True Story©... Yoga With Puppies

 

    Humans don’t deserve dogs…
I do, make no mistakes. I treat my buddies like the family members I brought them home to be. Everyone in the house talks to the boys like they’re children and I would not have it any other way. We will return to why that matters in a bit.

    Lately, here in our “live forever” push, I workout 3-5 cumulative hours a day 5-6 days a week like an archdemon and Wife Person™ has gotten into yoga. She asks me frequently if I would care to join her in the yoga class and I politely decline. It just isn’t my scene, I need CHAOS in my physical activities. This doesn’t stop her from repackaging the question and asking more, though.

Wife Person™: “Going to yoga after work tomorrow, you wanna come with?”

Me: “Nah, I’m good.”

Wife Person™: “I figured you’d say that.”

Me: “But you keep askin’ though.”

Wife Person™: “But I think I can change your mind this week.”

Me: “I’m listening…”

Wife Person™: “Puppy yoga.”

Me: “PUPPIES?!!?”

Wife Person™: “Puppy yoga.”

Me: “So we’re clear here, you’re saying there will be baby buddies at this yoga class?”

Wife Person™: “Yep!”

Me: “LEAD WITH THAT NEXT TIME!!!”

    For those in our midst who might not have seen the videos, puppy yoga is a thing that happens in partnership with yoga studios and local shelter/rescues, wherein during a yoga class puppies from the pound or rescue get to hang out in the yoga studio. It helps them get socialized to people, thus better preparing them for adoption. Putting them in the midst of people who clearly already love dogs also increases their chances of finding their human.

    We picked a day and I borrowed the daughter’s yoga mat and we were on our way. Once in the studio, we had to sign all the waivers and such that one does when they’re engaging in physical activity in a place other than their home or out in public/nature. We waited for some more people to arrive and the class started. The instructor directed us through various poses and stretches before a door open and the place was overrun with baby dogs.

    Excitedly, the puppies went up to people and snuggled and received the attention that no sane person with a soul can resist giving them, even if doing so while also attempting to also do yoga.
I’mma keep it real, though… I was legitimately done giving a shit about yoga after only about two minutes and thirty seven seconds of the puppies being in the room. A little pittie mix came to me first and I played with her little ears, then she sat down with me, eventually receiving all the tummy scratches I could give until her little legs shook, thereby earning her MORE tummy scratches. Hipped to what was happening, a little terrier came over for his turn and dammit I got two hands so here we go!

    In fewer than ten minutes, there were FIVE puppies on my matt with me, I was on my back and in absofuckinglute HEAVEN. I would infer that there was a yoga class in session, but I was more than happily occupied with the little visitors who had gathered around me to be loved on. Like I said at the top; dogs are EXPONENTIALLY better than people and while every dog deserves their person, humanity in general does not deserve dogs. The fact that these babies were in from the no-kill shelter they had been born in supports how NOT deserving some people are of dogs.

    After an hour of yoga, the representative from the shelter came in and explained the ins and outs of how to take one of these precious little ones home. Unfortunately, I am concerned Wife Person™ might not actually love me, because I am not allowed to have a fourth dog in the house. Apparently we max out at three and only one can be a big dog (hi Yeti!). With that said, we kinda skipped over the “how to adopt” portion of puppy yoga and gathered our things and washed our hands and such.

    A bottleneck of people at the only exit door might have been my undoing…

Wife Person™: “So how was it?”

Me: “A--fuckin-MAZING!”

Wife Person™: “I saw you made some friends.”

Me: “Ma’am, I made ALL the friends.”

Wife Person: “Good.”

Me: “You sure we can’t keep the little terrier dude?”

Wife Person: “Very sure.”

Me: “But I already named him Chip”

Wife Person: “No”

Me: “Fine”

During the exchange and while waiting to get out of the door, there was some activity back in the studio, someone saying something to the effect of “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since the class ended.” They’re looking high and low, apparently one of the puppies had escaped instead of making it back into the transport back to the shelter.

Wife Person: “Phillip…”

Me: “Hmm?”

Wife Person: “Will there be a ‘Chip’ in the car when we get out there?”

Me: “The keys are in your bag, not mine.”

Wife Person: “Because I already told you–…”

… then my fucking shirt whimpered when I adjusted my arm…

Now she is standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a furrowed brow.

Me: “What!?”

Wife Person: “Give him back.”

Me: “But–…”

Wife Person: “Give him back.”

Me: “But I already named him Ch–…”

Wife Person: “GIVE HIM BACK!”

Me: “You never let me have any fun!”

    Shit… She did the same thing with Jacques Cousteau in Costa Rica. I unhanded Chip and told him I would come visit him at the shelter until he found his Forever Person.
I promptly cried like a little girl with a skinned knee when I got back in the car.

    The good news was that when I went to the shelter the following Saturday while I was on that side of town to drop off some old torn up and mismatched bed linens, the women working there explained the hilarious story about his trip to puppy yoga and he was adopted just two days later. They even kept the name Chip for him, calling him Chip the Yogi as a nod to his unique story.

I guess this means that all is well that ends well, even if Wife Person™ is against me having a puppy.