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True Story©... Reinvention

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       Where these motherfuckers be getting my number from? I mean with this one, we knew he had my number but I still don't have a damned clue where he got it from. That's right, my phone rang... Me: "Hello?" Caller: "Okay, so you were right." Me: "About what? Whodis?" Caller: "About selling t-shirts not being worth it  That shit was a WHOLE mess." Me: "Jigga--... Y'know what?  I'm not gon' pile on today... Jericho Jackson!" Jericho: "Yeah man..." Me: "So you going to the welding program to get your certificate?" Jericho: "Dafuq? Hell no! I'm going back to rapping!" Me: "Bro, it's been TWO WEEKS!" Jericho: "I know man, but I made sense of the math you gave me and said 'fuck that'." "Me: "Smart...  But also, your raps were ass!" Jericho: "No, my CONCEPT was ass. I'm getting off the Jiggaboo Jackson thing, I told you tha...
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Ghetto-ass names; they're my birth control

I work in a place where I have to actually talk to people from doctors' offices. Often times, I see or hear people with names that cause me to HONESTLY question: what the fuck their parents were thinking when they saddled them with it? if said parents were even a MOMENT over the age of 16 when they named them? are fathers REALLY so pretentious as to need to name their DAUGHTERS after themselves? Enlisting the assistance of The Katie in the name of collection of the names as presented, as well as offering up a few of her own, I have compiled here a list of some of the most egregious of the names I have since come across... If you happen upon this list and find your name, don't take it personally... If you happen upon this list and you see the name of YOUR child, TAKE IT PERSONALLY and apologize to your children as soon as possible. If you've bestowed one of these names upon an as-yet unborn child, please rethink your strategy, use a different and STILL apologize to your chi...
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The fine and underpracticed art of shutting up

I'm 30 years old and went to public schools my entire edumacational life, even higher edumacation. Sure, the elbows I may have rubbed with may not be of the academy available to those with larger capital means, but I seem to find myself drawn to smart people -- it is one of the things that has driven my attraction to certain types of womenfolks. This has often required that I be outside of my normal surroundings in order to be engaged in conversations about more than just pop fucking culture or the likes. No one wants to know what the criminally overrated Angelina Jolie had for breakfast on her way to adopt another brown baby. Needless to say, I have seen and experienced my fair share of both ig'nant and intellectual discourse. My ability to bridge the gap leads my good friend Phillip to jokingly refer to me as the "smartest ig'nant n**ga you'll ever meet." One thing I have noticed, though is that with conversation, ANY discourse -- be it a general round-table...
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