The fine and underpracticed art of shutting up

I'm 30 years old and went to public schools my entire edumacational life, even higher edumacation. Sure, the elbows I may have rubbed with may not be of the academy available to those with larger capital means, but I seem to find myself drawn to smart people -- it is one of the things that has driven my attraction to certain types of womenfolks.
This has often required that I be outside of my normal surroundings in order to be engaged in conversations about more than just pop fucking culture or the likes. No one wants to know what the criminally overrated Angelina Jolie had for breakfast on her way to adopt another brown baby.

Needless to say, I have seen and experienced my fair share of both ig'nant and intellectual discourse. My ability to bridge the gap leads my good friend Phillip to jokingly refer to me as the "smartest ig'nant n**ga you'll ever meet."

One thing I have noticed, though is that with conversation, ANY discourse -- be it a general round-table discussion, online message board thread, comments under a news story, debate club, public transit conversation, WHATEVER -- people are going to disagree. Having a president who doesn't look ANYTHING like the prior 43 should be all you need to look and see how bad things can be, and my discussion of such from late July should at least get you in the right direction if looking for one of these heated debates to get involved in.
In my life -- what with various social networking sites, moderating a forum and now reading damn near any blog I can bring myself to stomach long enough to read -- I have come across hundreds, probably thousands of people and made acquaintance with people who seem to have NEVER been able to find a conversation that they could not turn into an argument. It is a trait that has caused me to out and out just stop talking to people.

People, no matter whether, or how extremely, right or wrong, will argue their point to the best of their verbal ability until you either concede victory of a debate or allow yourself to be flustered and actually fuck up discussion and lose it.

Know how to avoid doing this?

No one has EVER won an argument that no one would engage them in. Don't provide them the audience, simple as that... In no way am I pursing my lips to say or fixing my fingers to type as if I am innocent in this, I am guilty of being a vindictive and cold-blooded asshole, highly skilled in the fine art of getting and staying under someone's skin. To this ends, I have found that NOTHING pisses off someone who seems to live their lives to be absolutely right about every little thing they choose to discuss, no matter how mundane is to simply not even take it there with them. No, don't brush it off with a "whatever," as I explained back in March that a "whatever," even though employed as a way out of an argument attempting to make yourself look like the bigger individual, it is really nothing more than a play to end a discussion that one is on the bad end of.
Seriously, try it next time you're bored.

Anyway, the saying goes "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference," word to Mark Twain.
A step further than this is that "you win every argument you don't enter." Why expend the time, energy and effort that could be used to be doing something more enjoyable, like making sex or something of that nature? Sure, there will be things worth discussing, but a good question to ask ones' self is "will I orgasm?" and govern accordingly. Arguing over whether or not Obama will be giving health insurance to illegals, whether or not Michael Jackson is really dead and whether or not the Beatles still fucking matter will NEVER see to it that you get one off, so don't feign interest in discussion of such if you have a differing opinion. In fact, if you have a differing opinion on the subject at hand, you'd do yourself the best service of all to just fucking leave it.

Without being too pacific, here, I will also advise that application of shutting the hell up makes your life with the ladies a million times easier at day's end.
Remember when you were trying to game chicks in the club or the mall... You told them everything you thought they wanted to hear, truth or plausibility be damned. When you told her that you were in town on your way to something more, something huge and potentially wealth-generating, you DID know that you would need to answer to that one day, right?
Yeah, you did everything except what you SHOULD have done, you bragged about your job, car, family position, connections, and went on and on about your dick (note, NEVER brag about the dick -- you're setting yourself up for failure). In your incessant talking up of yourself, you cut yourself off at the damned knees by raising expectations far beyond your means. You do yourself a large favor in the short and long term by shutting the fuck up.

Ever been somewhere when someone entered a conversation that has nothing to do with them, and they babble on and on and fucking on, and no one bothers to step in and inform them that they're dead-ass wrong?

Ever known someone who would wait and exact their right-ness at every possible juncture, with no mind on couth or common fucking courtesy?

Ever notice in kung-fu flicks that there was always one little old man that NO one fucked with, and when he finally got up off his stool, HE was the one kicking the most ass? This one also applies to the little old men in fighting video games as well, long white beard optional.

Ever notice how there is always like ONE person in the office, or the gym, church or wherever you should so happen to be, that it seems you NEVER catch running his mouth, yet whenever he speaks, everyone with any sense is paying attention to what is coming out?

I know I have come far, and have far to go in this.
Join me, lady and gentleman, in learning and applying the very fine and tragically underemployed art of shutting the fuck up.


BreeIAm said…
That sir was a friggen masterpiece! *stands up, wipes tear from eye* (insert movie slow clap)
Tony Grands said…
Ahh, & a fine, unappreciated art it is.

Super cosignature.

It took me some time, but I've come to realize that most people could not careless what I have to say. That makes my conversations so much more pleasant. I'm not TRYING to prove a point. Once it spills over into the "debate" zone, I'm good. I can't tell you the last argument I had, well, with someone other than my mother, but she's a special case.

Popular posts from this blog

True Story©... Return of the Moose

"Mike Jordan of Rap"