How late is too late?

Speaking to some of the homies from WAAAAAY back (think: 1998 or before) last night on FaceBook, that question came up...

Apparently, a chick shows up to a friend's crib at a time that would have her in the place AFTER midnight and she got her ass on her shoulders when he went forth with the expected action of trying to beat...
A FaceBook status --and ensuing shitstorm -- was born of this.
The lines were CLEARLY drawn, the men in the discussion understood the "12 o'clock rule," in which no one arrives to the house of a member of the opposite (or same, if you're into that kinda thing) sex after midnight unless the plans/possibilities include a session of insertion and withdrawals.
The fellas understood, while some of the women presented their righteous indignation that "if it was gonna happen, then it would happen, no matter the time!" completely ignoring the point made that we never questioned THAT, but specifically spoke to understanding that the inference that if she is at your crib after [time], then someone will be making sex on this evening.

[Phlip note - not ALL of the ladies were adamantly against it, but many were and no one who WAS against the idea was born with a penis]

In response to my snickering at the exchange, The Katie's interest in whatever it was was piqued...
I explained the exchange and ensuing contention as presented, showing it to her as well, so as to not ruin the context with my opinion.
Her response?
"Sheeeeeeit... 12 o'clock? How about TEN o'clock!!?"

[Phlip note - I love this woman]

Basically, in so many words, she FULLY sees where the guys and I were coming from with this one.
An adult-sized application of common sense is required to get with this one... If an individual who has at some point in their life shucked their virginity arrives to the house of a member of the gender of their sexual preference (there, I said it better this time) after a certain time of night, then there is to be ZERO surprise when SOMEONE attempts to do the grownup.
This went from Bobby's status, to Tremaine's, to The Katie's, and then to mine...
Then I presented the Straight Male Pride Foundation with it.
The MAJORITY (I won't call it 'consensus' because it was not unanimous) opinion is that you stay your ass home and employ the use of a phone call, FaceBook, IM, email, text or SOMETHING after a certain time of night unless you're ready to concede to some buttnekkid action time.
The time which you should stay home, though? That was a variable, but it was always a modifier.

Barri over at The Witches Brew (yes, that is a link, go check them out often) offered the gems "Oh shoot anytime after dinner time if u not trying to feed me, I know what you want." and followed up with "Anything a lady can do after midnight, she can do before midnight!" - Whitley Gilbert

On the other hand, there was my good pal La'Donnica (haha!) over at [Other]-Womyn-ism (yes, another link) gave a not-fully-committed-to-either-side concession that we as adults should know better than to put ourselves in situations that could easily become sexual if we're not going to be having sex. Basically to say that it is dependent upon the relationship between the involved parties. If you KNOW you have a situation where sex will not occur in the course of "hanging out" then fine, but there again, if one knows that it ain't going down, then they're dead wrong to put the other person in that situation.

Sure, there REMAINED the righteous indignation of, um... 4(?) or so chicks, none of whom live here in my house with me and all of whom might fall under the safest inference of their own resulting respective singleness. Of course came the continuation of the blame-shifting canned answers indicative of immaturity and/or lack of communication of intentions, completely ignoring the points made of realization of simple probability, based upon human desire/eventualities.
It seems that the lines drawn on this, though, was found in age differences. Every dude who responded agreed that there was a time, and all but like 2 conceded that time to be midnight -- including the fact that if she was already there, it is time to begin wrapping up or thinking about the bedroom around 11:30 -- but the only differences were that their answers were in line with The Katie's 9:30-10pm window, while the women's answers were mostly (say 80%ish) drawn on the line of the age of 30. EVERY one of them over the age of 30 agreed with the fellas, which is to say "get your shit and be out, and don't call to idly hang out by a certain time," whereas only a very few under that threshold fully saw it as such. The "I am the exception to EVERY precedent" youthful bravado was very present and almost kinda cute in that "soon you'll understand" kinda way.
And by "soon" I mean "when you call during booty call hours and/or show up during smutting hours NOT prepared for action, then they NEVER call you again."
I would be lying if I said I had not been that dude to NOT call as a result of some shit like that.

