" -- BULLSHIT!!!

I have come to the conclusion that "I have a headache tonight" is the most bullshit excuse for not wanting to make sex employed in the world.
Blame this post on the whole "The Katie and I were talking" aesthetic... We were actually talking about the science of headaches and what I learned from my own (to-be-discussed) experiences about them, then jokes were made and next somewhere during the exchange was one of my "this WILL become a post" declarations.

Sex -- at least good, or even just decent sex -- is cardiovascular activity, which promotes increased bloodflow in 2 ways.
  1. Getting to moving ups heart rate, and...
  2. The redistribution of blood to create an erection, or wet up her "area," or ESPECIALLY to make those muscles she has there (yes!!!) work do the same.
As an individual who on occasion goes to bed drunk, is terribly stressed by his current employer, and has suffered 3 skull fractures and a broken jaw all at once, it is sufficed to say that know my way around a motherfucking headache, damning what anyone might say simply because every single little issue they ever have is more urgent than anyone else in the universe...

Back to business.
A headache is SOMETIMES born of a constriction of the bloodflow to and around the cranium. Pain killers are muscle relaxers aimed at relieving this. Coffee works as well for its ability to do the same.
Getting the blood flowing more gooder is the name of the game.

Anyway, anyone looking at this with a mind on putting 2 and 2 together should see where I am going with this...
F'rinstance, I got INCREDIBLY drunk last night (I am typing this on Saturday night for a Sunday posting), woke up sometime late this morning, raging hangover and all, which sat on me all afternoon/evening. Didn't get around to showering til about 5ish. Not to let you in on any more than you need to know about when and how often I have sex in the house with my name on the deed, but my headache was gone within 20 minutes of exit of that shower, and I didn't have clothes on again for another 90 minutes.
Just sayin'...

I have never been married, and in my now-approaching 15 years since popping my cherry, I have come to have learned the science of sex and the science of headaches, each through experience respectively, and knowing what I know about what humans do and how humans work, the "I have a headache" excuse for not wanting to get it on in the bedroom (or couch, or living room floor... don't judge me) is clear and utter fucking bullshit, from both a mathematical and fundamental standpoint.
Warm it up a little bit and get the heart rate up just beyond a little bit and your headache should be MORE than gone before you've even completed the act, and I speak through the experience of less than 8 hours ago from when I type this sentence.

Better excuses include ANYTHING that might take someone's head out of it though... The big one, not the little one.
Again, not to let you in on anything more than you need to know about me, but if I have BAD gas, my ability to do much else is compromised, because my mind is on controlling when and how loudly I might fart.
That being said, a dude whose focus is divided to something other than inserting penis to vagina has a reason to not be able to stay in it, if only because of the powers that extracurricular has been granted. This works both ways as well, so women can too say the same; outside distractions are outside distractions.
In so much, the "extracurriculars" are the only viable excuse, from either side, really. As scientifically explained above, though, headaches are not included.
As long as the big head is in it, the little head is allowed to drive.

So there it is...
Henceforth, a headache is not allowed as a reasonable excuse to not make sex.


Tony Grands™ said…
Good shit.

Educational AND hilarious.

If I have a headache, there's a 70% chance my wife caused it, so I'll be trying that one.

Popular posts from this blog

True Story©... Cheatfish