True Story©… Copycat Killers
Nothing is
original anymore…
Let someone you know or follow on social media hit the lotto for a noticeable
amount and half their friends list will run out and attempt to do the same.
Let someone you know make a noticeable couple of bucks doing something THEY are
decent at and some of their acquaintances will be on their heads to try it.
I read a story once about where Avaya hired a guy and he decided not to take
the job, but they continued to pay him as if he was there for quite a
while [link] to the tune of over $450k. At the time I worked across the
parking lot from an Avaya facility and would spend almost the entire nine months I worked
there applying to work at Avaya. I am glad I failed in this, because he wound up in court over it.
So of course, we
have all watched the news since last Wednesday where some folks over at Reddit
decided to pool in and beat some hedge funds at their own game, right? I will not explain how or why it worked here
if you can go Google it yourself, if you have somehow missed the frenzy on the news and
social media.
What I noticed in
the aftermath was that people who had not given a whole shit about investing
and stocks before that news hit were now experts, equipped with their newly-earned during the pandemic degrees from Wikipedia. As with
anything like the situations I named above, regular Joe people decided that
they too could jump on the train and make themselves dope boy money dope boy
quick if they too sank the contents of their 401(k) into one of
these stocks on the news if they simply held a few days while the frenzy
continued to build, then cash out and prosper.
Born from this
fevered situation was enhanced attention on a then-unknown cryptocurrency called DogeCoin… “Doge,” as in the meme dog, yes. When I checked MY Robinhood on the 23rd,
it was trading less than a penny, and I’d had $5 laying around in the damned
app for months while my “free” stock was puttering along at $3.50ish.
“What the hell,” I asked myself as I dropped the whole $5 on this meme
crypto. If everyone else can get rich on
bullshit, I can at least gamble a few bucks and see what shakes, right?
Well the “see what shakes” week included the frenzy to tank the billionaires
(which I LOVED seeing, by the way) and apparently someone on the same boards
and/or Twitter noticed this humble little crypto and promptly suggested that IT
get pumped up too.
At a point, I saw
my $4.98 in this silly little shit explode to $45 one time. I waited.
I wanted to see what the collective powers of the interwebs would blow
this thing out into.
When I say “I waited,” I mean I emptied what remained of my personal and our
joint checking accounts into it and I check the app every 31 minutes to see if
I am retiring or getting divorced today.
Today – this afternoon, actually – was the day that everyone on Twitter
is saying that Doge is going to make its precipitous leap and everyone should
be jazzed to be along for the ride.
And here I am… Waiting, but unable to enjoy because I know
that the ability to pay the mortgage and car payment tomorrow are on the
line. I am here concerned if we will be
on a “starvation” diet because I gambled all the money away. I am concerned that the Wife Person will read
this and beat me up again before she leaves me, and worse if she will take the
puppy with her when she goes.
This is me praying that my deciding to enter the world of being a copycat killer doesn’t end me up on one of those Informative Murder Porn shows my wife likes to watch or keep on for noise while we sleep.
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