"Swine Flu"?

I am to understand that this whole thing has been possible -- while rare -- to occur in people who may handle pigs. The possibility has seen some infections to those people, but even rarer have been the passage of this from human to human.
Well I ain't buying it.
There is something deeper to this shit. Enter "Phlip the conspiracy theorist."
  1. How is it that the majority of the deaths in this have been in Mexico, where this is purported to have begun? Weren't we just bitching about border control and drug cartels? How convenient! We can't get people to stop smuggling day laborers across the border, so we make EVERYONE deathly fucking afraid of the "swine flu" as a means of beefing up border security. Hell, increase hostilities towards Mexicans in the states, be they legal or no, for fear of the "swine flu" while you're at it.
    Hell, it worked for the "war on terror," I wonder how many people didn't get on cabs because they KNEW it was supporting terrorism?
  2. They're trying to get people to stop eating pork...
    I mean, I am already 10 years removed from my own last endeavors with the pig meat, but stay with me here. People will hear "swine flu" and immediately think that they can get it from ANY contact with ANYTHING pig related. The natural first thing expunged would be eating pork, no?
    I can't wait for the meat industry to dig their heels in and start suing people like they did with that whole mad cow shit a few years back.
  3. Back to that old liberal media...
    Swine flu is just like global warming, el chupa cabra, crack cocaine and AIDS in the black community, the economy and "change," they just want to get a rise out of you all -- and to put Piggly Wiggly out of business -- and it is working too!
    Yes, I know that there are very few Piggly Wiggly stores as it is, and many of the 5 people who might be reading this will not have even HEARD of it, but they do still have some stores open.
  4. Movies DO come true...
    Perhaps it is not the cure for cancer, but the vaccine for the purported "swine flu" that causes the world governments to get greedy and propose population control.
    Stay with me here, seriously.
    Okay, they're playing the population control game, and some people just happen to be immune to "swine flu" and the vaccine, and are not infected by them. Others still, on the other hand, will become horribly and irretrievably infected and will morph into grotesque monsters and will begin EATING those who are immune, successfully vaccinated or otherwise not yet sick. Then we will need a revolutionary like Robert Neville to save us all, and possibly choke out his dog en route to saving the remaining world from the newly debilitating disease. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Will Smith will have to save us yet again, in order for the survivors to reach the survivor's colony, where work to repopulate the world will begin.
  5. Economic stimulus...
    Fucked up, I know, but check it. Apparently, there are some drugs that help with this, and the panicking public will be more than willing to commit the exodus of their checking accounts to have them on hand just in case they should so happen to get sick. The pharmaceutical companies rake a killing on this, upping the value of their stock, which in turn will look good on Dow Jones, no?
    The problem, though, is that the cost of the drugs -- compared with questionable outcome, we're less than a week into this shit -- will make the aforementioned "exodus" of funds quite substantial. This creates the same bullshit we're reeling from now, people get rich on artificial value of stock while the poor people are stuck with a bunch of shit that they probably will not need. Meanwhile, the president and his cabinet will look at the bottom lines; "Look, the people have the drugs and the economy is getting better -- see, I told you I could do it!"

Sure, I could go on all morning, all day or all week with half (well, mostly) - joking "theories" about the purported threat of a "swine flu," but that would clearly lead to me typing more than any of my 5 readers would be willing to take in at once.

I would hate to make it seem like people getting sick and dying is no big deal, but I am being sold some shit this week on my normal internets -- which have so graciously entertained me since the late 90s now -- that seems to be more a scare to shore up someone advertising dollars and line the pockets of pharmaceutical companies. Fuck, I am almost 30 and I have never had a REGULAR flu, let alone an Avian, Swine, Spanish, Hong Kong, Ghetto or otherwise. I am not so worried about getting one now. Yes, I know the precautions to avoiding the shit, washing my hands and all the others, but I will be DAMNED if I get a vaccination, as I have never had one of those either.

... I will take my chances, I have a well working immune system and healthcare benefits. Fuck a damned "swine flu."


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