Note: This was originally posted by me on MySpace in January...

My daydreams are exercises in hilarity to me...
I mean, perhaps my sense of humor is just fucked up, or perhaps I rather enjoy the fact
that ANYTHING can be funny or made funny. Yes, I often even pick on
myself, but if a man can't laugh at himself, he shouldn't laugh at
anything at all.

Anyway, I am sure that most of you have heard that we have this new
president guy in office, and he is apparently brown and has a funny
name... As most of you further know, he has a brown wife and 2
beautiful brown daughters. They, as a family, seemed to be the
antithesis of the normal "brown family" ilk we normally get to have to
watch on television. They seem genuinely into one another and attached
at the fucking hip as he attempted to, and did obtain the hardest
fucking job in the world... I am still calling him a fool for wanting
it, and I am SINCERELY hoping that he doesn't fuck this
up, seeing as how we already get enough of the subtle (**cough
CNNblackinamerica cough**) "that's why you can't give them shit"
language. Fucking this one up will surely cause those comments to
become exponentially LESS thinly veiled.

Of course, you know that with anything, conspiracy theories will exist,
and I am honestly one of the ones who were worried about "well what if
he was allowed to win so he COULD fuck up in his otherwise earnest

... then I read an article. You should too, then return and resume reading from here.

Wait, just what in the fuck does this have to do with my daydreams and how they're funny?
Gee, thanks for asking!
Today (01/28/2009),
I was thinking to myself that Barack and Michelle Obama and their
daughters obviously are a black family. Most of my 3 readers (hey, new
subscriber last week!) know what it is like to have come up in a black
family, and how quite often the weighting of them is WAAAAY more
matriarchal than it should be. Fuck it, we'll call 50/50 fair, and
we'll just say that shit ain't fair most of the time.

I'm floundering to add words to the blog to make it longer than it
needs to be, so as to make it look good when someone clicks the link
and tries to read.
sometimes I can imagine they're laying in bed and she will emote
somewhere in the conversation "well, now that *we* are president..."
and continues with her plans for a "more perfect
America," very much to the bewilderment of the man who was actually
nominated and elected. All the while, he looks at her like she has
another head growing out of her ass.

See, that part of the daydream comes from the experience of growing up black in America (yes, you can suck my ASS CNN!!!)

next part is where it gets funny, see my imagination sometimes lets
these things unfold like something of a vignette in my mind...

You know when someone has become so consumed in what they're
saying, they have become totally oblivious to their audience? You know
like the little kid in church who CAN'T FUCKING SING, but no one wants
to hurt their feelings, so they're going HARD, eyes almost closed and
no one is actually paying attention to them?

At this point, she has become so consumed in HER plans for THEIR presidency,
she has failed to notice him looking at her as if that head growing out
of her ass has a head of it's own and that head is glowing lime green.
Funny thing, in my daydream, HE was having a daydream and in his mind,
he could actually SEE this taking place too.

Anyway, at some point, the song is over and the kid snaps back to
reality... Well, when she finally comes down, she looks to him, and all
she can muster is "... what?" in response to the look on his face. It
is at this point where he explains to her "Honey, while I respect your
opinion and input here, you are not the president here." Yep, you
guessed it, people, after Barack has reminded Michelle that she is not
the president, and in fact, she has only been lucky enough to have been
the lady who married and had kids with the dude who would go on to
happen be the first black president. He explains (or tries to explain)
that he will act in the best interest of the American people to the
best of his abilities, but the "too many chiefs and not enough indians"
aesthetic will NOT apply to his home life, considering that he has to
put up with the shit every day dealing with congress.

The problem here is that it matters not how eloquently he stated his
position to her, she heard it as something suggesting that she was
anything OTHER than sharing his presidency with him. Now she is pissed
off and the fact that she was born and raised in Chicago have FULLY
come out of her. Neck is rolling, fingers snapping, all the unearned
sass that has come with the household she grew up in have reared their
ugly heads. Wanna know another problem with this? HER MAMA LIVES IN THE

(yes, this whole shit is playing out in my head just like you're reading it right now)
It is now like 2:45 in the morning and the ruckus has aroused the
attention of the Secret Service guys standing outside the door, and the
commotion has gotten her mother out of the bed, now she is down there
and, without assessing the silliness of Michelle's assumption that she
is half of the presidency by the simple virtue of having gotten married
and had a couple of kids, IMMEDIATELY jumps to her side, now they're
BOTH rolling necks and snapping fingers and sassing him all to high
holy hell. They start finding little shit to nitpick, little habits that
are really mundane, but have now become a weapon to use in this full-on
verbal assault on him. The problem as well, is that BOTH of them are
all up in his face, damn near DARING him to strike one of them...
Through this all, all he wants is a cigarette. No longer wanting to
deal with this bullshit, which is actually a normal occurrence, but
never really "mattered" until he was president. He has an idea, given
that he is now the commander-in-chief and neither of his assailants
here are, no matter WHAT they (and 8 of 10 black women
in America) should so happen to believe. "Secret fucking Service, the
president is being attacked!" and like that, the offending wife and
mother in law are whisked away.

Under the penalty of treason and in violation of the US PATRIOT Act,
they must agree to NEVER act out in this manner again, and must
apologize for assuming that such thoughts were not in violation.

After that, my daydream was basically over, and it was back to reality for the rest of my shitty little day.


Tony Grands said…
Ha! I could see that happening. How about this for you next daydream, if you will...

My in-laws (& their 4 grandkids & their daughter-in-law...yeah, seven motherfuckers) got evicted from their home a few years back. Basically, nobody wanted to be bothered with them, they're those kind of people. So, I told my wife that they could stay here, with my son, my wife & I, in our 2 bedroom house, for a "little" while.

Oy fucking vey. [Commentor's note: don't ever do that shit, Phlip!]

After so much unnecessary drama, after about 2 months, I walked through the house one night & said loudly "EVERYBODY, GET THE FUCK OUT!!". True story, lol.

I've since apologized, but the whole "in-law" thing can fuck some shit up, especially if the wife let's it, AND THE MAN IS STUPID ENOUGH TO BE DUPED INTO IT TO BEGIN WITH"....

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