... is confrused...

You know what I don't get?

Check it...

Stay with me here...
1st "first"
2nd "second"
3rd "third"
4th "fourth"
5th "fifth"
6th "sixth"
7th "seventh"
8th "eighth"
9th "ninth"
10th "tenth"

What in the HELL?!!?
For the sake of consistency, I will now correct that to...
1th "oneth"
2th "twoeth"
3th "threeth"
4th [same as above]
5th [same as above]
6th [same as above]
7th [same as above]
8th [same as above]
9th [same as above]
10th [same as above]

There, I fixed it!
Well, almost...

11 "eleven"
12 "twelve"
13 "thirteen"
14 "fourteen"
15 "fifteen"
16 "sixteen"
17 "seventeen"
18 "eighteen"
19 "nineteen"

I see a few problem children in there and I am gonna go on in and fix them too...
11 "oneteen"
12 "twoteen"
13 "threeteen"
14 "fourteen"
15 "fiveteen"
16 [same as above]
17 [same as above]
18 [same as above]
19 [same as above]

There, now I think I have properly "fixed" numbers.
It matters not if you're still confused like a motherfucker, because that seems to be the most desired state of being these days.

Now, we will talk about the calendar, word to The Mind of Gil Scott-Heron...
1 January - named for Janus, "the (little 'g') god of the doorway..." Cool, I can accept this as the first month of the year.
2 February - Named after februum, a purification ritual februa... That is a simple fact that has dick to do with this post, but needed to be said for me to not leave a gap in this. Just know that the R in that word is not fucking silent.
3 March - Named for Mars, the Roman (little 'g') god of war. The fact that the FOURTH planet from the son makes this make LESS sense when one notices that this USED to be the first month of the year, what with those silly Romans ignoring the problem of naming the first two months of the year, what with the problem of being the dead of winter.
Confused yet? Wait, they fucked it up worse.
4 April - Pure randomness, nothing I saw tied down WHERE the fuck April is coming from, I saw at least 5 different reasons where the hell the NAME came from, damn trying to figure any of the rest of this shit out. Leaving this one here. I will leave the confusion on this one to be WHY the first day of this month is "April Fool's Day."
5 May - Named for the (little 'g) goddess Maia... As is customary, there is nothing else about this shit that matters. I will explain to you all that I am listening to Slaughterhouse right now to make this entry a little longer... Thanks.
6 June - Arguably named for the (little 'g') goddess Juno, or for the Latin word iuniores, meaning "younger," corollary to maiores, meaning "elders," another argued name for the prior month... You might wanna put a pin in that thought.
7 July - Good old Roman fuckery, this... I hate that this has to be my birth month, but they slipped this one in to honor Julius Caesar, who was born in this month... Problem is that the year USED to have 10 months and this was taken FROM 5th month staus with the name Quintilus before the fuckery.
8 August - Damn, what is it with summer? 2 in a row? Augustus Caesar on this one. Again, originally named Sextilis, which should be obvious, but I will break in a second to explain more deeply.

Pay attention here, see that we may now involve ourselves in languages coming from the Latin-based romance languages (involve yourself in Latin, Portuguese, Spanish and Italian - make it easy on yourself)

9 September - SHOULD be named for the 7, this would be the 7th month. Why is it #9 in the presentation?
10 October - Think "ocho," and all of a sudden the fact that this is #10 is angeringly offputting.
11 November - "Nove/nueve" and the 9 in this seems strange in the 11th month, no?
12 December - Think "diez" and somehow the 10th month clocking in at #12 makes ALL the sense in the universe, doesn't it?!!?

See, those silly Romans decided to stop ignoring January and February, THEN rename 2 months in the dead center of the year, completely fucking the one half of the year in which the names of the months actually made sense.

You don't get it either, right?
Good, I will not even try to... Instead, I will have Kenan Thompson play us off with some silliness and coonin'.
If I were Young Buck and I was confused as I am right now, I would call 50 Cent on the phone and cry...
Thanks for playing along at home, folks.


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