I have often said that the easiest conduit to NOT being seen as a "side bet/jumpoff/parttime/bust it baby" is to NOT put yourself in position to become such. There is a such thing as "too late in the game" to decide to become righteous. Showing up at smutting hours is that time, people. Simply put, don't show up to someone's crib at 'that' time -- whatever you interpret it to be -- unless your preparations have included some space made for insertion...

Yes, exceptions can be made...
  • "Time of the month" - but you shouldn't be putting yourself in that position if it is just physically not an option... Yes, I know some of you disgusting motherfuckers are all FOR that, but not in my crib.
  • Perhaps you'll be going out to the club or something of the sort.
  • Previous experience to the contrary - known as the "friend zone," but even still this is not a full-on excuse of the 'rule'. In fact, the friend zone is ABUSE of the rule.
  • Perhaps you have arrived and the person being visited (yes, this ball is in the home court and it matters not who is 'home' male or female) and they don't feel like setting it.
    Again, this is not much of an exception, as this does nothing to fight back the concession of the discussion at hand, which is the POSSIBILITY of insertion, not eventuality or guarantee of such.
  • There was a concrete plan NOT to make sex before the interaction.
  • You've been requested over for something patently NOT related to or even relatable to sexing. Say a household emergency or something like that.
  • You're driving down the street and see that the apartment complex is on fire and you're forced to kick the door down and rush in and save everyone in the apartment.
Real talk, coming from the MOTHER of one of my friends:

"Ain't nothin' open after midnight but legs and Waffle Houses"

Feathers ARE to be ruffled with a post such as this, but anyone who has known me -- and the people who DROVE this post to creation have known me 11 years and better -- should know that I give an approximate mad assfuck about who I piss off with this collection of words presented here.

As with anything, communication and simple understanding is key here.
As with all things in this whole boy/girl (or whatever combination of those you should so fancy), the "communication" part of this is largely confusingly (as these things normally are) non-verbal, so one best be prepared to pay attention to and make note of the nuances of the individual with whom they're dealing. I say that because it is not exactly prudent to go around flatly asking "if I was to come visit you after 10/11pm/midnight, would you try to fuck me or not?" without coming off as a little strange.
The only sure bets here are that no set of rules are concrete and that the prudent thing to do is think before you leap.
This is also where a-ha's "Take on Me" was wrong, in that it IS better to be safe than sorry. When in doubt, keep your ass home.

So, folks... What do YOU think?
I know there are people who were not consulted for this, or some who have not yet responded to solicitation, so anything more to be added/opined should be in the comments below.


Kousen Tora said…
Oh.... my...... GOD!!! Dude, tell your friend's mom that I absolutely LOVE her for that comment. Let them know that it will be stolen and used for other purposes!!!!!!
Tony Grands said…
If my wife touches me after 12, I'm going in for the kill...

But, back in my freelance sex days, basically, if you come to my house @ night, that means sex. Of course, there were exceptions, such as get togethers or parties, but otherwise, no doubt about that. If you knew me, you knew the dealio. Regardless of who called who, that was how I was. My crib was the spot for quite a few years, & when I ended the "party" for the night/morning, you (females..) either leave with those folks, or bring that ass back here with me.

& don't call me talking about "I was gonna drop by" or "I was in the neighborhood..". Puh-leez. I too, have something to drop as soon as I get in the neighborhood of your skivvies.

I also had a lot of actual female friends, & that boundary was clear & concise, so there was no confusion.

But again, my wife even knows, if you get into bed & want to rub so much as my shoulder, it's on & cracking.
Livication said…
Let it be known that there is no one named La'Donicca at Other-Womyn-ism. Bahaha!

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