The musings of a madman...

Not all porn, mind you... I can understand becoming physically engaged and/or stimulated at the images of people doing filth on your television/computer/phone screen. More specifically, porn that attempts (or attempted) to drag you into believing a hastily-written and overly anticlimactic story made even moreso when one has to suspend disbelief in that it is NEVER as easy to get laid as it is in those shittily written "stories." The daily email conversation with The Katie birthed this one. We HAD been talking about what I will cook tonight, then on to random shit and I delved off into one of my silly little personas where I speak in my own fucked the fuck up version of Ye Olde English, where random words are made to end in '-eth' and make demands for a feast of various meats [pause...] and cheeses... K: Did you know that there's a porno named 'Nailin' Palin'? P: Yes, I declined to download it a while back, lol. Thought about it though. K: I just

You know what I don't get? Numbers! Check it... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Stay with me here... 1st "first" 2nd "second" 3rd "third" 4th "fourth" 5th "fifth" 6th "sixth" 7th "seventh" 8th "eighth" 9th "ninth" 10th "tenth" What in the HELL?!!? For the sake of consistency, I will now correct that to... 1th "oneth" 2th "twoeth" 3th "threeth" 4th [same as above] 5th [same as above] 6th [same as above] 7th [same as above] 8th [same as above] 9th [same as above] 10th [same as above] There, I fixed it! Well, almost... 11 "eleven" 12 "twelve" 13 "thirteen" 14 "fourteen" 15 "fifteen" 16 "sixteen" 17 "seventeen" 18 "eighteen" 19 "nineteen" I see a few problem children in there and I am gonna go on in and fix them too... 11 "oneteen" 12 "twoteen" 13 "threete

Speaking to some of the homies from WAAAAAY back (think: 1998 or before) last night on FaceBook, that question came up... Apparently, a chick shows up to a friend's crib at a time that would have her in the place AFTER midnight and she got her ass on her shoulders when he went forth with the expected action of trying to beat... A FaceBook status --and ensuing shitstorm -- was born of this. The lines were CLEARLY drawn, the men in the discussion understood the "12 o'clock rule," in which no one arrives to the house of a member of the opposite (or same, if you're into that kinda thing) sex after midnight unless the plans/possibilities include a session of insertion and withdrawals. The fellas understood, while some of the women presented their righteous indignation that "if it was gonna happen, then it would happen, no matter the time!" completely ignoring the point made that we never questioned THAT, but specifically spoke to understanding that the infere

*****People are fucking crazy***** One day this week, I ventured out on my lunch break to get some water and one other thing from the Food Lion around the corner... It was (naturally) raining, and on my way back in the building, some chick says "man, I wish I'da known you were going out for lunch, I would have had you bring me something. In response to her statement, I simply smiled, forced an audible chuckle and kept kicking to get my ass in out of the rain. Keep in mind that this woman does not work in my department. Hiding behind the smile and faked laugh was my biting my lip to refrain from saying "Oh word? Well tell me... What is my name?" *****Obnoxious people***** Look, I know and very much display that I am an asshole... Perusal of the pages of this blog will tell you that. Has anyone noticed that there is this thing of the past few years, though, that obnoxiousness is often tied to the wireless device that an individual carries with them? It started, in my o

Part of me wants to be wary about listening to and reviewing an album BEFORE it releases, as such an action speaks directly to ill-gotten gains. But I do it anyway. Today's topic will be my initial reaction to Rakim's 10-years-later followup to the critically and commercially abysmal The Master . This album is due to release this coming Tuesday, 11/17/2009, and I have not yet listened to it as I type this, so I will be letting you know whether or not Mr. Griffith's efforts will have earned my hard-earned $10 or a gentle caress of my delete button. Most of you know already who Rakim is, and if not, you MIGHT want to consult your Google before continuing. Let it be known that the very virtue of Rakim being just who he is means that expectations coming into this album are VERY high, while released product prior to (10 years ago, remember that), and since then (zilch) do a number on realistic expectations. That being said, I will get right down to business now... 1 - How to Emc

That's right, I am partially blaming this one on her. A large strengthening part of my relationship with the Katie is that she is genuinely interested in the sports that I am. Well, at least Basketball and Football, but we can work on road racing later. Anyways, this means that on given evenings (Wed-Fri to be exact), we will be watching -- or at least listening to background noise comprised of -- NBA games together. The onset of the NCAA season will add college games to that on Mondays and Tuesdays, then the end of NFL football will see the oncoming of NBA ball on Sunday afternoons. [ Phlip note - tell me I don't plan ahead for these things and mean it] Normally when one splices a scribe with an "anyways," he is returning back to the task at hand from a slight (or not so slight) digression, but being the asshole that I am, I am making a point of drawing your attention to the fact that I did not, while going further off into the rabbit hole. I will not apolo

I will warn you now before I even get down to it... There would be SO much more to this set if I did not vehemently detest the color red. The preference is mostly inexplicable, but I do not own ONE red article of clothing and would likely REFUSE a red car unless I had the capital means to have it made to a color other than red within days of purchase, and even then would think twice before driving it home. My dislike for the color red is that strange. Anyway, this is a blog about a Ferrari, a company that has made a life for themselves based mostly on the color red... Sensibilities being as they are, I am a car nut first, so I might have to include a red car here and there, and I will apply the excuse that I will likely never own one of these anyway, so there. Know as well that there will be a lot of renderings in this one, as the car was just introduced officially about 6 weeks ago, so naturally there are not a lot of them around yet, even on the international auto show circuit. Told

Way too much seriousness around these parts. No particulars on the sources of these, some shot by me, some emailed at random times or simply found somewhere on the internets. Picture time. Eric Cartman, Los Angeles Dodgers fan No further comment necessary. And here, all this time I was under the impression that one is NOT supposed to drink the bong water, but here they are selling it in Target. Can you think of names of places you REALLY would not like to have a meal from? I bet you can now. "Dark Chocolate Chunk"... Sounds like the results of one of my Scrabble games. Soap I will NEVER use. Please join me for a moment of prayer for President Clinton, Regis Philbin, Michelle Obama and--... Wait... This isn't real, is it? "Included in the 'Famous Fudge Kit' is all you need to be JUST like other famous fudges - skinny jeans, tight shirts and man bags" Apparently, Kanye was waiting to exact his response to being called a "jackass" If this needs a

Sometime earlier on in this year -- I THINK it was around February or March or so -- I began to get things for The Buddy to reward him for good days in school, and in such made a bit of a monster in myself. I noticed that Mattel releases the 1/64 hotwheels collections in sets, and that this year's "New Models" collection would include 42 of them. At that point, I made it a GOAL that I would have all 42 of them. As some of you may recall, during that maelstrom of posts from August, I explained which I had to that point, complete with pictures . Well, since Wal Mart is such the evil empire that they have good prices and abundant availability, compared to regular grocery stores, I have been able to swing by during my normal trips and pick up the few that I did not yet have at that time. On my way to work this morning, I found myself on pace to arrive to work damn near 35 minutes early this morning, and even though I needed to send a fax before getting down to it, I stopped i